Habs Preview: Christian Dvorak: Two Autographed Cards

(team and product links go to sponsored Amazon products, player links go to related pages on my blog, news links go to source pages)

This will likely be the preface to all of this year's Season Preview posts: I liked doing last year's format, so I'll be doing it the same way this season as well, partly because of that but also because as a father of a toddler and a baby, I just do not have enough time to write two separate posts per day on each blog. I'll copy these on each one instead. Like last year, the entire scope of the analysis will take place here and the player will have some sort of direct connection to what's written.

Caveats: At this point, despite training camp being set to start, several players haven't found a team yet, many RFAs haven't signed with their respective teams, and a few clubs are currently above the salary cap, which means there is much maneuvering left to do.

Key exits: Jesperi Kotkaniemi (C), Phillip Danault (C), Corey Perry (RW), Jordan Weal (C), Cale Fleury (D), Jon Merrill (D), Tomas Tatar (LW), Eric Staal (C), Erik Gustafsson (D)

Key Arrivals: David Savard (D), Cédric Paquette (LW), Mathieu Perreault (C/LW), Jean-Sébastien Dea (C), Mike Hoffman (LW), Chris Wideman (D), Sami Niku (D), Samuel Montembeault (G)

Top prospects: Cole Caufield (RW), Cayden Primeau (G), Kaiden Guhle (D), Mattias Norlinder (D), Jordan Harris (D), Jan Mysak (LW), Ryan Poehling (C), Oliver Kapanen (C), Luke Tuch (LW), Logan Mailloux (D), Gianni Fairbrother (D), Rafaël Harvey-Pinard (LW), Joël Teasdale (LW)

I don't buy that the Montréal Canadiens played in the weakest division last year, because they didn't: the West had the three California teams, which were essentially 30 free wins for the Vegas Golden Knights, while the Habs had to contend with Connor McDavid, Auston Matthews, Leon Draisaitl, Jacob Markstrom, Thatcher Demko and Connor Hellebuyck in any given game while the rest of the league faced much easier matchups down the middle and in net.

What makes their odds look good:
The team gained a lot of experience during last season's playoff run to the Stanley Cup Final, and many of the returning faces up front (Nick Suzuki, Tyler Toffoli, Caufield, Josh Anderson, Joel Armia) have room to grow their game, the leadership rock remains stable with Brendan Gallagher despite Shea Weber's probable absence, and the defense is a brick wall only the Tampa Bay Lightning can pierce... year after year.

Question marks: Will Weber's health force him to retire? Which is the real Carey Price: the regular-season bottom-dweller of the past four seasons, or the quality playoff starter from last year's run? Will the team actually keep Jonathan Drouin, or is he off to clear his mind with former teammates in Colorado, or adding to a top-six in Edmonton?

Outlook:
The Atlantic is stacked. The Bolts remain the gold standard, the Florida Panthers finally delivered on par with their talent, the Toronto Maple Leafs can outscore their uncertainty between the pipes, the Ottawa Senators are on the rise, and the Boston Bruins, although older and stating to see core pieces retire, can still hold their own; the Detroit Red Wings and Buffalo Sabres don't matter in the playoff conversation, but finishing ahead of the fifth-place team in the Metropolitan does, as the team with the most points in slots 7 and 8 in the Conference make it to the dance, so the Bs, Sens and Habs may cancel each other out in the end.

Prediction:
Tied for 4th in the Atlantic Division, outside the playoff picture.

Going by comments on social media, Montréal fans do not seem to have a fucking clue how important Danault was to this team. His line with Tatar and Gallagher was the most potent for goals and shot differentials at five-on-five for the past three years combined, and in any given year also held their ground and were top-three, matching favourably with the likes of McDavid/Draisaitl/whoever, Brad Marchand/Patrice Bergeron/David Pastrnak and Gabriel Landeskog/Nathan MacKinnon/Mikko Rantanen. Even when they didn't score, their 60-point pace mixed with defensive acumen made them a better a more effective unit than any other unit in the league, including those with multiple 100-point players. In last year's playoffs, Danault even took most draws when his line wasn't on the ice.

