Trebek's On Fire!

I'll take "Insulting A Contestant" for $500, Alex!



Perhaps Alex Trebek has been hosting Jeopardy! for too long...

Independence Day

Not every people gets to experience their Independence Day. Not every country gets to tell its parents/owners/conquerors they want to try to make it on their own.

'Murrrrca, you're not perfect. You're probably still the most racist country on earth, and your insistence on owning weapons you will never know how to use will always exacerbate the difference of opinions your Founding Fathers cherished and thought would be the basis of your democracy.

The 2000s have divided you to extremes no one ever could imagine. Your once-promising culture resides no longer in the quality of your art and museums but to which dumb asshole you will put on a Reality TV show next.

But in the 1770s, you - with a shitload of help from the French and in particular Gilbert du Motier (a.k.a. Marquis de Lafayette) - told England to fuck off with their tea, and snobbery, and monarchy, and Old World colonial ways.

You were too selfish to help the French and Aboriginals fight back the English in Québec (New France/Lower Canada) in return, but at least you got your nice little country out of it. And you built it on the promise of Equality, which is nice.

It took a while to get there, sure, and the argument can be made that you still haven't (racial bias in the economic and legal systems, wage disparity, marriage equality), but the idea is there. If not for you, then perhaps for some future country/society with the will and openness to apply your theories.

So, Happy Independence Day, United States of America. 239 years in your experiment, you're either halfway there or on the brink of collapse. My thoughts are with you; let's hope for the best.

Family Feud Funny

I think this clip speaks for itself. That lady looks like she'd be a fun guest at parties.

WOMEN!

More often than not, I end my day having thought ''we really haven't evolved much since the 1950s'' in regards to sexism, gender equality and the like.

But once a week, I fall on old ads like this one that make me think ''oh, riiiiight'':

I mean, shit, when you put it that way, no, I'm sure she doesn't want her flaps stinking like an old kipper.

Which isn't to say we've arrived, either. As a matter of fact, I'm fairly certain we were closer to the goal in the mid-to-late 1990s than we are now.

Somewhere along the line, between putting George W. Bush in the white house as a President you'd rather ''have a beer with'' than have ''be smarter than you'', the rise of men's magazines like Maxim who may have been sarcastic when they captioned their almost-nude models' pictures but whose readership was too dumb for a second degree thought to ever emerge from their brains, and the Rise Of Redneck Culture (guns, Southern accents, pulled pork and barbecue, wrestling, wife beaters, Larry The Cable Guy, hating brown people instead of blacks being treated like ''acceptable racism'', Kid Rock, and reality TV shows glorifying child beauty pageants, dysfunctional families or junk resellers) as a whole did nothing but bring society back to at least the early 1980s.

And the Conservatives in general (and Republicans in particular) hyping up the 1950s as if the Cold War, segregation and women at home were ideals worth going back to, and pounding their message on their own infomercial network (Fox News) have done nothing to deter from dangerously falling behind again. In fact, they strongly encourage it.

Perhaps a few of them even have stock in Lux kebab soaps.

Rich Kids Of Instagram

You may - or may not - have heard of the website Rich Kids Of Instagram; it is exactly what you have in mind: a blog-type site compiling the ''best'' (i.e. the worst, if you're in your right mind) Instagram pictures of trust-fund young adults spending way too much money on futile things and living the life of luxury you wouldn't even think a rock star would have, 'cause, you know, rock stars are busy touring making that moolah.

Among which:

But my favourite of all, because all the questions you might have regarding it can be answered by ''because I can'':

''That's right, bro: put the lion on the 'rari.'' We're assuming he's already had the car and cat race, that the feline's name is 'Rocky' or 'Rocco', and that a pound of cocaine will go through this asshole's nose by the end of the month.

Every single one of those pictures (and the hundreds more on the site) will lead you to wonder in amazement: if the money spent on what is in this very picture - not on that day, just right there - would have gone to a good cause, how little would it have hurt them financially, and how much of a difference could it have made in countless needy people's lives?

And then... reality kicks in.

Reality TV, that is.

Because the site's been so successful, E! is producing Rich Kids of Beverly Hills, a show that will feature many of the site's over-indulgers, though the site itself will not be a part of it nor compensated for inspiring it.

