Saturday, March 31, 2012

He's No Manning Fan

I've been sitting on this one for over a week, maybe two, but it's Spring Cleaning season in Seb's Blog Land, and I'm releasing this tidbit of ''news'' out there without going deeper in it: a Denver Broncos fan died and his obituary specified he wanted out before Peyton Manning signed with the team.

Friday, March 30, 2012

Me Gusta In Time For Augusta

The world-famous New York Post reports three of Tiger Woods' (former) mistresses who share the distinction of enjoying careers in porn will star together for what is believed to be the first time, in a ''tell-all'' and ''re-enact all'' film detailing how Tiger likes it best...

To be sure to be viewed as taking full advantage of the golf star's status in addition to milking this ''story'' for all it's worth, Devon James, Holly Sampson and Joslyn James will release the film on Day 2 of the Masters Tournament in Augusta.

With all the money in the world, Tiger couldn't buy hotter chicks who could keep their mouths shut?

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Video Of The Week: Chilliwack

They derive their name from a ''city'' east of Vancouver, which is never a sign of lasting success - although they still tour to this day, 45 years after first forming. Kind of. Because as ''Chilliwack'', they've been at it for 40, with an ever-changing roster of musicians.

But what doesn't change is that they're biggest hits are a thing of the past, 30 years removed from the present.

But they sound like a good time, a guilty pleasure more fun than, say, the keyboard-led likes of Duran Duran or Depeche Mode...

Cock-rock-lite at its best. Well, close enough, anyway.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Hoodie Gate

It's been a month since the awful death of Trayvon Martin and his killer, George Zimmerman, is still free. And armed. And possibly racist. And probably retarded.

Here are 26 facts about the story. And tons of links for additional information about it.

It's a situation that's so fucked up that even Will Smith tweeted about it:

And today, New York State Senator Eric Adams sported a hoodie in support for his family and the cause:

The hoodie thing - or Million Hoodie March - has only garnered stronger support after douchebag ''newscaster'' Geraldo Rivera made a bunch of ridiculous tweets and comments on Fox & Friends.

I wear hoodies every day, so I can't say I'm ''making a statement'' by wearing my usual attire... but if I didn't, I would right now.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Only In (Miss) America

You lose some, you win some.

As Aaron Rodgers was eliminated from the NFL playoff picture, he was asked out by Miss America herself, Laura Kaeppeler.

Less than three months later, they were at the same NBA game, where he looked like a dweeb:

 Coincidence? I hope not... Wouldn't want this lady to be sad:

Only In America!

Sure, magazines are telling people to stay skinny, not eat, induce vomiting and not have the strength to make it through the day. On the other hand, fast food is fast becoming the only kind of fucking food available to us, so the overweight factor will remain a staple of our everyday lives for a while.

Keeping that in mind, I introduce you to the Moby Dick:

Named after the famous whale (from a book, not based on a true story), this sandwich is comprised of:
• Five quarter-pound fish filets.
• Eight slices of cheese.
• Six ounces of clam strips.
• A third-pound of french fries (nod to Primanti Bros.?*)
• A cup of cole slaw.
• "Gobs" of lettuce, tomato, pickles and tartar sauce.
A fried-fucking-fish sandwich. With eight slices of fake, processed cheese. Unclear amounts of vegetables.

And what is it the Americans are upset about? Who can claim to have put fries in a sandwich first:
Stew reader @masirovitsm point out that Panini's in the greater Cleveland area makes sandwiches with fries on them as well. He prefers the local establishment to the one from Pittsburgh. "Cleveland, represent," he says.
Shit, Europeans have been putting fries in their merguez sandwiches for decades...

Sunday, March 25, 2012

It Depends How Fast The Wheels Are Turning

Fuck. Poor girl - the entire internet not thinks she's stupid, just because she over-thought this... and the guy's pretty dumb, too, 'cause when she figures out he thinks she's retarded and only bangs her for her looks, she'll probably flip out... if she doesn't have the internet surely one of her friends or a family member does... or that fat kid who's been crushing on her since high school...

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Much Ado About Déjà Vu

You've probably heard about the Tucson Safeway store clerk that censored this month's Elle because it featured a nude, pregnant Jessica Simpson imitating the classic Vanity Fair Demi Moore picture from 15 or 20 years ago:
... which Britney Spears also copied for her Harper's Bazaar spread:
But fucking puritans apparently got upset and complained. ''What about the children? What about the children?'' Where the fuck do children come from, anyway? Oh yeah - pregnant fucking chicks, who (probably) got naked to get that way. Teach your kids how shit really goes down, and maybe they'll grow up to be less ignorant than your holier-than-thou ass.

Here's the real cover, as it was intended to be seen by the whole planet:
I just realized... pregnant women are HUGE!

