Friday, December 31, 2010

Sex Murder

Either people should ''get real'' and get a handle on their fantasies - or they should test people's IQ before selling them fucking guns. Or else, things like this will keep happening.

Happy New Year, stupidity is still alive and well among us.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Video Of The Week: The New Year

I thought the year coming to a close would be good for me, would bring joy and all. I just forgot to factor in everybody else I know and how depressed they're getting.

One is depressed and borderline suicidal, many don't have jobs and are starving, the Habs are sucking and playing boring hockey, daylight barely lasts 10 hours a day...

So here's a song by The New Year, called Seven Days And Seven Nights. Cry with me.

Better Know An Idiot: 'Frogger'-Man

When you feel humanity might be on the right track because nothing stupid has happened in over 5 hours... in comes South Carolina... ''Only in America'', as Don King would say.

A man tried to play real-life Frogger... and got hit by a vehicle. Darwin would have an erection right about now.

Useless World Records

I'll start by saying I disagree with the tone the newspaper took in reporting the ''story'':
A WOMAN who hopes to become the fattest woman in the world is now 30,000 calories closer to her 453.5kg (1000lb) goal with a festive feast that could have fed dozens of people.
First off, there are no reports of New Jersey supermarkets lacking food from this meal, nor are there any about Jersey stores shipping unsold food to needy children in either Newark or Africa.

She did not steal food from anyone. She just ate like a fucking pig. Actually, she ate a fucking pig - through two hams:
The single mother-of-two, from New Jersey in the US, tucked into two 11kg (25lb) turkeys, two maple-glazed hams, 6.8kg (15lbs) of potatoes - 4.5kg (10lbs) roast, 2.3kg (5lbs) mashed, five loaves of bread, 2.3kg of herb stuffing, three litres of gravy, three litres of cranberry dressing and an astonishing 9kg (20lbs) of vegetables.
The vegetables, I think, is over-doing it. Myself, for Christmas, I had two steaks with potatoes and two slices of bread, but opted out of my grandma's Brussels sprouts - it's all about balance. Either you're having a balanced meal, or you're having a meat infusion. You can't have it both ways.

Why did she do this? Her aim is to weigh 1000 pounds and become the heaviest woman on the planet; she's already the heaviest woman ever to give birth. Not satisfied with one Guinness record, the greedy bitch wants a second one.

That's the problem with kids these days, they don't know where to set their limits.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Homophobia In Sports

Yep, it still exists.

Here are some recent examples, courtesy of

Not exactly Festive, but it ain't Christmas yet.

I long for the day where it won't matter whether you're male, female, white, brown, want to fuck men or women, of whatever religion - as long as you're judged by the quality of work you do. Especially in sports.

Did I say religion? No, scratch that - fuck religion.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Video Of The Week: Men Without Hats

Sure, they can dance if they want to, they can leave their friends behind, 'cause their friends don't dance and if they don't dance, well, they're no friends of mine. And Pop Goes The World.

But as the 1980s were coming to a close, Men Without Hats were vying for something a little harsher in their sound, and they couldn't quite put their fingers on what, exactly, as technology hadn't reached the capabilities they needed: they wanted to move into more electronic territory, somewhere closer to Nine Inch Nails.

And when they realized couldn't, they instead reverted back into straightforward rock, at a time where boy-band pop was all the rage. They decided to swim against the mainstream. And in 1990, they released Sideways, whose title track is this week's Video of The Week. Listen to the riff: that's a full year before Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit, which supposedly ''killed pop'' and ''changed the world of music'' by putting the ''emphasis back on the artists as songwriters''.

Guess what?: to this day, Kurt Cobain is dead, neither of the remaining two band members own the rights to their songs, and Ivan, as the writer and publisher of Safety Dance and the rest of his material, gets paid every time his songs are used anywhere, and considering The Simpsons use them a lot and are in syndication all around the world, he gets pretty much $50 every time he breathes while Dave Grohl and Krist Novoselic don't even have the right to release the rest of Nirvana's unreleased songs and get that chapter of their life over with.

I call it ''karma''.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Video Of The Week: Neil Young

I tend to want to feel sappy around this time of year, but I also have mixed feelings about leaving my job, feelings of disappointment, relief, anger and disbelief, mostly.

On the bright side, I'll have more free time for a little while. Maybe time to find someone to grow old with, and listen to this song with near a fireplace, trying not to notice winter outside.

