I Told Jeffrey Ross Where To Drink

Last Friday, as I was getting out from the most boring XXXtreme Humour Show of the last 5 editions of Just For Laughs, putting on my earphones and gearing up for a walk home, Jeffrey Ross was walking up the hill with his crew/hangers-on and pointed at... me.

He then asked me where he and his buddies should get their drinks on, saying he'd been told to go on St-Laurent street but he couldn't find any decent bars.

I responded by saying he'd probably been told to come on St-Laurent because all the bars there were really expensive, with high cover charges and $20 drinks and nothing but gold diggers to talk to - a plot to get him to spend his not-quite-hard-earned American money on our most expensive strip. I told him he'd have at least as much fun on St-Denis, but that the folks there might be a tad smelly, and instead strongly recommended two places - Fouf's (where I actually ended up with the Former Lady Of The House later) where the music is fun and the terrace is comfortable and where his semi-fame wouldn't get in the way of his having a good time, and Madhatter's, on Crescent, basically the same ambiance but in English, and if he'd feel the need to get his legs moving, all the bars surrounding the Hatter's were dance bars.

He seemed to like my honest manner, and, really, I just told him where I'd go if I were me or him.

Now I just hope he doesn't call his next stand-up show Don't Listen To Strangers, featuring a skit called Why I Hate Montrealers...

It's Dangerous To Cross The Street

It's bad enough that just about half the planet couldn't survive a winter here, that many of our homeless actually die every year, we can't even trust our snow plows to not run us over when crossing the streets anymore.

That's right: in two separate incidents involving trucks making a right but in which pedestrians had right of way, an elderly couple and an elderly man died just by crossing (or at least attempting to cross) a street. We can't even trust the people who shovel our fucking snow (for comfort, yes, but mostly for security issues) to not run us over.

I had a conversation the other day when me and the Lady Of The House saw a race on a two-lane heavy-traffic street between two tow trucks going at least three times the speed limit to answer a call, ultimately ending with one of them ramming the other into a street post and fearing for his life. The conversation went like this: the most dangerous drivers in this city are, in order, cab drivers, snow plows, and tow trucks - all Service Vehicles, whose job it is to provide the population with a service, and that service being to drive others and help others to drive, yet very few follow the law (they all run red lights, go the wrong way on one-way streets, make a mockery of the speed limit...) and most are a danger to those on the road at the same time as they are.

It surprises me that, as a species, we keep finding new stupid ways to off one another.

Of course, the mayor is saddened by these deaths, and urged drivers to be more careful - and pedestrians to be careful too. I would recommend he hibernate instead of having his PR team come up with such lame bullshit.