Friday, March 23, 2012

While I'm Into Music... Here's Jack White

Once again, Jack White has taken one of my ideas and gone mainstream with it. After reviving the blues spirit in rock, the two-piece band and the girl drummer (all with the same band while I did it with 3, he's good at condensing!)...

I've always said my biggest wish in music would be to front an all-girl band. Said it loud, said it proud. Tried to do it for one song in a studio with two different sets of members and it never panned out properly...

And he goes and does it on Saturday Night Live of all places...

While I'm Into Politics... Here's Music

I must admit this is perhaps the best musical performance I've seen in years.

I'm not a fan of Bruce Springsteen's. I usually find his ''band'' recordings to be muddy, murky, hard-to-differentiate-one-note-from-another, but in this Irish-style angst-ridden ditty that sounds like something Joe Strummer could have written for The Pogues - mixing the rage and immediacy of The Clash's  London Calling with the styling and grit of the Celtic band's Rum, Sodomy & The Lash - The Boss turns it up to 11 with the help of his E-Street Band and Tom Morello for Jimmy Fallon's show.

He's passionate, involved, brutally honest, and wrote a fucking amazing song. We're barely in March, and this is probably the song of the year for me, and this is the performance of the past 5 years.

Get Up, Stand Up

I wrote about protesting and demonstrating a short while back, and the loss of a Québec/Canadian spirit has been a pet peeve of mine for the past few Stephen Harper governments, at least. For some reason, despite what the surveys say - and one day, soon, I promise, I'll finish that text about my true feelings about market research in general - I was happy to see some blue flags at today's pro-student demonstration:

If all it takes is seeing one despot destroy 145 of history - well, he's destroying the last 50 and over-hyping the first 25 with his anti-French and pro-monarchy fixation, but you get the point - to open up the eyes of my fellow citizens of what was once known as New France, then it can't be all bad.

Then again, he's had a ton of help ''bring the free market into our daily lives'' from his provincial brother-in-arms Jean Charest, another non-majority leader who lives off dividing the opposition rather than servicing the population.

You may have heard Charest has planned to increase/unfreeze tuition fees, a means for getting more cash that has NEVER solved a budget crisis and always made higher education a means for the elite to remain amongst themselves. But honestly, that's barely the tip of the iceberg. As a people, we've evolved and are far removed from our French ancestors who used to chop off their leaders' heads when dissatisfied, but we're ready for our Maple Spring (works better in French, see below):

But we were 200,000 strong today, marching down the streets of downtown Montréal, telling all levels of government we weren't going to take their shit anymore. And we did it unmasked, so they can't say we're anarchist rioters, niche groups or anything but a Mass Movement. And like the Arab Spring last year, we'll be even more, even bigger if they keep wanting to shut us up. Because they can't.

They must be reminded that they're our mouthpieces, and if they won't do as we say, they can be replaced. We can't. Jail or kill us, and that's tax money coming out of the system, out of their rich friends' pockets, out of free enterprise. Out of their paychecks.

All they have is the police, who are starting to realize that the bigger our numbers, the likelier they are to injure their friends, neighbours, family members, their kids - by turning violent on the crowds.

We flood one street at a time with people, and then another, and another... until we have marched on all the streets, demanding equality, our share. Our society.

It's The Matrix, and we're rebooting it.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Thanks For The Memories, AIDS Wolf

One of the bands I most looked up to as examples of how to run your career - AIDS Wolf - has just called it quits, via singer Chloe Lum's blog.

They toured relentlessly, designed posters as a side-job/for a living, and electrified audiences on three continents... even if by the end, it was to only 5 people at a time.

In her post, Chloe describes exactly how the ''free market'' in North America actually works - huge corporations no longer have to get their shit through customs, they can close factories in major cities and re-open them in Mexico or other poor countries at a lesser cost, but the proverbial Little Guy has to go through more - and more expensive - loopholes. Especially if He wants to make it all right and legal. It makes no moral sense.

Perhaps a show of love will convince them to not hang the wires forever, perhaps not. I know I've always wanted to sing a song with Lum myself; maybe if AW is on the backburner, she'll have time for it, maybe not. But this doesn't seem like a decision they made lightly, nor one they're thrilled about.

It's pretty much a mourning, for them and for us.

Picture below from suburbanalist.

picture below from Chloe's tumblr

The memories and recordings remain, though.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Think Disney Will Stop Making Bad Movies?

I don't.

Because their market researchers will likely blame the movie's name, the director will blame the lack of high-end acting talent, the screenwriters will blame the director and no one will admit to having spent $250M on a shitty movie, a re-hashed Gladiator with bits of Ghosts Of Mars incorporated into it.