This is Neil Young circa 1993, going back to his folkier roots (see: Harvest, from 1973), just when all the grunge bands were idolizing him for his work with distortion - which, ironically, was never better than on this year's Le Noise. This... is Harvest Moon:

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Better Know A Hottie: Alizee Paradis

You're a star athlete in College, yet no one pays attention to your stats; instead, they focus on your looks and the ''outrageous'' things you do when you go out with your friends. They're surprised to find out how much alcohol your body can take, not knowing that genetics - like being born in Québec - is part of the recipe of your success.

College ends and you don't know what to do. You turn the way people look at you into a job - and you become a model.

That's exactly what Alizée Paradis did, and it's working fine for her so far.

Busted Coverage called her the sexiest NCAA female athlete of the decade, and she turned it into a photoshoot and runway model job.

Her blog posts are fun to read, too.

Hot Chicks In Batman Shirts

Yes, even hotties like The Bat. The real Batman, not Christian Bale.

Urgh, just writing his name gave me shivers, and probably cold sores, too.

In any event, check the blog here.

Monday, December 13, 2010

The Future Shop

For almost a week, I've been looking at Future Shop's website (Best Buy for my American friends) for a store to stock up on headphones that are on sale - I need some because I want to listen to my Ipod on my way to work and to warm my ears in winter.

Turns out this morning, the site said there was stock - at the downtown Montréal location. So I go, at 10AM - I really want those fucking things. I didn't put my second foot inside the store that I was already getting raped by four hyper-caffeinated apes dressed in read who insisted on helping me. I say ''I'm just looking, thanks'' to at least give them time to slip condoms on, and head for the headphones section.

The pair I'm looking for, of course, is nowhere to be found. That's when another over-perfumed greasy-haired Laval resident jumps on me and offers his help, and I tell him I'm looking for the yellow Sony headphones that are on sale on their website.

- Yellow? Sony? No, man, I don't have that...
- Not even in the back store?
- We don't have a back store, all we have is on the floor, that's how we operate.
- The website says you have it in stock.
- Yeah, that happens. It means it's somewhere in the store, but we may have misplaced it.
- And you don't know where they are?
- No, man, like I said, I've never even seen those.
- Then what the fuck is your use? What do you do, here, exactly? Once you land on someone's back and they accept to be helped by you, has it ever happened, just once, that you gave the customer what he needed? How does it work, your job?
- Well, sometimes it's right in front of their eyes and I get to show them, and I get commission.

Now I know where all the retards work. And shop.

If this is how we'll Shop, in the Future, I can make one prediction right now: capitalism is even more doomed than I thought.

Friday, December 10, 2010

That's A Shitty Hockey Goal, Joe!

Sure, the Washington Capitals' colour commentator Craig Laughlin probably thinks he said ''shinny''.

The important thing is: I don't.

An Omen, Motherfucker

It's a bad sign when the always-healthy cat vomits five times in a single morning while its ''I-eat-everything-and-always-get-sick'' lion-sized brethren looks on, puzzled.

It's not the sign of a bad day coming, however, since my day actually began yesterday morning and has been eventful - to say the least - since. And here I am Friday, twelve hours behind the deadline I had to hand in a piece of work, with my boss awaiting my email. The same boss who yesterday made threats (''either she leaves, or I do!''), quit his job over a co-worker, and un-quit it hours later, resulting in office drama that somehow ended up revolving around me, the guy with the longest tenure on the office, who has seen the most bosses come - and every single one of them go.

Except while I'm busy playing psychologist and counselor, a role my boss ironically insisted I play when he forced me to work from the office instead of from home, my job doesn't get done.

Now it's early too Friday morning, I haven't slept in over 24 hours, with one deadline dead and gone, the office Christmas party tonight - and me playing a show later in the evening somewhere else. And I'm also playing tomorrow.

So what's the omen? That my day job's going down - or that it'll affect my night-time job?

Funny thing is, I was told two weeks ago today was just about my last day at my day job...

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Jere Lehtinen Retires

After 14 and a half seasons in the Dallas Stars' organization, with one President's Trophy (regular-season championship), a Stanley Cup and three Selke trophies as the league's best defensive forward, Finnish two-way superstar Jere Lehtinen announced his retirement earlier today.

