Friday, December 30, 2011

Chew Through Pain

Apparently, getting a tattoo removed is so painful you need a mouthguard to chew on to deter from the pain. Well, Megan Fox does, anyway.

Then again, I suspect she also has to find a way to numb the pain of being married to Beverly Hills, 90210 alumni and ''DJ'' Brian Austin Green...

Bale Bat No More

News from late November: Christian Bale will no longer try to make us believe he can be convincing as a superhero, as he will don the Bat-cape for the last time in next summer's The Dark Knight Rises.

Don't get me wrong: the first two Bale-Christopher Nolan batflicks were very good, well written, well directed, decently acted, superbly filmed. But there is no way in fucking hell Bale, as Bruce Wayne, was credible as the world's best-looking billionaire playboy (Brad Pitt would probably have been a much better choice), and growling like an out-of-breath pedophile while crouching does not a scary avenger make.

Just sayin'.

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun And Fight

From one embarrassing football moment to another...

As the Lingerie Football League (oh yes, what started as a Super Bowl promo stunt has actually turned into a cash cow...) Philadelphia Passion (urgh) beat the Toronto Triumph (yes, like the Insult Comic Dog...) 74-0 playing by the rules, they also beat them outside the rules. Physically. As in: ''fight''.

Girls fighting in lingerie... and helmets. Lose the helmets, throw in a few pillows perhaps?

Sideline Peeing

I've been sitting on this for almost a month, a bit 'cause I've been busy, a bit 'cause I've been sick/injured, but mostly because shit came up and it got lost in the shuffle.

But the important thing is I'm finally talking about Nick Novak of the NFL's San Diego Chargers' sideline urination. And letting you watch, because you're perverts. Then again, there's no privacy in a 60,000-capacity stadium filled with TV cameras.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Video Of The Week: Soul Asylum

In the late-80s and early 90s (until 1993), one band was hailed as the best live band in America: Soul Asylum.

Their breakthrough album, Grave Dancers Union, spawned such hits as Runaway Train and Black Gold, but I've always favoured Somebody To Shove as its breakthrough track, because it rocks, sure, but also because the beginning-and-ending riff is just so memorable.

I'm also a sucker for shivering-like-a-heroin-addict lead singers - until 1993. When Alanis Morrissette got in on the trend, she killed it.

Dr. Seb's Tips For The Sexually Inclined

The thing with open relationships is both sides absolutely have to know what they're getting into - and be fine with it - because things will inevitably turn sour if they don't.

For starters, in a heterosexual relationship, the female will almost invariably end up being the one with the most opportunities to get laid; the guy has to be ready to not be able to go one-for-one on all fuckinghoodness. Any feelings of jealousy will fuck your shit up beyond repair.

Also, a trap many fall into - including one couple I follow through the internets - is that each spouse came up with a girlfriend or boyfriend of their own, thus each falling into another 'actual' relationship. This spells DANGER on so many fucking levels, because through time, feelings will emerge and the possibility of having deeper feelings for the newest person in your life instead of your life-long partner exists... and Murphy's Law will do its best to insert itself in your love triangle, one way or another. Hearts will break, whether they be in your preceding couple or the newer one. With 4 humans involved, one, two or three will end up dissatisfied - it's inevitable.

Not all humans can separate sex and emotions. For every couple that has stuck to its animalistic roots, a hundred have evolved into sedentary, building-a-home territory.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Video Of The Week: Obie Trice

Sure, Hip Hop as a medium, an art form, evolves almost daily - and this song dates back from 2003, lifetimes ago. But this Eminem protégé's biggest hit won't get out of my head - and it's been over a week. It's got to say something about Obie Trice's endearing humour...

But as he so eloquently puts it himself... ''ya gotta have teeth, baby... it just wouldn't look right... me, big lips, you no teeth... it wouldn't work''.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Lil' Kim Jong-Il

Because people are stupid. Because Google is too hard to use before tweeting.

In case you don't know what I'm referring to: thousands of fucking tweeters wrote R.I.P. Lil' Kim messages when North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il died.

My faith in mankind has now officially run out.

Cocaine Babies (Revisited)

It was already a fact that most currency (dollar bills, not so much small change) contains trace amounts of cocaine. Many studies confirm it, many times over.

Now, we learn that British public baby changing tables are also full of them, whether they be in malls, restaurants, hospitals, churches, even... police stations.

Ah, yes. Either the ''so close they won't see it'' theory, or the ''they're all corrupt'' point of view. Still, it sure takes a fucking cokehead to use a babies' changing table instead of the side of a sink, or a hooker's tits.

