Instant Karma (And We All Starve On)

Way to finish off the fucking month...

I'm at work, doing overtime, my tenth hour on the job, no breaks. So much so that my fucking lunch is still on the kitchenette table, and it's eleven PM. Cleaning guy from the building comes in, says ''hi'', empties the trash, leaves. I decide I've had enough of the crap I'm working on, will finish my sentence then eat a bit.

Except the food's gone. Fucking vanished.

Those cleaning guys aren't even allowed to move shit, they have to clean/wipe/swipe/mow/vacuum around it, this guy took the liberty to - out of his own good fucking will - lift a styrofoam container that has a sandwich, salad and garlic potatoes in it, 20 pounds of fucking food, the size of my fucking head - and throw it away.

To make matters worse, it's past eleven PM on a shitty rainy Tuesday - most grocery stores and restaurants are fucking closed, except the real fucking junk places. There's no way I'm replacing a healthy, fresh Lebanese-style chicken shawarma with McDonald's; it would be five crimes against humanity in one fucking sitting.

Worse still, because it always happens in fucking droves, I have to find time to sleep, go back and forth on public transit and make my way back here for 7 fucking AM tomorrow morning. That's if I don't waste time trying to find something I feel like eating, getting it delivered, and eating it.

Last day of November. Motherfucker. That's where ''Movember'' comes from.

Happy fuckin' Hanukkah.

Congratulations, Alouettes!

Here's a quick word to celebrate the Montréal Alouettes' second straight Grey Cup victory last night in Edmonton, in a very defensive game marred with errors and missed field goals by Als kicker Damon Duval.

With two championships and a lost Final in 3 seasons as head coach, Marc Trestman (pictured) will likely attract the attention of NFL heads, which would be well deserved. Should that happen, I hear Marc Santerre is looking for work... But if he stays... can you spell ''Dynasty''?

One sad note is that QB and leader Anthony Calvillo will have to undergo surgery to remove half his thyroid. Yet he played the whole game, and made the big play when it mattered.

R.I.P. Leslie Nielsen

While I believe the man hadn't made me laugh a single time since the late 1980s, it is hard to deny the career of someone who has played in over 100 films and 1500 TV shows - even if a big chunk of those films are poor parodies such as Superhero Movie, Scary Movie 4, 2001: A Space Travesty, Stan Helsing, Dracula: Dead And Loving It, Wrongfully Accused and An American Carol.

Then again, in this whole wide world, there are far more people like, say, my mother, who think he is a top-notch comedic talent than people like myself, film-school grads who watch 5 to 25 films a week and are over-saturated with repetitiveness.

So... R.I.P. Leslie Nielsen, and kudos on a job well done, on an impeccable deadpan delivery, and on being born in Canada. Your work for the Police Squad with your Naked Gun will live on forever.

And it seems he got along with the ladies... can't hate a ladies' man.

Video Of (Last) Week: Arcade Fire

It's hard to say either party have outdone themselves, really, because both Arcade Fire and director Spike Jonze are responsible for some of the most beautiful and ground-breaking videos out there - one of Arcade Fire's videos, animated in a style reminiscent of both Nightmare Before Christmas and the Spawn series was even the subject of a previous Video Of The Month post, while Jonze has DVDs released of his video works, in addition to his acclaimed films such as Where The Wild Things Are and Being John Malkovich.

This time, in a setup reminiscent of M.I.A.'s Born Free but much more subtle and poignant, The Suburbs are the setting, fittingly, as the title not only of the song but also of their recent album, as we follow a group of teenagers through a day and evening of their time in their neighbourhood, which we learn through time is both police-run by day and under martial law at night, which doesn't stop some of them from being mischievous at times and others from being assaulted.

It's a terrific short film in line with our times, with the Fear and Panic that strikes in the general population, afraid of losing its basic civil liberties - ironically, a theme that seems more present now for Conservatives in the U.S. vis-à-vis the policies of Barack Obama than it was under the George W. Bush / Patriot Act / War On Terror years for Liberals.

It's a good song off a great album - but not the best one, which is a good thing. It leaves room for improvement and upgrading.

 

There's A Douche Part Two: Spector Returns

Less than three months after my rant about Sportsnet's Mark Spector being an ignorant racist douche, as if to prove my point and revive the flames of my anger, the currently-most-read CFL blogger and part-time sports journalist was at it again - this time not just dissing Quebecers, but adding a totally crazy comment I'm not even sure attacks just one race, which goes:

(In the CFL), there are entire receiving corps of white guys, for Pete’s sake. One of them — Saskatchewan’s — is maybe the best in the league!

Like, how imbalanced is the chemistry in his brain to even think about thinking that way? Who gives a shit what skin colour athletes are in the context of league play? A league that barely has eight teams and ran for years with two teams sporting the exact same name spelled differently?