I'm kind of appalled that those fuckers be glorified exactly in the manner they'd wish to be (on TV, doing what they do, as if their behaviour was to be condoned and encouraged), yet as we have seen with TV's highest-rated show, Honey Boo-Boo, it could serve as a warning on how not to raise your kids.

Who am I kidding? No one over the age of 5 learns anything from TV, except that if you behave badly enough, you'll get on there. If you're poor, Cops and Judge Judy will be there if you act in a criminal manner and Maury will be there if you've merely displayed illogical behaviour; and if you're rich, you can start flashing all your money on programs like this one and Meet The Kardashians, and move on to Celebrity Rehab when you start your descent into the inevitable.

R.I.P. Mindy McCready

She was a tortured soul who felt alone, needed to feel loved and accepted, and never quite got past the brink of happiness. As a teen - some reports (quoting him) say she was 15, others (quoting her) say 16 - she met baseball steroid über-user and star pitcher Roger Clemens and they promptly started a long-term relationship that was ''sexual in its nature''; as a young adult, she entered the country music business on the strength of karaoke tapes she brought to Nashville labels (and was signed by BNA Records); apart from Clemens, she dated pop culture side-dishes Dean Cain and Drake Berehowski; her substance-abuse problems became so rampant that she spent a season on Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew.

That was the public life of Mindy McCready.

In the end, she shot herself on the same porch, in the same exact manner as her boyfriend (and father of her second child) David Wilson, who had done it a month prior. It was at least her fifth suicide attempt.

Most of the conversation regarding her death should center around her talent, then substance abuse and mental health - and hopefully it will.

But we should also reserve a spot to talk about Reality TV, and more specifically Dr. Drew's exploitation show. She is the fifth ''cast member'' of the hack Dr. Drew Pinski - the third from Season 3 alone - to die in the last two years. While some of those were deemed ''accidental'', all of them involved drugs and alcohol directly: Rodney King drowned but was found to have alcohol, marijuana, cocaine and PCP in his blood, and Grease actor Jeff Conway may have died from pneumonia, but the autopsy showed his life-long addiction to painkillers was the cause of it. Alice In Chains bassist Mike Starr and Real World participant Joey Kovar both died of overdoses, Starr on cocaine and heroin, Kovar on heroin and other opiates.

Some cynics claim it'd be a scandal if no one from a series about addiction had died, and Pinski agrees with them, from a CNN interview last night:

One of my hopes was, in bringing ‘Celebrity Rehab’ out, was to teach people how dangerous addiction was. If I was doing a show on cancer, there would not be much surprise when my cancer patient died. In fact, we’d celebrate a few years of good quality life. People don’t understand that addiction has virtually the same prognosis. If you have other mental health issues on top of that, it’s so much worse. This was not an addiction death, interestingly. This was related to - had her boyfriend not died, I don’t think there’s any way we’d be in this position right now.

Really? He drops the fucking towel this easily? ''Meh, I gave it a half-assed shot, spewed out a few clichés here and there, made her (and others) look like a complete ass, and I did all that while also seeing my regular, non-celeb patients on the side, raking money in from all sides while forging myself a reputation as the go-to guy. Come see me, you have a 1-in-3 chance of dying.''

Jack Kevorkian went to jail for helping people who wanted to die get there. This hack's job is to try to save the fuckers and he fails consistently - how is that not also murder?

News From Tila Tequila

Remember Tila Tequila?

The former MySpace click champion (and subsequently Reality TV ''star'') has taken to blogging, and has clearly lost her mind:

I DECLARE A WAR BUT NO SOLDIERS, JUST ME, THE PEOPLE, AND ALL OF YOU SO CALLED ILLUMINATI, ELITIST COWARDS! I HAVE ALL YOUR SECRETS, I AM MUCH WISER THAN I WAS BACK THEN WHEN YOU F-CKED ME OVER SO BAD I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO JUST DIE FROM ALL THE PAIN YOU ORCHESTRATED AND INFLICTED UPON MY SOUL! MY TILA ARMY AND THE WORLD AT LARGE HAS YOU WAAAAAAAAY OUT NUMBERED!!