Acquired in a trade with the Arizona Coyotes, Christian Dvorak is a 25-year-old centre who wins faceoffs, scores 15-20 goals a year and collects some 45-60 points (pro-rated) at $4.45M per, for four more seasons. He covers 80% of what Danault brought, with added net-front presence in the offensive zone and is the epitome of "cost certainty", which is nice to have under a salary cap. He cost more (a first-rounder and a second-rounder) than the Habs received for Kotkaniemi (a first and a third), who could hit the 50-point mark this season and be a very good player five years from now - although that is no certainty, especially to those who saw him fall to the ice five times per game for the past three years. Like Price and Alex Galchenyuk before him, "KK" was rushed to the Big Show way too soon for his own good.

The Canadiens' centre depth took a big hit this summer, and I'm afraid Dvorak has big shoes to fill, although casual fans might not realize just how clownesque they really are - it's a good thing McDavid and Draisaitl are in the Pacific Division this year. Dvorak has evolved nicely from the 2016 World Juniors' bronze-winning Team USA squad as a much more complete 200-foot player, but he is not the player who accumulated five more points than Mitch Marner (121 to 116) when both were teammates in their final year of Juniors playing for the OHL's London Knights.

This is what he looked like in recent years, wearing the Coyotes' purple and black (home) uniform on card #156 from Upper Deck's 2019-20 Series 1 set:

And here he is wearing their correspondig white (away) uniform, on card #144 from the 2018-19 O-Pee-Chee collection by UD:

He signed them in (fading) black sharpie before Covid-19 hit.

NHL Preview 2019-20: Montréal Canadiens

(This year again, I will twin-post with my Collectibles Blog and write about a player who is related to my Preview post here. Today, it's Montréal Canadiens young forward Artturi Lehkonen).

GM: Marc Bergevin (since 2012). 6.5/10
Coach: Claude Julien (second stint, since 2017). 6.5/10

2018-19 record: 44-30-8, 96 points (4th in Atlantic Division, 9th in Eastern Conference).
Playoffs: Did not qualify

Departures: Andrew Shaw (RW), Jordie Benn (D), Antti Niemi (G) Nicolas Deslauriers (LW).

Arrivals: Ben Chiarot (D), Nick Cousins (C), Keith Kincaid (G).

Top forwards: Brendan Gallagher (60-65 points), Jonathan Drouin (55-65 points), Max Domi (55-65 points), Phillip Danault (50-55 points), Tomas Tatar (50-55 points), Artturi Lehkonen (25-35 points), Paul Byron (35-45 points), Jesperi Kotkaniemi (25-40 points), Joel Armia (20-30 points).

Must-improve forwards: Drouin tied a career-high with 53 points, a  mark that is made even more astonishing considering he registered only a handful of points in the final 20 games of the season. I say "astonishing" because that seems like current market value at $5.5M on the cap, but also because a lot more was expected of the third-overall pick in 2013, the player many thought was the one feeding teammate Nathan MacKinnon the quality passes he needed to score. At this point, Drouin should have been a 60-65-point player. He's not that far off, and he was certainly on pace to achieve that last year for two-thirds of the season, but his creativity is not something head coach Julien promotes, so unless he actually does get his name on the score sheet every game, he'd better be "good without the puck" and ready to grind it out on a fourth line, because his career is in stasis unless he gets a fresh start.

Top defensemen: Shea Weber (30 points), Jeff Petry (30-35 points), Mike Reilly (30 points), Brett Kulak (10-15 points), Ben Chiarot (20 points), Victor Mete (15-25 points).

Goalies: Carey Price (84/100), Charlie Lindgren (79), Antti Niemi (75/100).

Top rookies: Noah Juulsen (22 years old, D, 2015 first-round draft pick, concussion issues), Cayden Primeau (20, G), Cale Fleury (20, D), Nick Suzuki (20, C, first-round pick in 2017), Ryan Poehling (20, C, first-round pick in 2017), Joël Teasdale (20, C), Jake Evans (23, C).