But the man was into the subject of race - and perhaps the sole reason he even brought it up was to segue into his need to reiterate that one of the country's two founding peoples were too demanding for inferior folks:

Yet, faced with questions from the Francophone media over Alouettes complaints regarding their hotel and dressing room, Cohon switched into commissioner mode again.

He may have wanted to say, "Is anything ever good enough for you whiny Quebecers?" or, "My Gosh, do you divas EVER stop expecting preferential treatment?"

First, let's get this straight: the ''Francophone'' media asked a question regarding Alouettes' players complaints, who play in Edmonton  - where the Grey Cup game is being held this weekend - all year long and felt that this time, with the league taking care of accommodations, they are less comfortable this week in preparation for the season's most important game - the Final - than when they're in town for a regular-season game. That, perhaps, while they are in a hostile city (the crowd will, for sure, encourage the Western team), the other team is being treated with the respect Champions deserve. Oh, and the Als are the defending Champs.

Second, most Alouettes aren't Quebecers, they're American. And people of colour. Essentially, ''non-whites'' are asking for 'preferential treatment''... kinda feels like the 2008 U.S Presidential elections, when people were calling Barack Obama ''uppity''.

Jesus Christ, Spector. Look at a calendar. November. 27. 2010. Twenty-fucking-ten. They don't make people like you anymore, haven't in years; what fucked-up manufacturing plant are you from?

Mind you, I'm all for freedom of speech, I'm not asking for the douchebag to get fired. But since my freedom of speech also exists, I'm allowed to call him out on his bigotry. And, like most bigots, he justifies his reasoning with a vague (and false) sense of truth, right before going on on both tirades:

Just because it’s true, it doesn’t mean the commissioner can say it. And just because he can say it, it doesn’t mean it’s true.

In other words: the commissioner can't say these things in this PC-friendly era, so I have to. Because it's true.

Here's the truth, Spector: you are sick in the head. Every excuse, to you, is good enough to bash people for their race - especially Quebecers. Even when those who commit ''the actions'' aren't actually Quebecers, just representing a city full of them.

Jesus Christ, People

I posted this a minute ago on Facebook, and someone's already replied ''this is why kids shouldn't have kids''. Perhaps.

My friend Mark would probably say ''this is why stupid people shouldn't be allowed to have kids''. Touché.

Here's the story: 22-year-old Alexandra Tobias (hey, another name spoiled forever thanks to the internet!) shook her 3-month-old child to death - not once but twice - because it was... crying while she was playing Farmville.

Farmville.

The premise of the game is that by clicking on your screen, you pretend to be farming. You have crops to tend and attend to, trees to harvest, animals to... whatever the fuck you do with animals.

By clicking.

You're not actually farming, so, technically, taking a minute to care about your fucking kid before going back to the game is allowed. So is playing while holding the child. The possibilities are endless, and only limited by the power of your brain to think of a solution.

Unfortunately, killing your fucking kid is not typically seen as the best possible option, which is why she's facing 25 years in jail. Honestly, if I were a judge, there is no way I could put her in jail, considering she is just, clearly, too stupid to even exist - and yet, through improbable odds, she has survived 22 years so far; hopefully she's also too stupid to think of ''insanity'' as a defense, although personally, I'd give it to her right away without a trial. I'd also put her in an abandoned nuthouse set for demolition - and throw away the key. You know - an honest, administrative mistake.

This Time It's True: R.I.P. Pat Burns

"As for my career, I always said to my kids, 'you don't cry because it's over, you're happy because it happened.' That's the main thing. I'm happy it happened."

Celebrate the man and his achievements. Hate the Hall Of Fame for not including him while he was alive.

CBC and CTV ran decent pieces on his life and career.

Here's his evolution throughout the years:

In 1989, with the Habs - the mustache era:

In 1993, with the Leafs - nearing the end of the mullet era:

In 2000, with the Bruins, his third Original Six team:

In 2003, winning the Cup with the Devils:

And in March, when plans for an arena bearing his name were announced:

They say cancer eats at you, well this one fed on one of the toughest public figures of the past 20 years. Rest In Peace, Pat Burns.

They Got It Backwards

A recent American study concludes that people who consume energy drinks have more of a tendency to develop alcoholism.

There I was downing these fucking things so I could continue drinking beer past my bedtime.

Darryl Sutter Is A Genius

Holy shit Darryl Sutter's a genius.

Six points out of the playoffs with 4 games in hand, he traded his own son Brett and Ian White (not good enough to help the Leafs, not good enough to help the Flames) and got Kostopoulos and Babchuk back.

Kosto and Babchuk together earn less than White, so he wins in cap space; Kosto fits with the Sutter mentality, and Babchuk will replace White at a third of the cost.

And Sutter doesn't even look like the asshole who's getting rid of his own son after a drunken assault arrest, 'cause right there waiting for lil' Sutter in Carolina is his cousin Brandon, who now sports the A on his jersey as the leader he was born to be.

That's like four birds with one stone.