Sylvie Van Der Vaart Is A Better Soccer Player Than I

That's right, I said it: I'm less good at soccer than a girl. Not just any girl, Sylvie Van Der Vaart.

But still...

Yay Or Nay: The NHL All-Star Game

Well, Sportsnet has me reacting again, although for once I'm not outraged...

This time, they're debating the existence of the NHL All-Star Game. On one side, Nick Kypreos, like many pundits, claims players don't want to attend it anymore and that the game is boring; inversely, Ian Mendes argues that for kids, it's their chance to see their favourite (or hometown) players play with and against the best of their profession.

I'm siding with Mendes on this one. Even fans of crappy teams (say the Panthers or Leafs) get to see the best player(s) on their team compete with the best from other teams, in a game where checkers and cheap-shot artists don't matter. Defense wins championships? Who cares - offense sells tickets.

Video Of The Week: Big Boi

As a member of the ground-breaking and always excellent rap duo Outkast, Big Boi could easily sit on his laurels, cash in the royalty checks and only release stuff with his partner in crime Andre 3000 when they're confident they have a #1 hit on their hands.

Instead, they've both branched out in solo careers (though they do cooperate on each other's records), which led to Big Boi's release of Sir Luscious Left Foot... The Son Of Chico Dusty and today's Video Of The Week, Shutterbug, featuring Cutty, with an appearance by the whole Dungeon Family.

Refreshingly good, considering the state of hip hop today.

Question

Why is it that Pizza Hut charges double the price of any other pizza place and barely puts any ingredients (specifically cheese) on their pies?

Fuckers.

Video Of The Week: Amanda Palmer

I kept seeing ads for this on Facebook over the weekend, and I guess it's lived up to the hype. By week's end, it will have inevitably become viral, because that's how shit works now: create hype via Facebook, have a controversial subject (in this case, pro-body hair activist and singer of the Dresden Dolls, Amanda Palmer makes a video promoting bush ''down there'') and an ounce of already-recognized talent and you're good to go.

And Lord knows Amanda Palmer has talent to spare.

So here she is exploring a new style for her, dub, singing in an accent close to patois (Jamaican creole), talking about how this song, Map Of Tasmania, will not get airplay. Which it will. Because it says it won't. So it'll get a million YouTube hits, and radio won't have a choice.

It's just too bad she'll become a household name from decent material instead of from her better stuff. You don't see Trent Reznor wearing Marilyn Manson make-up to sell more records. Just sayin'.

Writers On the Storm

My neighbour growing up, Siobhan O'Connor, blogs daily and edits and writes for GOOD. A native Montrealer like I, she now lives in New York City, as I once did. Small freaking world - I know. She has written for some magazines I read regularly such as Blender and Vice, and a slew of publications I don't read like Antenna and ReadyMade.

But my plug, today, is for the blog she shares with Alexandra Spunt, No More Dirty Looks, which I fell upon today thanks to this article Siobhan wrote on raw milk being re-branded as a beauty product (rather than, say, food).

Video Of The Week: Culture Club

The 1980s were simpler times if, like me, you were a child. But, really, wars were raging everywhere, the Cold War was in effect, Republicans were in power, and tolerance was prevailing less than it is today.

I have no idea how those times became a breeding ground for pastel colours and rampant use of cocaine, but Miami Vice and the Miami Sound Machine sure gave a weird impression of bizarre vibes.

Looking back at all the crap that we were subjected to - I'm looking at you, Duran Duran - it's a wonder I came out of it even remotely sane, especially when you consider that for most of the years prior to Samantha Fox rocking my world, my favourite female singer was none other than Boy George, whose band Culture Club is this week's focal point, via their monstrous hit Karma Chameleon. Notice how, at 1:45, the harmonica player doesn't actually seem to be playing the notes we're hearing. Ah, the wonders of pre-1990s videos!

Only In America: Arizona Murders Spike Gun Sales

Then again, it's Human Nature.

You hear about something you like and might eventually want to have going wrong, you might want to purchase it before it becomes illegal. Such was the reasoning, apparently, behind the spike in sales for Glock 19 guns after the Arizona fatal shooting of a U.S. Congresswoman and other people that left 14 injured.

If I understand correctly, the right to carry firearms is pretty much what the country was founded on - that and, say, Liberty, Freedom, and a free-falling economy based on a skewed vision of capitalism overlooked by a Federal Reserve whose job it is to devalue the money and make money off of lending the government cash that is worth less than the exchange rate between the two.

So fear not, zealots - they will never be able to take away your right to bear arms. Relax. It's like breathing to you.

Too Authentic?

Disclaimer: for maximum funniness, read with the typos. But to understand what they're looking for, you're going to have to have your mind play tricks on you, because I don't think I've ever seen a ''musician wanted'' ad with this many mistakes.

Then again, it explains why they don't write their own songs: they simply couldn't.

I mean, Geebus, when you can't even get the name of the band you're covering right...

As seen on Stereogum.

Video Of The Week: Transplants

Sure, it has since made its way into a shampoo ad. Is it any less catchy? Less good? Is Tim Armstrong (also of Rancid and Operation Ivy fame) any less talented a songwriter? In short: no. The song still fucking rocks.

Add Travis Barker on drums, a hip hop sensibility and guys who look like they haven't showered in ages and the mood is set.

What To Do, What To Do

My heart is pumping like crazy because I'm having an online fight with an Ebay seller. I feel like outing him here, but I'll show more restraint than he has - for now.

Facts: I purchased twice from him in a 3-day span. One order - the second one - made it to me; one 2-disc DVD was missing one disc, but the rest was fine. The other order never made it to me.

Long story short, I asked for my money back. He claims I'm trying to scam him, we're gonna have Paypal judge.

But he made threats like ''You have no idea how I will now vigorously pursue this until you are brought to justice.''

On one hand, I don't care: I know for a fact I never got the items. Even if they search my house with sniffing dogs, they were never here. On the other hand, this fucker has my address. And even when he finds out he's wrong about me, that I'm not scamming, that I really don't have the discs, who's to say he won't still try to send shit or people at my house?

What if he wants to fight me at my next NYC show?

This is fucked.

Stephanie Edwards Wants Nuts Applied To Her Face

Stephanie Edwards, long-time host of the Rose Parade (a televised parade typically held on New Year's Day with floats and marching bands), let a funny one slide.

Nappy New Year

I went out last night for New Year's with a couple of friends and the former Lady Of The House. We went to a bar that plays EBM (goth-dance) and shitty 80s songs by Depeche Mode and the like, and no one seemed festive. It was like a normal, boring winter day rather than a cause for celebration, or even a Friday night.

Maybe I'll blame it on the rain, yeah, yeah.