Analysis:
We touched upon the Drouin situation earlier. Other players on tight leashes include depth defenseman Xavier Ouellet, would-be middle-six winger Charles Hudon, and grizzled veteran Alex Belzile. All three are francophones, so expect them to play for the AHL's Laval Rocket for most of the season.

Also, we're entering Year 13 of the "The Cup Comes Through Price Or Not At All" era, and - you guessed it - it won't be for this year either. Mr. "14% of the team's cap hit" is clearly on a down slope after his lone excellent post-heavy season from 2014-15, and Primeau will take over his job in the next three years.

Will it be as close as last year, missing the playoffs by just a coupel of points? Probably. But it's a "no" all the same.

Prediction: 5th in the Atlantic Division, 18th in the NHL.

NHL Preview 2018-19: Montréal Canadiens

GM: Marc Bergevin (since 2012). 5/10
Coach: Claude Julien (second stint, since 2017). 7.5/10

2017-18 record: 29-40-13, 71 points, 28th overall, out of playoffs.

Departures: Max Pacioretty (RW), Alex Galchenyuk (C), Daniel Carr (LW).

Arrivals: Max Domi (LW), Michael Chaput (C), Xavier Ouellet (D) Joel Armia (RW), Kenny Agostino (RW), Matthew Peca (C), Tomas Plekanec (C), Tomas Tatar (LW).

Top forwards: Jonathan Drouin (55-65 points), Domi (45-55 points), Phillip Danault (35-45 points), Brendan Gallagher (50-55 points), Tatar (40-50 points), Artturi Lehkonen (20-30 points), Tomas Plekanec (20-30 points), Nicolas Deslauriers (20-30 points), Andrew Shaw (30 points), Paul Byron (35-45 points), Charles Hudon (30-40 points).

Must-improve forwards: Domi was acquired in exchange for Galchenyuk, a third-overall draft pick who still leads his draft class in points to this day and has a 30-goal season under his belt. Domi? Two straight 9-goal seasons in Arizona. He needs to find his inner Brad Marchand and add some goal-scoring to his game, to go with the dumb penalties and suspensions.

Top defensemen: Shea Weber (30 points), Jeff Petry (30-35 points), Mike Reilly (30 points), Karl Alzner (10-15 points), Noah Juulsen (20 points), Victor Mete (10-20 points).

Goalies: Carey Price (84/100), Charlie Lindgren (79), Antti Niemi (75/100).

Top rookies: Juulsen (21 years old, D, 2015 first-round draft pick), Charlie Lindgren (24, G), Jesperi Kotkaniemi (18, C, third-overall pick in 2018), Nick Suzuki (19, C, first-round pick in 2017), Ryan Poehling (19, C, first-round pick in 2017), Jake Evans (22, C, 2014 draft pick).

Analysis:
So, there's that Domi thing. That's three summers in a row where Bergevin trades away his actual best player for an admittedly below-value asset. But then there's the Pacioretty-for-Tatar/Suzuki/second-rounder - and that's just amazing value for a leader who can't lead and a scorer who can't score, let alone when they're the same guy.

Tatar's not the second coming of The Rocket, but if the Habs had had him on their second line two years ago, with that dependable two-way play and assured 20-25 goals, it may have prolonged Plekanec's career as a middle-six forward in the NHL by a couple of seasons.

Of course, Montréal's biggest problem isn't the fact that their lack of offensive depth has them having to focus on winning 2-1 games; it's the fact that past Weber, Petry, and Mete, they will have to rely on a youngster like Juulsen to make the roster and hope Reilly reaching age 25 will have him become a full-time NHLer, because we saw last season that Alzner cannot play in Julien's system and Jordie Benn and David Schlemko need to be #8 Ds in the NHL, or else your team's in trouble; Benn and Schlemko played upwards of 18 minutes per game last year and Alzner over 20, with Benn suiting up in 77 games and Alzner playing in all 82. And that's saying nothing of the wear-and-tear on Weber's 33-year-old body, or his contract, which runs until the end of time.