SHOULD I TELL THEM ABOUT THE SUPER HUMANS THAT EXIST AND ALL OF THOSE EXPERIMENTS YOU DO ON THEM TO USE THEIR POWERS FOR YOUR OWN BENEFIT?  SHOULD I TELL THEM THAT IS WHY SO MANY “MISSING CHILDREN” POP UP EACH YEAR BECAUSE YOU SADISTIC F-CKS WERE THE ONES BEHIND IT??! AGAIN, THERE ARE STILL PLENTY OF US OUT HERE WITH SUPER POWERS AND I WILL GATHER THEM ALL TOGETHER AND YOU EVIL PRICKS ARE ALL GOING DOWN!!!
SO WHAT IF YOU ARE ALIEN HYBRID? THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU OWN US!

SHALL I TELL THE PEOPLE ABOUT THE ENTIRE CITY INSIDE THE HOLLOW EARTH??? SHALL I TELL THE PEOPLE THAT YOU CAME HERE AND LEFT YOUR OWN PLANET TO INFILTRATE OURS AND NOW SOME OF YOU STILL CURRENTLY RESIDE ON THE MOON!

And if you thought that was bad:

(...) Aside from that, I was also indeed “JOAN OF ARC” in another one of my past lives!!!!!  It makes so much sense now!  I mean, Joan of Arc and myself share incredibly similar things!

Uh, yeah. Please... go on...

Everything I talk about now, it is only and always in the 5th dimension frequency!  For instance I cannot relate to anything here on Earth anymore.  Everything I speak of is always in a very spiritual manner and My “HUMAN 3rd dimension body” is CONSTANTLY disappearing and reappearing all the time now!

I WILL be disappearing soon in the new Kingdom of God in the 5th Dimension back to my true light soul once again, and I shall be disappearing VERY SOON!  The only reason why I am still here, when indeed I have already given my certificate to Enter the new Kingdom of God, but I choose to stay here just for a little longer because it would hurt me deeply (just because I have been granted access to the 5th Dimension and given my “GALACTIC CARD” to travel to all 12 dimensions) doesn’t mean I can just leave you guys here and forget about you!  I told you this once before and I shall say it again, “I HAVE NEVER LEFT YOU NOR WILL I EVER LEAVE YOU!”

That's the stuff!

Some other titles of her recent posts include ''The Government Are Cloning Humans and Themselves! ZOMBIES ARE REAL!'', which includes the amazing quote:

The human race is possessed by demons. (...) These beings are mentally sick, upside down and follow a perverse goal of death instead of life.

George W. Bush died in 1987 and was carried on through secret laboratories (Area 51 etc.) as a zombie henceforth.

Well, it takes one to know one. Not the zombie thing, the mentally sick part.

Chad 'Ochocinco' Johnson Gets Cut By The Dolphins

Former superstar Chad 'Ochocinco' Johnson has falling on tough times. No team wanted to sign him this summer, and only the Miami Dolphins gave him a shot to fight for a roster spot.

He got married 40 days ago, but got in a dispute with his wife over a bill... for condoms. He allegedly head-butted her in the dispute that erupted, although it is her - not him - who has a history of violent acts, including many perpetrated on the VH1 reality show Basketball Wives.

And now his coach is firing him, live on HBO...



Update: his wife is filing for divorce.

Sideline Peeing

I've been sitting on this for almost a month, a bit 'cause I've been busy, a bit 'cause I've been sick/injured, but mostly because shit came up and it got lost in the shuffle.

But the important thing is I'm finally talking about Nick Novak of the NFL's San Diego Chargers' sideline urination. And letting you watch, because you're perverts. Then again, there's no privacy in a 60,000-capacity stadium filled with TV cameras.

Karma Hits Me And Steven Seagal

I just had to be writing about a puppy killer one day and dumb criminals the next, and now it's come to bite me in the ass. Well, Steven Seagal more than me, considering he killed a puppy when the tank (!) he was driving through a suspected cock-fighting den's owner's house as he was accompanying the town sheriff for the benefit of a (possibly failed) reality TV show.

And now the Arizona resident is suing the cop, the actor and the show.

Gotta love these plot twists where the alleged criminal ends up turning the tables around, forgetting he's the one that started it all...

Double-twist: Seagal and sheriff Joe Arpaio refute the dog owner's claim.

This can only go to amazing places...

The Voice

Have you heard of this new TV show, The Voice?