But John Carter is, officially, the biggest flop of the year. Maybe the biggest in years. It lost $150M by itself, and brought the whole Disney empire in the red by $80M for this quarter.

But that won't make Disney re-evaluate its position in the field, nor how it spends its money, nor the types of movies it funds, when it easily could take the opportunity to look into funding low-cost, high-gain indie films, which can be filmed for anywhere from $5-10M and with DVD sales alone are guaranteed to re-coup, making dozens of people from all film jobs work, rather than one of each.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

The Best Of Canada In 1 Photo-Op

The only words that come to mind are words describing how baffled I am that such an event even took place. You read about stuff like this, about the merging of two black holes, how it's supposed to mean ''the end of times'', and I do realize we're in 2012 and whatnot, but shit, man.

I think this picture caused the Acapulco earthquake.

The leader of watered-down rock meeting with the leader of watered-down George W. Bush politics; grunge lite meeting what made people cynical of politicians; a money-making puppet and a puppet for money-makers; Alberta's ''dirtiest'' and ''cleanest'' white men together, smiling of that true happiness only someone who has fucked over millions of people can ever know.

Ball Girls Promo

It's Spring Training, and that means most (MLB) baseball teams are playing in small towns in Florida, far from their home turf. And ''small-town''-type of promotions, like the Philadelphia Phillies letting Hooters girls be ball girls for a game against the Detroit Tigers... (click the link for video footage)

Monday, March 19, 2012

Video Of The Week: Skee-Lo

Ah, the innocent summer of 1995, between high school and college, still listening to early Snoop Doggy Dogg and Pearl Jam records, anticipating the new Smashing Pumpkins double-CD opus, hanging out with friends - some of whom for the last time...

There was one new artists we turned to for a good time, slipping his CD single in the pile at whatever party we were at: Skee-Lo's I Wish, whose video parodied Forest Gump. I especially liked his flow, which now reminds me of early/funny Eminem, like in My Name Is.

Skee-Lo - I Wish by christ88

Small-Town Politits

In Alberta - of all fucking places, think Texas-North, where the Conservative Party gets most of their votes - there has been a slight mishap, a ''malfunction'' of sorts:

Yes indeed: the right-wing provincial party ordered a bus with a face painted on it - as many right-wing politicians love to ride, a bus to go to all the small towns and reach out to their fan base, the everyday Joes, gun-toting, liberty-loving, often discriminating, one-language-speaking homophobes xenophobes usually-Christian men and women.

Except this bus has wheels where the politician Danielle Smith's chest stops, giving her de facto boobs - and conservatives hate showing - or being shown - titties. Guns, murder - all fine at dinnertime, but tits on TV or in art: No way, Jose. And ''No way'' on the ''Jose'', too, please.

And for those wondering why there'd be a political party named the Wildrose Party, it's named after the province's official flower. It's the hellspawn result of a merger between its original members and the Alberta Alliance Party (remember the current Conservative Party also came from a merger between the Canadian Alliance and Progressive Conservatives) in an attempt to ''go back to the province's Conservative roots of minimizing taxes, spending, and government involvement in peoples' lives'', except for everything they want to ban, like abortions, gay marriage and the country's official bilingualism - and things they want to keep illegal, like marijuana, and having sex with 17-year olds (more on that one later).

As a matter of fact, their ''program'' of sorts consists of mainly 3 things:
  • "Reducing by constitutional means the enormous net outflow of wealth from Albertans to the federal government"
  • "Ensuring that provincial decisions better reflect the mainstream values and priorities of most Albertans"
  • "Ensuring that the party's Leader and MLAs honour their election promises and commitments"
 ''Mainstream'', here, refers to white, Christian, above-the-poverty line, gun-having Canadian. ''Reducing the outflow of wealth'' means no longer helping the poor from other provinces, like the fisherman from the Atlantic provinces who only get to work 3 months a year and freeze the rest of the time, or Manitoban farmers who can barely make ends meet, and the lazy unemployed smoking French people rumoured to abound in Québec. You know, because the rest of the country never helped Alberta - and, thus, allow it to have the lowest tax rate in the whole country for a long while - before their dirty-fuel-derived economic boom of the past 15 years.

No, just implying such a thing is as lewd and immoral as a pair of breasts, be they implied or in real life.

To be fair, party leader Danielle Smith - who you may remember from the picture above before I digressed - is truly a compassionate conservative: pro-choice, libertarian, intelligent, well-spoken, and kind of hot.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Show Me The Kony

As if the backlash against his film and movement wasn't enough Kony 2012 director Jason Russell was apparently filmed doing naked exercises (or, as some have claimed, drunkenly, publicly masturbating):

New Whirl Odor?