He is the only Finland native to have won both a Stanley Cup and a World Championship gold medal - take that, Jari Kurri and Teemu Selanne!

He is also a huge Slayer fan, as proven in the video below:

I wish him the best in his after-career. He was a true, honest, hard-working pleasure to watch for all this time.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Video Of The Week: Ramones

Inspired by my Facebook Status Battle Of The Bands (every day I ask my friends to vote between two music acts, a winner is declared and moves on to the next round), in which today's battle is: Ramones Vs Sex Pistols.

My choice is Ramones - and so far it's 9-0, a landslide I didn't quite expect, but one that makes an awful lot of sense when you compare the numbers: the Ramones came first, released 14 studio albums, 13 (!) compilation albums, and 6 live albums - to the Pistols' 1 studio album, 7 compilations (!!!) and 4 live albums.

Oh, and 2,263 shows in 20-some years with something like 4 different drummers, that's pretty impressive, as is having a Mötorhead song named after you. Oh, and dressing minimalistically as a statement, rather than being a pre-fabricated, glorified Boy Band.

But I also didn't want to ''just put a Ramones song'' here, I wanted something special, and I found it in their 1995 cover of the (1992) Tom Waits track I Don't Wanna Grow Up. Waits if perhaps my favourite songwriter out there, his songs touch me deeper than anything else, and he changes musical styles completely every 5 years or so, reinventing not just himself but his stories altogether. He is a huge Ramones fan - and they sent their love right back, like here:

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Where Do They Think We're Living In, California?

Jesus Christ. Three times in 24 hours the electricity's been cut out by the Hydro people, the last time, for 5 hours while they played around in the sewers. Long enough for the shit in my freezer to thaw, and now it's ''eat-or-throw-away''.

Three times in 24 hours, in minus-10 weather, at night. Long enough for the floors to turn icy cold; long enough for the three candles I had to die on me.

Three times re-setting all the digital clocks in the house, twice late for work - in my last week there. Very professional, eh?

It's one of those weeks, where you'd be better off staying in bed and jerking off than even trying to attempt to undertake anything.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Video Of The (Past) Week: Samwell

For this past week, I was browsing through YouTube looking for a fitting Video Of The Week, a song about something ending, dying - to commemorate my last week of work for a company I had been 9 years with. However, that workplace decided to screw me over one last time, and now this seems more fitting.

Here's the context: when I was hired in 2001, I was promised more money than at my then-place of employment, Createc +, pending I succeeded passing through a 3-month probation period. Which I did. Except when it came time, the person who'd hired me had been fired herself, and her replacement ''was not aware'' of our arrangement, and couldn't ''find my contract'' anywhere. Nine years went by and they're closing down my complete division, of which I am supervisor and field director. Low-level boss of sorts. And, just now, for the last two weeks of my time there, I finally get a raise that puts me even higher than what was initially promised. Except all my employees get a $300 severance cheque, and I get zilch. ''But you just got a raise'', they said, one that will give me a whopping $120 more than if I hadn't - meaning I'm still losing out on $180 compared to everyone else.

So they have fucked me for the last time. But fucked me they have, ''in the butt'', as Samwell would say.

Born and raised in South Carolina, Samwell graduated from university in North Carolina before moving to Chicago, IL. Marion Cotillard and Johnny Depp are fans, and he has performed an acoustic version of this song, What What (In The Butt), with Queens Of The Stone Age frontman Josh Homme on Tosh.0 - as well as a regular version on Lily Allen And Friends.

This is the #10 top-rated video of all time on YouTube, the sixth most favorited music video - 12th most favorited video period. The message is universal: LOVE, as in ''I used to LOVE working for my employer, until I'd had enough of them wanting to do it in my butt (in my butt)''.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

The WikiLeaks Cables' Fallout

Want to know how fucked up the ''War On Terror'' has made people? Look no farther than the recent WikiLeaks' revelations about messed-up diplomatic relations and how numb-tongued politicians actually talk to one another behind closed doors - and the unhealthy alliances and company they keep.

Sure, the White House says it could ''put peoples' lives in danger'', it's their job to say that. However, they said the same thing about the first three MegaLeaks (about the Afghan and Iraq wars, respectively), but as The McClatchy Company's (home of the Sacramento Bee) Nancy Youssef has said:
U.S. officials concede that they have no evidence to date that the documents led to anyone's death.
The problem doesn't lie with the White House, though, neither does it lie with the Russian government, who said it will study the leaked cables and use the material contained in it as they see fit.

