2017 In Unnecessary Censorship

Trebek's On Fire!

I'll take "Insulting A Contestant" for $500, Alex!



Perhaps Alex Trebek has been hosting Jeopardy! for too long...

Awesome Limited-Edition Hockey Jerseys

For people in their 30s and 40s, the late-1980s and early-1990s represent the golden age of Saturday Night Live, with Mike Myers, Phil Hartman, Dana Carvey, Chris Rock, Adam Sandler,
 Julia Sweeney, Ellen Cleghorne, Kevin Nealon, Jon Lovitz, Victoria Jackson, Chris Farley, Rob Schneider, David Spade, Tim Meadows, Siobhan Fallon, Nora Dunn, Jan Hooks, Al Franken, and Robert Smigel.

SNL 40 was knee-deep in that specific era, and now the kind folks at Violent Gentlemen (George Parros and friends) also channeled Wayne's World for their new, limited-edition jerseys (feel free to buy me one):

Warren G And Kenny G... angsta?

Jimmy Kimmel does many things with his talk show, using social media to pull pranks on YouTube, starting fake fights with his ex-girlfriend Sarah Silverman involving sleeping with Matt Damon and Ben Affleck... and using the Monday Night music slot for ''mash-ups''.

This one, with Kenny G teaming up with Warren G who is celebrating the 20th anniversary of his groundbreaking 1994 hit Regulate (featuring Nate Dogg at the time, he's the pre-recorded voice you hear), may have been his best yet - and the only time I sat through a Kenny G song throughout:



I must admit the easy-listening superstar was a good sport to participate.

Video Of The Week: Bart Simpson (The Simpsons)

As I was making my way into my first year of high school, at the end of 1990, I was out of touch with the pop charts: I could tolerate Bel Biv Devoe but had no love for Technotronic, Michael Bolton, Snap, Janet Jackson, MC Hammer nor Milli Vanilli, though I did own Hammer's and MV's cassettes (birthday presents from adults).

One instance where I was totally in synch with the charts, though, was when The Simpsons released their first soundtrack - Sing The Blues - which I purchased from the mail-in service ripoff company Columbia House. The lead single, Do The Bartman, featured here, may not have been the best song on it (Deep Deep Trouble was), but the mere fact that it was co-written by Michael Jackson (and may include background vocals from him) makes for a fun anecdote.

)

''Whoa, mama!''

I like that the choreography is also a bit Jackson-like. Oh, and the self-congratulatory ''I'm bad like Michael Jackson, I'm bad, I'm bad!'' - priceless!

Oh, and it was directed by Brad Bird (The Iron Giant, The Incredibles, Ratatouille). That's a lot of big names for such a short moment in time.

It's funny to think that at first, the series (and all promotional material) was centered around Bart's antics, but they evolved into being more about Homer, a more rounded character. 25 years in, the series is still alive and well, though perhaps without the highs of South Park and Family Guy, but definitely with more consistency.

That Moment It Dawns On You...

... that of all the characters on any TV show of all time, you are not Batman, Sherlock Holmes or Jack Bauer.

You're not Joey from friends, not even Joey Donovan or Joey Russo (both characters played by Joey Lawrence, I guess he can't act a first name), and you sure as fuck aren't Uncle Joey. At least you're not Joey Buttafuoco.

But, no, you're George Constanza, the biggest selfish loser prick of the 1990s.

And it's not just your shitty luck, your growing a belly and/or receding hairline, but more related to the fact that even though you've seen every Seinfeld episode dozens of times, you start seeing George act in his relationships or actions in regards to other people and tell yourself ''I would also have reacted that way'' or, worse, ''that was the only reasonable way to react''.

Which means you're fucked. And you will never get fucked again.

