Today's Sign Of Our Civilization's Decadence

It has come to this. Millions of years of evolution, thousands of years of recorded human history, 400 years of white folks living in what is now called Canada, and now, in 2012...

I just can't believe it. I thought this was the pinnacle of 2000s-vomit-inducing-Canadiana...

But no...

Avril Lavigne and Nickleback's Chad Kroeger are engaged. To be married.

Think of the children - theirs!

It's the second time Lavigne marries one of her songwriters - watch out Linda Perry!

Kroeger was never married himself, but is still in divorce proceedings with his previous common-law partner who, it should be noted, for having the strength and courage to probably have had sex with him, deserves to get his private jet and Mexican holiday home in the split.

Not many people were aware - or even cared - that they were dating, so pictures like this one flew completely off the radar:

Fittingly, he's wearing a douchebag-style motif t-shirt and she looks like a nobody. Or Nicole Kidman's mouse-child.

I could go on for days, but I need my beauty sleep.

Video Of The Week: Metallica

Sure, I hate Metallica as much as is humanly possible, but there is no denying the so-called ''Black Album'' is an important piece of rock history, and of all the songs on it, The Unforgiven is probably its masterpiece.

Like Led Zeppelin's Stairway To Heaven - often hailed as the best song of all time - each of its parts fits the others perfectly, yet the song could still be perfect if you removed any of them but wouldn't benefit from anything being added to it. And just like Stairway, the solo is long but tasteful, melodic, and fits the song well.

But writing this good a song doesn't stop the Metallickers from being complete douchebags who would sue their own fans and mistreat their own band members (first see Dave Mustaine, then see Jason Newsted). And they not only made one sequel to this song, but also another. I mean, come on. For fuck's sake...

And I'm aware this track dates back to 1991, but it ranks among the immortals, so years don't matter. Plus, this is the rare extended (''theatrical'') version - the song actually starts at 5:16 if you want to skip the story:

Watch it here, because Metallica are such big assholes that they don't allow their videos to be embedded.

Douchebag Solidarity

Good to know people who look like they're straight out of Jersey Shore (or, in my town, guys from Laval who go out on Crescent Street) now admit who/what they are:

Double Standards In Our Home And Native Land

Toronto Argonauts offensive tackle - and offensive douchebag - Rob Murphy was fined by the CFL for comments he made on Twitter during the team's train ride to Montréal, such as :

"At train station ... Pumped to be smelling foreigners this early in the A.M. They smell less offensive this way....little known fact,"

and

"Ok...the novelty of riding on a train thru Ontario and "Frenchland" has worn out....get me off this damn thing!!!!"

Now... read the ''comments'' section of the link I posted...

So far, all are up in flames about his comments on ''foreigners'', none about ''Frenchland''. Like it's ok to hate on ''The French'', despite us being the country's fucking founders and it being one of the two official languages.

Oh, and we're getting pretty fucking tired of being called ''The French'', too, seeing as we're pretty much nothing like people from France, in the same way North American speakers of English are nothing like the Brits and aren't called ''The English''. The last time I went to Calgary or Detroit for tea is probably the more recent than the last time I wore a beret and striped shirt to mime all day, dine on frog legs and steal your girlfriend. Well, maybe not that last part, but it's hard to shake off everything that's in your DNA.

Funny. Not.

I think Jaroslav Halak will have to change agents soon... Allan Walsh keeps sabotaging his client's season (and, perhaps, careeer) by tweeting bullshit.

First it was cute plays on words, like ''Halak it A LOT!'', then he attacked Carey Price's record saying Habs' management should play his client more... and now this...

And he dares call himself a professional? Fuck that. And I would actually WANT for Halak to sign for 6, even 10 years. Asshole.

Chopping Their Own Fanbase

Despite having hot chicks model for them, the Iowa Chops of the AHL didn't make enough money at the gates - which led to their parent NHL team, the Anaheim Ducks, to terminate their agreement.

These things happen, they're always sad, but economics rule, don't they?

What sucks is the ownership of the Chops is looking to make it harder on season ticket holders to get their money back. Lucky for them, someone is looking out for their interests: Hockey Blog In Canada is on the case.

We need to pass the word until this situation gets resolved.