No, the problem comes from the Reactionaries, usually right-wing, highly-Conservative politicians who seem to forget we live in an age both of high-speed mass media and fucking Laws.

Mike Huckabee, who could very well be the next President of the United States said, as he was signing copies of his new children's book (I kid you not, that's how fucked up this world is) Can't Wait Till Christmas:

Whoever in our government leaked that information is guilty of treason, and I think anything less than execution is too kind a penalty.
It's right here on Again: Anything LESS than execution is TOO KIND. Keep in mind most of the world no longer has the death penalty. The only ones who do are what Americans call ''those damn retarded Arab states'', ''the socialist anti-human-rights evil China'', and the good ol' U.S.A. So most of the planet doesn't see the death penalty as any less a crime than murder.

Speaking of which, Tom Flanagan, former advisor to Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper - the ideas behind the face, if you will - even left video evidence of his reaction, but I'll still quote it:
I think (WikiLeaks head honcho) Julian Assange should be assassinated ... I think (Barack) Obama should put out a contract and maybe use a drone or something ... I wouldn't feel unhappy if Assange disappeared.
Not only is it a crime pretty much everywhere on the planet to murder somebody, it's also one to conspire to murder. It's also still a crime to hire someone to murder someone else. Many people have been arrested for trying to hire hitmen to kill others. This ''political scientist'' (obviously not ''rocket scientist'') has publicly opinionated that another human should die, and specifically called out for a ''contract'' to be put on his head. Which, of course, is 1970s mob-talk for ''pay to kill''. Which, of course, is illegal in most countries.

But because we live in ''dangerous times'', because we have ''enemies'' everywhere, because everyone with a tan is dangerous (although I, for one, fear the douchebags from Jersey Shore more than Arabs), because every single secret is both important to discover and must not be read by others - suddenly, it's ok to rape people who want to board a plane to see their families for the Holidays, and it's surely fine to forgo the most basic fucking laws in the history of mankind (''Thou shalt not kill'', anyone?).

And preachers are praying for Obama's death. Two things/questions: 1. How fucked up are you? 2. Obama's still alive; A. where's your God now? B. Could you be on the wrong side of the argument?

Make peace, not war. And let's pray for Tom Flanagan's death.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Instant Karma (And We All Starve On)

Way to finish off the fucking month...

I'm at work, doing overtime, my tenth hour on the job, no breaks. So much so that my fucking lunch is still on the kitchenette table, and it's eleven PM. Cleaning guy from the building comes in, says ''hi'', empties the trash, leaves. I decide I've had enough of the crap I'm working on, will finish my sentence then eat a bit.

Except the food's gone. Fucking vanished.

Those cleaning guys aren't even allowed to move shit, they have to clean/wipe/swipe/mow/vacuum around it, this guy took the liberty to - out of his own good fucking will - lift a styrofoam container that has a sandwich, salad and garlic potatoes in it, 20 pounds of fucking food, the size of my fucking head - and throw it away.

To make matters worse, it's past eleven PM on a shitty rainy Tuesday - most grocery stores and restaurants are fucking closed, except the real fucking junk places. There's no way I'm replacing a healthy, fresh Lebanese-style chicken shawarma with McDonald's; it would be five crimes against humanity in one fucking sitting.

Worse still, because it always happens in fucking droves, I have to find time to sleep, go back and forth on public transit and make my way back here for 7 fucking AM tomorrow morning. That's if I don't waste time trying to find something I feel like eating, getting it delivered, and eating it.

Last day of November. Motherfucker. That's where ''Movember'' comes from.

Happy fuckin' Hanukkah.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Congratulations, Alouettes!

Here's a quick word to celebrate the Montréal Alouettes' second straight Grey Cup victory last night in Edmonton, in a very defensive game marred with errors and missed field goals by Als kicker Damon Duval.

With two championships and a lost Final in 3 seasons as head coach, Marc Trestman (pictured) will likely attract the attention of NFL heads, which would be well deserved. Should that happen, I hear Marc Santerre is looking for work... But if he stays... can you spell ''Dynasty''?

One sad note is that QB and leader Anthony Calvillo will have to undergo surgery to remove half his thyroid. Yet he played the whole game, and made the big play when it mattered.