This Week's Top 10s

Top 10 Songs:

10. HIGH ROAD, Cults (2013)
9. CUPS (WHEN I'M GONE), Anna Kendrick (2013)
8. BIG SHOT, The Pack A.D. (2013)
7. FOR IT ALL NOW, Outernational (2013)
6. WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER, Sam Roberts Band (2013)
5. MAGDALENA, Pixies (2013)
4. SACRILEGE, Yeah Yeah Yeahs (2013)
3. RHYME OR REASON, Eminem (2013)
2. DO WHAT U WANT, Lady Gaga (feat. Christina Aguilera) (2014)
1. HIGGS BOSON BLUES, Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds (2013)

 Top 10 SNL Weekend Update Anchors:

10. COLIN QUINN (1998-2000)
9. AMY POEHLER (2004-2008)
8. SETH MEYERS (2006-2013)
7. JIMMY FALLON (2000-2004)
6. JANE CURTIN (1976-1980)
5. NORM MACDONALD (1994-1997)
4. DENNIS MILLER (1985-1991)
3. TINA FEY (2000-2006)
2. KEVIN NEALON (1991-1994)
1. CHEVY CHASE (1975-1976)

Honestly, I probably feel Kevin Nealon deserved top spot in my heart of hearts, but Chevy Chase invented the whole thing and was just as good, it's just that the art of ''fake newsing'' had been perfected by the time Nealon came, and he was flawless. Also, I wanted to put Bill Murray in at #10, but since he only did it for parts of one season, it didn't seem far to Colin Quinn who, while he didn't live up to the previous three anchors in part because even his regular speaking voice sounds like an illiterate person reading out loud, was the only person worth watching on Saturday Night Live for two and a half seasons (apart from the musical guests).

Worse Than An Actual Chemistry Playset?

Apparently some folks in the U.K. are going bonkers over a new line of toys by Citizen Brick (the actual Lego brand refused any involvement, so the Men With The Ideas went to a rip-off company instead) over a Breaking Bad-inspired line of toys dubbed SuperLab...

What's funny is that both sides are pissed off: the ''save our children'', religious/law-abiding (as if!) crowd are angry that a line of toys inspired by a TV series based on the making and selling of crystal meth that has so many underage views use such blunt dug paraphernalia throughout the playset; and those who'd let it be are mad that it sells for £160 ($250 US).

Here's what I think: if you're too dumb a parent to stop your fucking kids from watching a TV show that airs well past their bedtime and is based around the sale of one of the harshest drugs out there, you have no right to complain about the secondary market making a buck off of said show. There's a reason it's classified 18+ in most places (16+ in Québec): it deals with harsh shit, a lot of it illegal, most of it violent.

And if you're a collector willing to spend half your rent money on a line of toys, don't be surprised if an actual meth addict ends up stealing it from you at some point, either to resell it, or just to have memorabilia from the show that inspired them to start doing drugs in the first place.

I'm sure a chemistry play set like parents gave their kids 30 years ago mixed with some methylamine could do so much more damage anyhow.

How Toy Story And Walking Dead Are the Same Story

I'm usually the first to find similarities between different films, to the point where I could re-edit a new release each week with clips of old films (I did so with Avatar, with mostly just clips from Dances With Wolves and Pocahontas...), but this one I never saw coming, despite being a HUGE Walking Dead and Toy Story fan: 25 similarities between the two.

Here's #1, and check out the rest here:

His Name Is Prince, And He's An Asshole

Prince was on Jimmy Fallon (the show) recently and was his usual, boombastic, spectacular, moody self, performing two numbers and shredding an intense solo, and then...

After unleashing a blistering solo on Bambi he did a guitar virtuoso’s version of dropping the mic before walking off stage, throwing his guitar up into the air and letting it crash to the ground. Just one problem: the axe wasn’t his. The Gear Page points out the guitar was a gorgeous 1961 Epiphone Crestwood that belongs to Captain Kirk Douglas of Fallon’s house band The Roots. Apparently when Prince arrived for rehearsal he admired the guitar and asked to borrow it for the performance. Douglas agreed, and then Prince wrecked it at the end of “Bambi.”

Yeah, he destroyed someone else's guitar, and this one in particular belonging to a well-respected musician with a reputation for being one of the sweetest guys on the hip-hop/jazz/pop/rock circuit.

But wait, there's more!

The worst part? Douglas apparently asked Prince to sign it for him, and Prince said no.

Now that's diva!

