If You Can't Steal Their Hearts...

Do you remember this guy, who had a thing for stealing women's underwear as they were out to dry?

Well, if you forget his added bonus of taking pictures of himself wearing them and depositing them on the porches of his (now-doubly) victims, he had nothing on this guy, who pleaded guilty to stealing 850 pairs of undies at the Victoria's Secret store:

Daniel Espinoa, 18, and a 17-year-old accomplice were arrested after their third theft, with a total retail value of over $15,000 (but possibly manufacturing value under a grand, because low-paid workers in third-world countries, yada-yada-yada).

The poor sap, now an adult, is looking at, uh, hard time while his accomplice will likely, uh, get off easily.

And In The Weird Crime Section

Montréal police are looking for an unusual type of criminal these days... a man who, uh, specializes in the theft of women's underwear.

He steals them when they're hanging to dry and, more often than not, goes back to the crime scene and deposits an envelope containing explicit pictures of him and the stolen lingerie. He seems to have a preference for women in their fifties or sixties - or takes what he can get in his comfort zone, comprised of Jeanne-Mance, Saint-Urbain, Legendre and the Metropolitan.

He has that kind of familiar face, like one of my friends (sorry, Kevin), or one of those cheesy French-language comedians, be it Billy Tellier or another of his generation that I can never differentiate either by their looks or their content. I guess if you have any information, you could call the cops at 514-393-1133...

Fuck McDonald's!

Alright.

So this doesn't happen to me too often: an urge, a craving for a McDonald's hamburger. At 11 PM.

I was sitting at home, watching TV, when it took hold of me; I got dressed up in my winter clothes, stepped outside and made my merry way to Mickey D's , where there was a huge line-up of folks.

It crossed my mind to turn around, go to Lafleur instead, where the fast food is of better quality and where, despite my having to walk back past from whence I came, I'd likely still make it home earlier than if I stayed at McDonald's, but that was my craving, and I stayed the course.

A burger with bacon is $2.29, but a cheeseburger with bacon is $1.39, so I asked for 2 cheeseburgers with bacon - but with no cheese. With a large order of fries, and an iced tea with no ice.

It was midnight by the time I made it home, and I promptly opened the paper bag, reached for the first burger, and took a bite, only to realize that not only had they not put any cheese in it, but there was no meat either; essentially, it was a half-strip of bacon BLT with neither L nor T...

It tasted terrible. Yes, for the price I'd paid, I actually tried eating it, the McDonald's-flavoured bun, the but of ketchup, the two pickle slices and the half-strip of bacon... I wanted to puke.

It was too cold to go ask for my money back. Those fucking fuckers had had me again.