It originated in Holland, it's a singing contest à la American Idol, except in the preliminary round, contestants are performing to judges who have their back turned to them, the point being an ugly contestant who has chops has a shot at beating a pretty one who sucks. Think Susan Boyle, backwards. Or right-wards, but without the guilt.

So it's about going at it blind.

So what do the ads do?

Show us show judge Christina Aguilera in all sorts of sexually fascinating poses, wind in her face, looking sultry and sexy and slutty. Just 'cause she'll be playing blind doesn't mean you have to, I guess.

In that respect, here's a cleavage shot:

That's A Shitty Hockey Goal, Joe!

Sure, the Washington Capitals' colour commentator Craig Laughlin probably thinks he said ''shinny''.

The important thing is: I don't.

Word To VH1: Originality Is Allowed

(re-posted from my collectibles blog)

Just like the Yvette Nelson card I featured earlier, this superb Kiss Card is from Benchwarmer's 2007 Gold Edition set, and features Megan Hauserman, the 21st of only 24 models asked to kiss a card rather than autograph it. These cards are rare and quite valuable.


Since then, however, Megan has come a long way. She is pretty much VH1's go-to girl when it comes to Reality TV series, seeing as she's appeared in all of the following shows: Beauty And The Geek (Season 3), Rock Of Love (Season 2), I Love Money (Season 1), Rock of Love: Charm School, The Great Debate, Megan Wants A Millionaire, The Truth Commercial and, of course, Rock Of Love: Where Are They Now. So, really, it seems VH1 is really interested in finding this poor gal somebody to love. Unfortunately for them, it's been reported that she is currently engaged with one Anthony Scirpoli, of Cerca Trova Fashion, a jewelry company. I guess she found her millionaire after all.


She was rewarded for all her hard work in 2008, at the Fox Reality Awards by winning the coveted Best Awkward Moment trophy with Bret Michaels, for their moment in Rock Of Love 2.


Seriously, though, VH1 should branch out and try new people on their shows; it's becoming quite an incestuous relationship of spin-offs and sequels that never seem to end and just keep blending into one another. We know where this is going: they're trying to get Flavor Flav to hook up with Bret Michaels - not happening.

R.I.P. Greg Giraldo

What started as rumours became official, Wednesday night, as the death of comedian Greg Giraldo was announced, most likely from accidental prescription drug overdose.

First, as is now customary, TMZ announced it, then the rest of the media followed suit. I've had a busy week of barely sleeping and being out in the real world, so I wasn't online for most of the hours when the sun is shining, so I learned it from Jon Stewart's brief but heartfelt tribute at the end of his Daily Show.

Giraldo was a sure-shot: give him any slot (headliner, opener), any tribune (stand-up show, festival, TV show, roast) - and he will always get a laugh out of the audience. His comedic style was post-90s: sarcastic, witty, bound with almost as many cultural references as Dennis Miller but without the retarded politics forcing their way in the jokes and making them less funny.

To call him an insult comic would be right, I guess, but only describes maybe 20% of his comedic persona. The fact that he could retort in half a second's time to anyone else's comments in any setting using pop culture references if they were to be understood but without resorting to them for an audience for whom it would go unnoticed made him a good judge for such TV shows as Last Comic Standing.

Twice married, he leaves 3 children behind. He also used to be a lawyer - he graduated from Harvard Law. Which probably explains his natural ability for turn-on-a-dime comedy. He would have been 45 this December. He will be missed.

Pop Goes the World

Montréal musician and columnist Jonathan Cummins, a Montreal Mirror regular for perhaps a decade now, hit a grand slam in his column today.

He bashed a reality TV show, a Canadian ''making the band'' type of horror thing, with terrible Canadian no-talent judges, with foul language that brings vivid imagery.

He also plugged my show and and festival, UnPop Montréal, and all the acts playing at Parc Des Amériques tomorrow night, without even mentionning the acts playing the same place today, Saturday and Sunday - all organized by Pop Montreal, my ''direct competitor''.

Hmmm: also: I just noticed, while linking to Pop's website, that they too are plugging my show(s) - with a picture of me playing solo, too! And the pic is my former Facebook profile pic, where did they get it? I want to say ''thanks'', but too many questions are raised...

It's weird. I like to comment on the news, but now I am the news. I guess Michael Jackson really is dead.