I Choo-Choo-Choose You

The vehicle through which such sentences as ''My cat's breath smells like cat food'' and ''Me fail English? That's un-possible!'' was also the recipient of this Valentine's Day card in The Simpsons:

Ralph Wiggum, international symbol of today's VD.

Modern Seinfeld

What would Seinfeld story lines be like in today's TV world? 

Twitter has an answer: Modern Seinfeld. Smart-asses have re-imagined plotlines adapted to today's overwhelming presence of the web, hyper-emphasis on security, and a slew of other comical situations.

Here are a few:

Not only do I like the pop culture references, I like the fake-guest stars they're thinking of as well!

Live-Blogging A Triple-Tooth Extraction

It's been a surreal week so far, with only one day of work, a death in the extended family, and an appointment to extract teeth - I didn't know until the last minute if it'd consist of one, two or three leaving my mouth. Turns out I went for three, all top-left, all in the back (starting with the molar, we're letting my wisdom tooth grow).

My appointment was originally for 7:30 PM on Thursday, but they called me on Tuesday to postpone it to 8PM. Here's how it went:

5:15 PM - They call me, asking me to come in earlier. They offer 6:30 PM, but that's too early and there's no way I'd be able to make it in time; we settle for 7 PM.

5:45 PM - I leave the house. I know for a fact that I won't be able to eat for 24 or 48 hours after the act, so I stop by McDonald's for a quick, unsatisfying bite. I take a third-pound angus burger, but forgo taking the trio (drink and fries) for the extra $3 because it's a rip-off. And I don't feel like spending over $10 on a McD's meal.

6 PM - I get on the subway.

6:20 PM - off the subway, wait for the bus, that's 20 minutes away.

6:25 PM - I get thirsty and start looking for a convenience store, but there are none in sight. I settle for a bowling alley, and buy a $3 (can't make that shit up) small bottle of 7Up. Should have taken the fucking meal, I would have had more to drink...

7 PM - I get to the dentist's.

7:05 PM - I'm sitting in the chair, getting my shots of anesthetic.

9 PM - I'm done. A quick stop at a pharmacy for painkillers (percocet!) and my dad drives me home.

9:10 PM - I take my meds and watch TV.

MIDNIGHT (Friday morning) - I start feeling pressure on my teeth - a bit in the hole where my old teeth used to be, kind of the same pain as the toothaches I used to have - but I also feel something in my front teeth, I guess she was pressing against them for leverage in taking the other ones out, but now those were annoying me. I guess the anesthetic has worn off.

3 AM - Time for bed.

6 AM - An incredible thirst comes over me, so I get up to chug a liter of mineral water. Then back to bed. Can't sleep. Fuck.

9 AM - Pill time. I get up, with just a minimal amount of pain in my face, less than a toothache, more like the pain you get when you have a small cavity. This could be less bad than I'd heard. Back to bed for what should be a couple of hours. Waking up at noon would make sense.

3 PM - Drowsy, but feel I should get up, if only to take my anti-inflammatory meds. Decide to order wonton soup to go along with it. Great fucking idea, I rule. Let's watch La Galère with the Former Lady Of The House.

4 PM - I've had enough of that show, would rather play Civilization.

6 PM - Feel drowsy again, I'll nap a while.

9 PM - Up in time for meds and supper. I'll have garlic-and-herbs pasta (I'm tired of tomato-based sauces for the time being). Will watch Family Guy (Season 10).

11 PM - tired, off to bed.

3 AM (Saturday Morning) - Jesus Christ. The place where my teeth used to be hurts, similar to a tooth ache, except without the physical presence. Is it all in my mind? Also, the left side of my face has swelled and feels the same as having an abscess, except I don't have one, I'd feel it with my tongue, and I don't. On the plus side, it's time for my meds.

3:30 AM - Can't fall back asleep, although the pain has subsided a bit. It's definitely tolerable, in any case, so I guess I'll play Civilization until I can go back to sleep.

9 AM - Shit, time for more meds. I guess I should try to get back to bed.

2 PM - Woke up drowsy, but it'd be a shame to waste the whole day in bed, so  I'll get up. I'll make myself some shitty McCain tiny pizzas for lunch, they'll be ready for meds-time (3PM). I guess I should clean up a bit, too. I'll start with vacuuming the hall and living room.