Speaking of which, behind that rag-tag group of glorified AHLers stands (kneels?) a guy who will take up over 1/8th of the team's salary cap for the next eight years by himself, the oft-injured, buckling-under-pressure, one-season wonder and perennial All-Star Price, he of the 3.11 GAA and .900 save percentage last season, far behind Niemi's 2.46/.929 and Lindgren's 3.03/.908. Price had a single shutout in 49 games last year; Niemi had one in 19, and Lindgren had two, in 14 games.

There's worse, though, because the shit-show known as the Ottawa Senators exists.

The future is bright for the Canadiens. Mete, Juulsen, and Reilly on the back end could be mainstays for at least half a decade, maybe more; Drouin's still pretty young, Domi could become a fine middle-six winger, Kotkaniemi and Poehling could become a very good one-two punch at center, Hudon's always there to take a spot on a second line at least temporarily, Danault is still just 25 and able to fill an offensive role in case of an injury and young guys like Nikita Scherbak, Lehkonen, Deslauriers and Michael McCarron may develop well under Joel Bouchard in the AHL to fill valuable roles in Montréal.

But that's all at least a couple of years away, and it will require at least an upgrade on defense and between the pipes.

Prediction: 7th in the Atlantic Division, out of the playoff picture, but ahead of the Sens.

How To Troll Bostonians

Like Daniel Brière and Brendan Gallagher before him, Montréal Canadiens sharp-shooter Max Pacioretty was asked to create a burger that would bear his name for the season.

Except he went and presented it to Boston Bruins fans, the Habs' natural and longest-standing rivals:

Top 10s This Week

Top 10 Songs:

10. FERAL LOVE, Chelsea Wolfe (2014)
9. HIGGS BOSON BLUES, Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds (2013)
8. SHARP, Red Mass (2014)
7. BIG SHOT, The Pack A.D. (2013)
6. WE EXIST, Arcade Fire (2014)
5. RIGHT TIME, Nikki Lane (2014)
4. INSTANT CRUSH, Daft Punk (feat. Julian Casablancas) (2013)
3. STRAIGHT OUT OF THE GATES, Tech N9ne (feat. Serj Tankian) (2013)
2. SWEATPANTS, Childish Gambino (feat. Problem) (2014)
1. SMOOTH SAILING, Queens Of The Stone Age (2014)

Top 10 Montréal Canadiens Captains:

10. SAKU KOIVU (1999-2009)
9. NEWSY LALONDE (1910-1922*)
8. HECTOR 'TOE' BLAKE (1940-1948)
7. SYLVIO MANTHA (1926-1936*)
6. GUY CARBONNEAU (1989-1994)
5. HENRI RICHARD (1971-1975)
4. MAURICE 'ROCKET' RICHARD (1956-1960)
3. ÉMILE 'BUTCH' BOUCHARD (1948-1956)
2. BOB GAINEY (1981-1989)
1. JEAN BÉLIVEAU (1961-1971)

* not consecutively captain for all those years

Honorable mentions: Serge Savard (1979-1981), Doug Harvey (1960-1961) and Jack Laviolette (1909-1912*).

 In the same way that I didn't let Bob Gainey's term as GM hinder on his tremendous captaincy, I didn't let Toe Blake's stint as perhaps the greatest NHL coach of all time push him through the top-5.

Guy Carbonneau remains perhaps the greatest defensive centerman and face-off specialist the NHL has ever known, and as captain, was the only opponent to ever shut down Wayne Gretzky in a Stanley Cup Final. And while Serge Savard and Doug Harvey stand as two of perhaps the 5 greatest defensemen the NHL has ever known, their short stints as captains didn't define their respective careers.

The Richard brothers were a no-brainer, as was putting Jean Béliveau first, and Butch Bouchard makes his way into the top-3 because he was, after all, the one who made the Rocket who he became, by convincing him of following his conscience and showing him how to behave at the NHL level with the hard head he had.

Saku Koivu could have passed Newsy Lalonde, but having not won Stanley Cups in Montréal is a deterrent, though he was often the only player of his caliber on the team, so he was in no way to blame.

