This Week's Top 10 Songs

Top 10 Songs:

10. EL CUARTO DE TULA, Buena Vista Social Club (1997)
9. DRAG ROPES, Storm Corrosion (2012)
8. DESPAIR, Yeah Yeah Yeahs (2013)
7. LEAVE BEHIND, Martha Wainwright (2012)
6. ALL TIME LOW, Nine Inch Nails (2013)
5. FOUR BLACK SHEEP, Martha Wainwright (2012)
4. GOLD DUST WOMAN (Stevie Nicks cover), Hole (1996)
3. MIND YOUR MANNERS, Pearl Jam (2013)
2. YOUTH WITHOUT YOUTH, Metric (2012)
1. CAME BACK HAUNTED, Nine Inch Nails (2013)

Caitlin Heller's Boyfriend Is Dating A Shameless Idiot

For now, we assume Caitlin Heller is really the girl in the following video, and that she really put it up on YouTube for us all to laugh at:



But because these are the internets, and the series of tubes have fooled us before, we will assume at a 25% level that it could be her boyfriend (or ex), or roommate, or even an enemy who put it online; we'll know for sure in a year, when she has committed suicide - or not.

''She'' is quoted as saying:

I tried making a sexy twerk video for my boyfriend and things got a little too hot :)

WOW! Didn't expect all this attention. I'm fine. Just a little embarrassed!! THX!!

Video Of The Week: The Mahones

I had a few options this week, including some visually-poignant pieces, but decided I'd go for The Mahones' The King Of Copenhagen because I listened to their CD a lot this week, and they released the video today.

It consists entirely of fan footage from their most recent European tour, which makes for a low-budget, fan-friendly piece that also manages to capture the band's live energy. The video focuses a lot on accordionist Katie Kaboom, but that is understandable, because she is at the forefront, always energetic, intense, twisting in various positions, sexy as hell, and married to bandleader Finny McConnell.

I might have appreciated it a tad more if they'd tried a tad harder to put images of Finny singing while vocals are being sung, and band footage when they're not, to give the illusion that it could be sung in concordance with the images, but the fact that it isn't just means you have to watch it twice - once to look at the band's show (and Kaboom), and once more to listen to the song you vaguely recollect from your first go at it. Come to think of it, that's an amazing ploy to double their YouTube hits...

Fan: Short For ''Fanatic''

I like San Franciso 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick  as much as the proverbial next guy... except if that guy is this guy:

Just... wow. So much to say. From ''eyes on the back of his head'', to ''kudos to the barber'', to ''why put a man with so much facial hait on the head you're having shaved - you're going through more trouble than he is!''

Also, if you don't get the reference to ''the Stick'', Candlestick Park, once the home of the San Francisco Giants, is entering its final season as the home of the 49ers. In an oddity relatively prevalent in this economy-driven/fan-and-tradition-ignoring era, their new stadium - Levi's Stadium, ''The Field Of Jeans'' (no I didn't make that shit up) - will actually be 40 miles outside of San Fransisco, in Santa Clara. Because everyone loves going to the suburbs for their entertainment*, right?

*Ask the NHL's twice-bankrupt Phoenix Coyotes playing in Glendale, or the equally-twice bankrupt Ottawa Senators operating in the middle of nowhere in Kanata...

Scent Of A Woman

There's weird, then there's just plain bizarre.

First, watch this hilarious video, then I'll explain the premise:


Le premier parfum à l'odeur de vagin : Vulva by Spi0n

So, their website claims:

VULVA Original is not a perfume but the real erotic scent of a woman.

 Which they put in a glass vial.

This long lasting scent will awaken the erotic fantasy that lay deep in your mind.

With a quick swipe of the roll-on applicator your fantasies will be indulged with not only the memories of an exotic, aroused woman, but also her musky vaginal scent. Only a small drop is needed to make it last for hours...

Smell like post-sex for hours, without having had sex. It's win-win, really, if you can't get anything else.

Or if you want ta make your woman uselessly jealous. Of ride on public transit pretending to be a womanizer in the hopes that other females might be attracted to ''the stench of your success''.

It's only $33 a vial, or 3-for-$85. If it does, indeed, carry actual ladies' juices, collected a drop at a time, then it's well worth it. They also offer a vial+panty pack ($91) if you want to heighten your level of pretend to pretentious new heights...

Lost Then Found: Police Need Your Help

Ontario Provincial Police need your help!

They feel there may be a link to the theft of garden gnomes in the past year to the 56 that were found at a water treatment plant in Parry Sound...

Small-town problems...

And yet:

As the investigation continues, police are seeking the public’s assistance to find the person(s) responsible. Anyone with information relating to these gnomes is asked to contact OPP at 1-888-310-1122.

These now-victimless crimes (assuming these are the stolen gnomes now found) are in need of some good ol' fashioned Justice. Hopefully there'll also be a telethon.

Party Like It's 1986

One man grew tired of his children rather than have human contacts and decided he'd punish his whole entourage for it - by reverting his family back to the year he and his girlfriend were born, 1986.

Gone are the iPhones, iPads, Blu-rays, cell phones, GPS devices, the internet...  back are the old Nintendo Entertainment System (and the original Super Mario Bros. game), encyclopedias, paper maps, playing outside...

Blair McMillan even lost his job for not having a cell phone and instead preferring one-on-one interactions. Though he probably would also have lost it when his client would have seen his fucking mullet and mustache.

