Plug: Getting Over The New Year Hangover

If you're in town for the day (well, the night, mostly!), you should definitely stop by Casa Del Popolo (4873 St-Laurent, right below St-Joseph - my favourite venue in the city) for the world premiere of my new band, S*H*A*L*L (yes, it stands for Stuart-Hell-Austin-Lento-Lines, our first choice was to call ourselves Godfeed You! Fat Senator?, but my friend Mauro from the actual Godspeed veto'ed it).

S*H*A*L*L is 5 of Montréal's best singer-songwriters, all former members of the Velvet Underground cover band Loaded, each singing 2 of their songs, swapping instruments and backing the others for the rest. Except me: I get 3 songs.

We're opening for the Caroline Glass Band - also a Loaded alumni! - and it's a measly 5 bucks, which also includes a sample of Miracle Fruit, should you be so inclined.

Bring your friends!

Facebook event link here.

New Year's Day

All is quiet on New Year's Day
The streets are empty
Even the snow's melting away
A new calendar won't erase old pains

But ring out the champagne
It's cause to celebrate
It's now or never
No reason to explain

Chew Through Pain

Apparently, getting a tattoo removed is so painful you need a mouthguard to chew on to deter from the pain. Well, Megan Fox does, anyway.

Then again, I suspect she also has to find a way to numb the pain of being married to Beverly Hills, 90210 alumni and ''DJ'' Brian Austin Green...

Bale Bat No More

News from late November: Christian Bale will no longer try to make us believe he can be convincing as a superhero, as he will don the Bat-cape for the last time in next summer's The Dark Knight Rises.

Don't get me wrong: the first two Bale-Christopher Nolan batflicks were very good, well written, well directed, decently acted, superbly filmed. But there is no way in fucking hell Bale, as Bruce Wayne, was credible as the world's best-looking billionaire playboy (Brad Pitt would probably have been a much better choice), and growling like an out-of-breath pedophile while crouching does not a scary avenger make.

Just sayin'.

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun And Fight

From one embarrassing football moment to another...

As the Lingerie Football League (oh yes, what started as a Super Bowl promo stunt has actually turned into a cash cow...) Philadelphia Passion (urgh) beat the Toronto Triumph (yes, like the Insult Comic Dog...) 74-0 playing by the rules, they also beat them outside the rules. Physically. As in: ''fight''.



Girls fighting in lingerie... and helmets. Lose the helmets, throw in a few pillows perhaps?

Sideline Peeing

I've been sitting on this for almost a month, a bit 'cause I've been busy, a bit 'cause I've been sick/injured, but mostly because shit came up and it got lost in the shuffle.

But the important thing is I'm finally talking about Nick Novak of the NFL's San Diego Chargers' sideline urination. And letting you watch, because you're perverts. Then again, there's no privacy in a 60,000-capacity stadium filled with TV cameras.

Video Of The Week: Soul Asylum

In the late-80s and early 90s (until 1993), one band was hailed as the best live band in America: Soul Asylum.

Their breakthrough album, Grave Dancers Union, spawned such hits as Runaway Train and Black Gold, but I've always favoured Somebody To Shove as its breakthrough track, because it rocks, sure, but also because the beginning-and-ending riff is just so memorable.

I'm also a sucker for shivering-like-a-heroin-addict lead singers - until 1993. When Alanis Morrissette got in on the trend, she killed it.

Dr. Seb's Tips For The Sexually Inclined

The thing with open relationships is both sides absolutely have to know what they're getting into - and be fine with it - because things will inevitably turn sour if they don't.

For starters, in a heterosexual relationship, the female will almost invariably end up being the one with the most opportunities to get laid; the guy has to be ready to not be able to go one-for-one on all fuckinghoodness. Any feelings of jealousy will fuck your shit up beyond repair.

Also, a trap many fall into - including one couple I follow through the internets - is that each spouse came up with a girlfriend or boyfriend of their own, thus each falling into another 'actual' relationship. This spells DANGER on so many fucking levels, because through time, feelings will emerge and the possibility of having deeper feelings for the newest person in your life instead of your life-long partner exists... and Murphy's Law will do its best to insert itself in your love triangle, one way or another. Hearts will break, whether they be in your preceding couple or the newer one. With 4 humans involved, one, two or three will end up dissatisfied - it's inevitable.

Not all humans can separate sex and emotions. For every couple that has stuck to its animalistic roots, a hundred have evolved into sedentary, building-a-home territory.

Video Of The Week: Obie Trice

Sure, Hip Hop as a medium, an art form, evolves almost daily - and this song dates back from 2003, lifetimes ago. But this Eminem protégé's biggest hit won't get out of my head - and it's been over a week. It's got to say something about Obie Trice's endearing humour...

But as he so eloquently puts it himself... ''ya gotta have teeth, baby... it just wouldn't look right... me, big lips, you no teeth... it wouldn't work''.

Lil' Kim Jong-Il

Because people are stupid. Because Google is too hard to use before tweeting.

In case you don't know what I'm referring to: thousands of fucking tweeters wrote R.I.P. Lil' Kim messages when North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il died.

My faith in mankind has now officially run out.