And Sylvio Mantha deserves to be on this list, although he rarely makes these, because he played so long ago; however, as a kid from NDG, I am well-versed in the historic nature of what my neighbourhood represents to hockey history.

Smells Like Spring In Montréal

Students are back protesting against a tuition hike the current provincial government was elected to not let happen, and cops are back at charging them with useless, mindless violence.

The Montréal Canadiens are back at the top of the NHL standings...

I guess things are back to normal.

Goalies Are Weird

I was about to write a post saying how I kind of disagreed with this The Gazette article in which Montréal Canadiens goaltending coach Pierre Groulx ''admits'' that ''goalies are weird'', when I came across this video of disgrunteled Austin Krause scoring in his own net then leaving the ice flipping the bird, costing his team the victory, in a Minensota high school game:



The reason? He was angry at his lack of playing time. Needless to say, it went from slim to none, after that prank. Goalies are weird. Fine.

P.K. Subban And The Weather

Everyone in Montréal - except for hockey journalists - loves P.K. Subban (he's already one of my favourite Habs, along with Tomas Plekanec and Andrei Markov). The camera love him even more - and he loves it back.

A recent example of this was last Tuesday, when he presented the weather for CTV News:

Kinda Live Blogging The News

Things are surely happening in My City these days, what with daily (and nightly!) student protests, three full levels of corrupt government (municipal, provincial and federal), the Canadiens not making the playoffs and going through a major overhaul, the soccer team (Impact) selling out the Olympic Stadium (60,000 fans - twice!), the F1 Grand Prix, the festival season nearly upon us, and most infrastructures crumbling of getting destroyed...

And things are also chaotic in my life, as I left my former apartment (of 3+ years), a two-floor dwelling that was getting too expensive on my own after a collection of unreliable roommates, a bunch of people kicked out of my life (and a few who almost went that way as well), underpaid-and-underworked job, music contracts drying up, practically dry sex life, a pending bankruptcy...

Now, with the flash storms (and flash floods that come with them...) happened to hit my new place, that I moved into a month ago...

Here's a look from the window:




Here's a look at just how much water made it in each time a car passed on the street:




And how high the water level was compared to the door (at this point, the foyer and basement were already flooded, so it couldn't get worse):



How was your night?

History Repeats Itself Again

That moment where you just wiped your ass, you fold the toilet paper for a second swipe, but it bursts, and you end up re-pasting yourself with hot, stinking peanut butter...

And the sense of déjà-vu it instills in your soul because it wasn't the first time it's happened...

I have no idea if that has anything to do with this, but in the off chance that it may... here is an article from the L.A. Times regarding the firing of GM Pierre Gauthier. From the Anaheim Mighty Ducks, in 2002, but the facts remain so strikingly similar to the current Montréal Canadiens administration, it's uncanny.

My favourite part:

Gauthier made absolutely no impact on Orange County hockey fans in his four-year tenure. He was not part of the community in any noticeable way. He was anonymous. He tended to make statements that weren't true, in the sense that soon after he'd said something wouldn't happen, it happened.

For instance, Gauthier said he wouldn't think about firing his coach. Then a month later, Craig Hartsburg was fired. He also said he'd never consider trading the team's two superstars, Paul Kariya and Teemu Selanne. Then, a month or so later, Selanne was traded and the die-hards of the dwindling Duck fan base became rightly nervous about Kariya's future in Anaheim.

This season alone, Gauthier fired two coaches (one assistant, one head) and traded superstar sniper Michael Cammalleri. To go with his 5 other shitty trades...

Classy And Knowledgeable Hockey Fans

Sometimes I think Montréal hockey fans are fucking awful, especially when they boo former players or the other team's star players...

But at times, they still blow my mind with their generosity and faithfulness. I recall a game against the Anaheim Ducks when the crowd cheered former captain Saku Koivu on. And last Tuesday, upon Jaroslav Halak's return to the city that still views him as the last playoff hero it's had, he was given a chilling standing ovation after shutting out the home team 3-0:

Violence In Hockey, Chapter 176

A month ago, I wrote a post on violence in hockey. Since then, there was the Max Pacioretty incident, where Boston Bruins defender Zdeno Chara got suspended for a grand total of zero games for attempting to sever the head off the young Habs forward using a pole.