In the name of all that is sacred, I do hope this one-year experiment doesn't go any further. Imagine his poor girlfriend, if they decide to continue living like this for, say, 5 more years, then splits up with him... imagine how lost she'll be in all the ever-evolving technology.

If a catastrophic event occurs and all technology is rendered useless, and everyone has to revert to hunting and gathering, then, fine, we're all on the same playing field. But purposely foregoing to accept the future in a feeble attempt to get in touch with your roots only works a little bit, and only in organized circles - like the Amish. Or the homeless. Past a certain point, it just becomes purposely holding up and restraining your loved ones' progress. It's kidnapping.

I kid, I kid...

Sarah Palin Vs Syria

Ever the genius (and craving media attention), Sarah Palin took to Facebook to voice her opinion about the U.S. possibly taking action in Syria, in a post called Let Allah Sort It Out:

“So we’re bombing Syria because Syria is bombing Syria? And I’m the idiot?”

 Well, Mrs Palin, if you put it that way, then, yes, you truly are.

Which doesn't mean I support a military intervention. At the most, I think the capitol building in Damascus should be destroyed, as well as other key government decision-making places and perhaps a few army buildings. Take away their permanent locations so they have trouble orchestrating dangerous maneuvers against outsiders and mass quantities of their own people.

However, I am against an occupational invasion (as always), and even a single civilian death or the destruction of anyone's home is unacceptable. Let's not forget we're talking about one of the oldest continuously-inhabited cities in the world, home to 2.5 million people.

This particular revolution is (yet another) previously-unseen situation, two years in the making: in the wake of the Arab Spring, millions of Syrians took to the streets in 2011 to protest against the government, which not only stayed in power defying its citizens' will, but effectively ordered its troops to shoot at protesters with live ammunition, even going so far as to go door-to-door to find some and execute them.

What started as a peaceful protest turned into a Civil War in the Fall of 2011, when army defectors started a counter-army (Free Syrian Army) and enlisted volunteers to join their ranks.

In terms of a Revolution, this one was ''going by the book''; ideally, you want to skip the armed conflict, but humans are prone to violence, and not everyone can achieve a ''peace process'' without resorting to guns - for every Slovakia there are dozens of Chechnyas. Even the Chinese went to war to unite; the United States revolted against the British to form several states, then went to war with each other to unite (and eliminate slavery).

But this one took so long to bear its fruits that the inevitable (for the region) happened: ''terrorists'' started helping revolutionaries. So instead of remaining a battle between ''good and evil'', it's ''the enemy of my enemy is my friend''. And while the world watches in horror as the State uses deadlier weapons against its own people every time, pressure is mounting on the U.S. to intervene, as the world's largest military structure.

Except the U.S. has already invaded two countries - one in a disproportionate retaliation, the other without a valid reason other than to depose its leader and take over their economy - in the past decade or so, now have a President who has vowed to not repeat his predecessor's mistakes, and - more importantly - would now be working hand-in-hand with some of their enemies to defeat Bashar al-Assad.

Which puts Barack Obama in a hard place.

Already labeled weak by his opponents, he is now forced to play into the Republicans' hand, who win on all sides: if he forgoes intervention, he's ''soft on terror''; if he decides to act, he's reneging on his promises - and going opposite his Nobel Peace prize - and ''working with the terrorists''. Which is likely just what some forces in the Middle East wanted to test him on. The United States remain the military equivalent of boxing's heavyweight champion - to get him on his knees even by means of an illegal blow is a feat worth bragging about, and to have him withdraw from combat even more so.

What's funny about Sarah Palin is she was probably explained all of this but didn't understand a thing, other than the conclusion: ''you mean to say I can still say the exact opposite of what Obama says, and this time I'd even be right? Bring me a laptop!''

Ironically, one of Obama's most ardent allies on this issue now is John McCain, the man responsible for giving Palin her platform. After toying with the idea of not supporting Obama on this matter, he had this to say this morning:

A rejection of this resolution would be catastrophic, not just for him but for the institution of the presidency and the credibility of the United States.

Ever the politician, he realizes image counts for a lot, particularly when it comes to pretending to have the means to take over the world.

Which is also the reason why everyone else on the planet is against a strike.

It's Summer In Saiyan

Toledo police have released this surveillance footage, probably because no one was able to catch this crazy woman's licence plate:



It started innocently enough: she really wanted Chicken McNuggets. Really. Intensely. As if her life depended on it, I guess.

Then she blew a gasket and went apeshit. And, to a certain extent, that's cool too. I mean everyone loves Falling Down, perhaps Michael Douglas' good best film. It's when she turns into the Hulk that it goes overboard. Well, when she realizes she can't turn into the Hulk - or as she calls it super saiyan, so when she realizes, perhaps for the first time in her life, that she is not a Dragon Ball character - then she has to throw something to break the teller's window. Good thing she didn't have a gun.

I do not miss working in Customer Service.

Teemu Selanne's Announcement

Arguable the best Finnish hockey player of all time (certainly the most durable), Teemu Selanne had an announcement to make, and he did so by acting in, writing and direcing this funny short:



He may not be the best golfer around (though he claims to have been ''acting bad'' when he's actually pretty good), but he sure has more skills than whoever was involved in making the fifth Die Hard movie... I hope Hollywood's taking notes...