Best comment so far?
I cut off the middleman and snort it directly on the baby.

(In)coherent Thoughts

I don't make mistakes, I make bad decisions.

I can't live on regretting the past, dwelling on it... life is a line that's always moving forward. Whether you like it or not, want to or not, are on it or not. Its escalator never breaks down, though you might.

Actually, you likely will. People do, they break, they crack; sometimes they don't see the next day come to pass.

As a species, we've been on the planet for thousands of years. As individuals, it is unrealistic to even entertain the thought that the 30-100 years we'll be on the planet will affect anyone but our measely little selves. Think about it: every loss, every death, every heartbreak: all gotten over, over time - and days, weeks or years can go by without the mere thought of them entering your mind.

Sure, we should all enjoy our lives as much as we can. Just because it/we don't mean anything in the Grand Scheme of things doesn't mean we should suffer throughout our existence. But as long as we will feel the need to get close to other humans, pain will be felt.

But pain leads to drinking, and drinking leads to new acquaintances. Circle of Life, and all, and all's well that ends well. When it ends. Well...

Sunday, December 18, 2011

R.I.P. Vaclav Havel

Vaclav Havel was a poet, playwright, writer and cultural leader in Czechoslovakia; eventually, as a respected and known dissident, he became a political figure as the regime changed. He was the tenth and last President of Czecholslovakia, during which time Slovakia seceded from the Czech Republic - a move he thoroughly opposed - and became, de facto, the first President of the Czech Republic.

He is vastly considered the leader of the Velvet Revolution, which turned Czechoslovakia from a U.S.S.R.-led-and-owned one-party Stalinist state to a multi-party democracy without the use of physical or military violence.

He died today, at age 75, in his sleep. His health had been an issue since the days where he had been imprisoned by the Communist Party for his writings and ideas, which spoke of a Czech identity, freedom and liberty, and the right to independence.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Video Of The Week: Atari Teenage Riot

Atari Teenage Riot is one of the most important musical acts out there. Not only are they involved politically - in the case of this video, supporting Wikileaks and actually raising money for the site - but I once left my apartment at 6AM with their Burn Berlin Burn CD on repeat to annoy my downstairs neighbour who'd be incredibly loud until ungodly hours... and when I got back home, he was moving out.

A Christmas Miracle, if you will.

Monday, December 12, 2011

The Case For Medical Marijuana

I haven't gone through the whole thing yet, but The Montréal Gazette is offering a 17-part/story look on the good, the bad, and the hidden about medical marijuana.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

The Best Radio Interview Ever?

I'll make it simple. Quoted from Yahoo! Sports:
In Monday's What We Learned, Ryan Lambert ripped apart a column by John Steigerwald, columnist for Washington (Pa.) Observer-Reporter that attempted to link Alex Ovechkin of the Washington Capitals to steroids. Among the lapses in fact: Steigerwald connected Ovechkin to a doctor that "treated Tiger Woods" that actually has no connection to Ovechkin.
Listen to it here.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

This Is Either The Beginning Or The End Of A Beautiful Story

What do 11 years get you?

Probably more good times than you can count on one hand. Hopefully.

But also, inevitably, disappointment. Lies, deceit. Betrayal.

People. Most of whom disappear eventually.

In the immortal words of Andy Wood: ''Time spent laying by her side / And dreams like this must die''.

New beginnings must start with honesty. It's imperative that the foundations be solid, so that the structure built upon it may be stable. A chapter ends and a new one begins - hopefully.

Let's see who makes it to the sequel.

As of now, I have no friends who fit in the categories of ''friends since the 20th century'' and ''whom I have seen more than 20 times in the past 5 years''.

Time to start anew.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Video Of The (Past) Week: P!nk

It seems most of the popular songs these days are about drinking and partying... where is our youth headed?

William Burroughs and Charles Bukowski had it right: drinking isn't for partying, it's to drown your pain in tears and regretful sex with someone you wouldn't talk to in the daylight...

But among the party/drink songs, one stands a bit above the crop of fucking Ke$has and Rihannas - and that's P!nk, because her videos have humour, self-deprecation, and references to Pop Culture - it even starts with a tribute to a WWII poster, for crying out loud!

So, yeah. P!nk's my Video Of The Week:

As for me, winter's pretty much upon us, so, yeah, I'm drinking. To warm up.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Speaking Of Cheerleading...

It seems like just yesterday I was writing about cheerleaders, saying I considered them athletes and all. Wait, it was.

Well, athletes get injured, and one of them surely did:

She's ok, though, in stable condition. I wish her the best, both in her recovery and future endeavours.