Some of my favourite reactions come from people such as Washington Capitals coach Bruce Boudreau, who said:

You don't like it, don't come to the games.

Which would make sense in a normal, capitalistic society. But the NHL is not that. At all. As a matter of fact, if for just one game, out of protest, the Bell Centre would only be half-full, the victims wouldn't be the Montréal Canadiens, one of the league's richest franchises; no, it'd be more likely to be Boudreau's Caps, who get about a third of the money they put on their payroll from Canadian NHL treams through revenue sharing, because the 6 Canadian teams make double what the rest of the league makes in revenue - despite two of the top-5 moneymakers being American - the New York Rangers and Detroit Red Wings, of course.

So... biting the hand that feeds, Brucie?

And Now, Sports...

The New York Yankees are trailing their series 3-1. I never thought that would happen. Of course, of late, it happens more and more, but each time I fail to believe it. They're awesome, they always make the playoffs, year in and year out. Their ''making the post-season'' record for the past 20 years is the best in baseball, it's incredible. But we mostly remember when they fail now, which is unfair.

Speaking of unfair, Louis Jean, of Sportsnet, is using Scott Gomez' salary to put him down and call him ''disappointing so far'', 5 games into the season. 5 games into an 82-game season, plus playoffs. But we all know Gomez isn't likely to put more than 60 points up on the board: it's his usual number, one he's reached or flirted with 8 times in his 9-season NHL career. To expect more is unfair. Sure, he has the statistics of a 4.5-million dollar man and is paid 7.3 - take the $3M difference as the price to pay for a two-time Stanley Cup winner, a Calder trophy winner, a responsible 2-way center, someone who stands up when the stakes are risen (say, the playoffs), and a bonus paid to have him on your team rather than the team you're competing against every night.

To expect more, statistically, than his usual 60 points amounts to, as I wrote in this post about Jason Spezza:

You can't get milk out of a stallion, and chances are you'll be disappointed if you try. And you'll end up with something else altogether.

Funny how in Ottawa, they have a 90-point guy and want him to play better defensively, like Scott Gomez, yet in Montréal, we have Gomez, and some people expect Spezza-like statistics from him. These guys have made it to be among the best at what they do in the best league in the world for their sport - and it's never enough.

Then again, that column was written by Louis Jean - the most over-rated, under-qualified reporter at Sportsnet. He's only on the Habs beat because he can speak and understand Québec French.

Goodbye, Jaro, Thanks For The Memories

Well, they've gone and done it. The Montréal Canadiens have traded Jaroslav Halak to the St. Louis Blues, for prospects Lars Eller and Ian Schultz. Eller played all of seven games in the NHL last year, Schultz played the whole season in junior with the WHL's Calgary Hitmen even though he's 20 years old, so scoring and skating may not be his strongest suits.

Let's not forget that, in addition to this season's long playoff run, Halak has been responsible for taking the team to the playoffs (and, in one instance, one point from) in 3 of the past 4 seasons.

He has been an example to follow both on and off the ice, never publicly complaining despite never getting the respect he deserved (the Rodney Dangerfield of goaltending, as it were), always working like a rabid horse in practice, taking hits for the team. He was aware of the team's history (he had Patrick Roy lifting the Cup painted on his first mask, for God's sake!) and even played his junior hockey in the province of Québec (well, Lewiston, Maine - but you don't choose which team drafts your rights!).

He was the underdog we all love(d), and made it to the top. He single-handedly defeated the Russian team at the Olympics, a defeat that hurt the best team in the tournament so much that they never recovered and were eliminated by Canada just a few days later. When the Habs were eliminated in this year's playoffs, he was so far ahead of everyone else to contend for the Conn Smythe trophy that speculation for the winner once the Hawks won Game 6 even included the Flyers' third-line center Claude Giroux as a candidate.