Homer Simpson Votes For Romney

Now that The Simpsons are sure to be paid until Season 25 and not come back for a 26th, its creators and writers aren't afraid to take sarcastic political stances on current events and going against the Fox family - even in its ads!

Usually, Family Guy and The Simpsons stick to complaining only on their shows and not bite the hand that feeds them outside of the framework they're given. This time, they went further:

So I've Always Liked Strong Women To Match My Own Character

As a kid, I watched a lot of TV: G.I. Joe, Transformers, He-Man, Thundercats, M.A.S.K., Go-Bots (a cheap Transformers knock-off), Spider-Man And His Amazing Friends, Goldorak, Astro Boy, Albator, Mazinger Z (the poor man's Goldorak), Voltron... lots of guys with big muscles and cars that turned into shit, and things that turned into giant communist (all the heroes in the same character) robots. And an anarchist pirate.

And, for a short while... She-Ra. I'd add ''in my defense, I was only watching it in case He-Man made one of his many cameos'', but even I'm not sure if that would make me admit I'm more or less manly. But the truth hurts, that idiom stays real.

In any event, I always like when pop culture catches up to She-Ra, proving I wasn't the only one who liked watching re-hashed stories involving He-Man's cuter little cousin - with smaller boobs.

As a matter of fact, someone on HelloGiggles - Zooey Deschanel's own blogosphere that she shares with her friends - made a list of 5 things they learned from She-Ra...

Will Kat Dennings Save TV?

Talk about putting pressure on yourself...

The wonderful Kat Dennings, now starring in the TV sitcom 2 Broke Girls, claims:

The show's not just a ha-ha machine. I grew up watching The Golden Girls, The Nanny – I want to bring the sitcom back.

Big words for such a reclusive young girl. Then again, she's not that reclusive. But at 25, we won't hold any of that against her.

And in an era when many decent TV shows such as Pan Am and Parks & Recreation are probably doomed to disappear because dumb TV execs don't factor in TiVo recordings nor DVD/Blu-ray sales when counting a series' viewership, audience numbers are seemingly stalling.

But as fine shows such as Arrested Development and My Name Is Earl have shown, network bosses have no idea how today's fans react and how passionate they can be. I hope 2 Broke Girls finds its niche.

The Voice

Have you heard of this new TV show, The Voice?

It originated in Holland, it's a singing contest à la American Idol, except in the preliminary round, contestants are performing to judges who have their back turned to them, the point being an ugly contestant who has chops has a shot at beating a pretty one who sucks. Think Susan Boyle, backwards. Or right-wards, but without the guilt.

So it's about going at it blind.

So what do the ads do?

Show us show judge Christina Aguilera in all sorts of sexually fascinating poses, wind in her face, looking sultry and sexy and slutty. Just 'cause she'll be playing blind doesn't mean you have to, I guess.

In that respect, here's a cleavage shot:

Good Times: Justin Bieber Shot Dead

This is like porno for psychos. Popcorn fare for the rest of us.

R.I.P. Leslie Nielsen

While I believe the man hadn't made me laugh a single time since the late 1980s, it is hard to deny the career of someone who has played in over 100 films and 1500 TV shows - even if a big chunk of those films are poor parodies such as Superhero Movie, Scary Movie 4, 2001: A Space Travesty, Stan Helsing, Dracula: Dead And Loving It, Wrongfully Accused and An American Carol.

Then again, in this whole wide world, there are far more people like, say, my mother, who think he is a top-notch comedic talent than people like myself, film-school grads who watch 5 to 25 films a week and are over-saturated with repetitiveness.

So... R.I.P. Leslie Nielsen, and kudos on a job well done, on an impeccable deadpan delivery, and on being born in Canada. Your work for the Police Squad with your Naked Gun will live on forever.

And it seems he got along with the ladies... can't hate a ladies' man.

Sad News, Men

I had a post about Megan Fox earlier today...

Turns out she married Brian Austin Green, the DJ/nerd douchebag from the original Beverly Hills 90210 series in a quiet ceremony in late June...

Guess I'll have to post about Halle Berry and Kate Winslet, I hope you don't mind...