This stings more than a little. Of course, it's not as frustrating for a fan as the Roy trade to Colorado, nor the Guy Carbonneau trade, but it's probably the most painful one of the past decade.

In tribute, I offer these two links from my Collectibles blog, one from September 2009 featuring an AHL card of Halak's, and one from last March, featuring two cards and a postcard.

It's funny, 'cause I was under the impression that teams wanted to keep quiet, hard-working guys in their mid-20s who get the job done and love your team and town, like Halak, Tomas Plekanec, Andrei Markov and Mathieu Darche. Now one's gone, one's set to test free agency in two weeks, one is rumoured to be trade bait, and the last guy probably won't get re-signed and will go to Tampa instead, to play for his friend and new head coach Guy Boucher.

I Think I Need A Drink

I dunno, man - I haven't had money in something like three months, been restraining myself in that timespan.

I feel like going out, partying.

Then again, the playoffs start again tomorrow night - Habs versus Flyers - that can be reason to leave the house and celebrate.

It doesn't happen a lot, but I'd kinf of almost want to end up like this:

Boo-Hoo: How Cry-Babies Are Making A Huge Fuss About Something That Shouldn't Even Exist In The First Place

It's playoff season in the NHL, and that means ''more of the usual'':

1. The Montréal Canadiens are in them and the Toronto Maple Leafs are watching them on TV trying not to think of the number ''1967''
2. The San Jose Sharks will choke
3. The Cup will not come back home to Canada
4. Montréal fans will boo the Star-Spangled Banner, the opposition's best players, and their own team's players who aren't giving maximum effort
4A.Too many people will get their panties up in a bunch about booing the opposing team's national anthem and will call Montrealers ''classless''

Case in point, right here.

First of all, in the modern-day NHL, where games are played on two continents (the season starts in Europe nowadays, remember?) and has teams consisting of players from as many as 15 different countries, the singing of Canadian and American national anthems before a game is pretty retarded.

When more than half a team leaves for Europe in the summer, you can't make the point that they're playing for their adopted city as if it were representing a country; the best of them play for their own countries whenever they can, be it at the Olympics, the World Championships, the World Cup, friendly tournaments... all occasions where it makes sense to have national anthems, because countries are pitted against one another.

Current-day NHL? Not quite.

Now, assuming you still go ahead with singing them, one anthem is yours, the other is the enemy's. Except in the province of Québec, where it can be argued that both anthems are actually ''enemy'' anthems, but I digress. So one's ''good'', the other's ''evil''. Montréal is known accross the league as having the most intimidating home crowd, with Philadelphia being a close second. Why wouldn't they add a little bit of intimidation by showing their colours right from the start?


It's funny that during the past year, while the health care debate was raging in the U.S., all you'd hear from those opposing health care reform was how bad ''the Canadian system'' was, how we're nothing but a bunch of commies that have to wait in line and die of common colds, that we're half-civilized retards, that we're the cousin with no friends your mom forces you to bring along when you're playing with your friends...

Oh, but if we boo your national anthem, you start crying? Call us classless?

We define class.

We let you have our best doctors (they make up between 15 and 25% of your medical corps), we give you our entertainers (apart from rappers, they're now half of your charted music and our actors earn a third of your highest-grossing films).

We can drink beer without becoming ready-for-combat overweight apes, yet we don't mind when you cross the border to drink here legally at age 18 and behave like idiots. You won't see us piss in the middle of the street in NYC at 4AM, but you'll see Americans doing it here on Crescent Street.

Americans always piss on us, and all we do is a little harmless booing.

Boo-hoo. Boo you.

Rejoice, My Friends

I was a bit sad, maybe even borderline depressed when the Habs lost the game 6-5 last night, after holding a 4-1 lead to start the third period.

Then I remembered that there are other things, perhaps even more important things in life than sports, especially when other people are doing the playing for you.

And right away, I started my quest to feel better, looking for something that was mood-changing.

I found it, and I'm sharing it with you.

You're welcome.

Boobies and Kittens - watch more funny videos

Funny. Not.

I think Jaroslav Halak will have to change agents soon... Allan Walsh keeps sabotaging his client's season (and, perhaps, careeer) by tweeting bullshit.

First it was cute plays on words, like ''Halak it A LOT!'', then he attacked Carey Price's record saying Habs' management should play his client more... and now this...

And he dares call himself a professional? Fuck that. And I would actually WANT for Halak to sign for 6, even 10 years. Asshole.

Homoerotic Wednesdays

It's been a bizarre day, to say the least.

I woke up around 11AM, which isn't so bad since I was only working at noon. But the reason I was working at noon was because I had to finish by 7PM to help Alternate Lady Of The House move some boxes from her current apartment to what will be, in a week, her new home.

I have a glance at the news on Cyberpresse to find out that the Habs traded Kyle Chipchura to the Anaheim Ducks for a 4th-round draft pick - could have been better, could have been worse, but that's another slow player no longer on our team.

Upon opening my email (mainly to see if work has unexpected news for me to attend to before getting there), I get this:


That's right: Traci fucking Lords wants to follow me on Twitter. The real Traci Lords. One of my first boyhood crushes (alongside Samantha Fox, Claire Pimparé, Nathalie Simard, ahead of Demi Moore - who caught up on lost time in my teen years, though! - or Christina Applegate) - and a pioneer in self-advertising (as well as in underage porn, pseudo-techno music and other things).

Then I get ready and leave, and just as I'm locking my front door, I notice the light from my porch broken on the ground. This, after twice having people de-pot flowers and put them in our mailbox at night... and our next-door neighbour not being targeted that way... it kind of got me wondering if we'd done anything wrong lately...

Then I walked to the subway to realize it was warmer out than I had expected - a very welcome surprise - accompanied by the extra surprise of having the subway attendant refusing to let me purchase a ticket, then scooting outside for no apparent reason, leaving me to pass through without paying - which, again, suited me fine because I'm dead broke, as the bank froze my fucking account for no reason whatsoever.

The ride to work was uneventful, as I was reading Slash's autobiography and listening to my mp3 player - both very entertaining.

I get to work and know I'll have three employees at my disposal for tonight's shift, two that are doing well and one who needs coaching, but that I'd have to give everyone at least a few common pointers to look for even though two of them don't really need them... except that Brendan, the one who needs help, isn't there... so we can just have the shift as is and not be bothered to give out a long speech and teach - and that works for me, too, because I just realized that my voice is on the verge of disappearing.

I then made a call to the Alternate Lady Of The House only to find out she may not need my services after all, as her mother's there already, painting and bossing people around.

So it was a mid-karmaic day, with one good thing offset by a bad one, but never to the extreme of any one side... and Greg, my employee and sometime drummer is in a homoerotic mood, mostly joking about balls, cocks and asses in double-entendres.

As Ice Cube once said, and as I've quoted on here before:

All in all, I gotta say, it was a good day

Oh Yes: December Sucks

You know what? Maybe it's the Montréal bipolarity taking hold, but after a day of dirty fucking snow and sub-zero weather before December even got here, I have to say: scratch the previous post, this coming month will suck.

I always forget just how much I hate winter until it actually arrives.

I'm not your typical Montrealer who complains that it's too cold in winter and does a complete 180 and says it's too hot in the summer; I bask (and bake) in the 40-degree (115 for our American friends) humidity my island provides me with from June to August because I know how much I hate minus-40 degrees in February... but I forget the extent.

You know how sometimes something pisses you off so much you could hurt someone, or even yourself? Winter turns me into Stalin - that rage, times a million.

It's so cold you could kill AIDS, it's so slippery even hiking boots won't stop you from falling, it gets so messy that your wool socks get a brownish hue; add that to the metal of cars breaking, the asphalt in the streets decomposing by the chunks, snow so heavy it makes rooftops collapse and bridges break, and a hockey team that hasn't won a championship since 1993.

I'm 12 hours away from Day One and I'm already angry and depressed.

Fuck winter.