I can't make out that it's him, personally. But shit - if a third of the fucking planet was talking about me, with most of them insulting me and trying to kill my project in the bud, I'd blow a gasket too. And if I were turning nuts, maybe I'd be doing something to - or with - my nuts as well. Maybe.

Moral of the story: don't try to make the world a better place. Ever.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Gallagher Hospitalized After Heart Attack

For the second time in a year, comedian Gallagher was hospitalized after suffering a heart attack. I'm glad CNN took time off of their useless Republican Primary coverage (not because it's the Republicans, but because they actually have nothing going on despite their jumbo-matrons and situation rooms and hounding of vote counters - but more on that at a later date) to talk about the guy Comedy Central ranked the 100th best comic of all-time.

They put Louis C.K. at 98 and David Cross at 85, though, with fucking Howie Mandel at 82, so what the fuck do they know?

Anyway, back to the watermelon smasher. Wait, there's nothing else to say, unless you want to mention that his most-famous skit, the ''Sledge-O-Matic'', is nothing more than a parody of a 60s appliance Veg-O-Matic (''it slices, it dices!'') that he's kept repeating ad nauseam, murdering millions of fruit for no valid reason throughout the decades.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012


There's a general feeling of unrest in the streets of Montréal of late, in great part due to the faltering politics and political system, but exacerbated by the provincial government to raise the cost of university education, to bring it closer to the Canadian average, when the average income in our province is still way below what it should be. As a matter of fact, of the 15 biggest cities in Canada, 5 of the bottom 7 in terms of quality of life/disposable income per capita are from Québec.

To make matters worse, local law enforcement has gone way over the line in terms of brute force, displaying some of the worst police brutality this city has known in perhaps a decade; the cops are targeting the students harder than they did rioters in the past 3 riots worth mentioning (2008, 2009 and 2010).

On a larger scale, protesting as a way of expressing oneself is quickly becoming a no-no in North America in general, as authorities fear losing control. More and more, they order cops to repress protesters, jail them for no reason, anything to discourage them from taking action - and anything to make them look like criminals when the TV cameras come, to sway public opinion against them. And sometimes it even works.

Although that may change, now that one kid might lose his fucking eye as a result of receiving a noise grenade right in the face. Impatience now grows on both sides:

Just a reminder that demonstrating, in a democracy, is as vital a way of expressing displeasure as voting, only it isn't reserved for adults. It is a right that was granted to most people 50 to 100 years ago and has lead to civil advancements in women's rights, racial inequities, worker compensation, dignity and human rights. Why the Powers That Be are so afraid of it when it would shut us up to give us our candy once in a while still mesmerizes me, but not everyone was born with a high IQ or the ability to reflect on issues that concern the greater good.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Video Of The Week: Tool

One band that always has really nice videos is Tool. They're usually centered around stop-motion filming, claymation characters, and dark subtext. And health-related shit, like diseases, goo coming out of people, injuries, even blood at times.

The music is hard-prog, with heavy metal mentality and groove-heavy, funky undertones. If Bootsy Collins had made a record with King Crimson, this band would still be listening to it.

Singer Maynard James Keenan is the type of charismatic frontman who permeates his art. Whether he's in Tool, A Perfect Circle or Puscifer, his unique voice and delivery always add a sombre, macabre mood to the situation

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Obsolete Words

Ever get bored with the words currently being used in the English language?

Ever get scared that our vocabulary will soon be reduced to merely one-syllable words, or worse - single consonants or vowels?

Maybe it's time to resurrect obsolete words, such as these ones, twenty of them.

I, for one, cannot fathom going another day without expressing my need to deliciate on some massive jumbo shrimp, but chances are I'll brannigan for St. Patrick's first.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Freudian Slip Of The Year

Mitt Romney can't spell. Or at the very least, can't concentrate on anything other than money. He even makes his children out to spell the word itself when they should be spelling his name.

This guy's really making it way too easy - it's like he wants to enter the history books as the guy who spent the most money to not get a nomination for the party who's going to lose an election.

How hard is it to sort the fucking kids by height? And we're to believe this guy was successful in business? That he's in touch with ''normal people'' somehow?

He just might be the ultimate proof that Charles Darwin was wrong...

Friday, March 9, 2012

No Kony 2012

I expected some backlash from the widespread sharing of the Kony 2012 video, and I expected it would be about Western paternalism and/or the White Messiah complex.

I didn't expect it to be almost as big and generalized as the actual campaign to share the film, though. And I didn't expect theories about the movement being about stealth-evangelizing Christianity.

Many formerly-African voices have come out against it, usually of the ''let us take care of our shit ourselves, we don't need your stinking help'' variety, but at least the kid in the video is still defending it.

The only critics I hate seeing are those who use the ''it's been going on for ages'' angle as an excuse to let it happen again, such as Nicholas Sengoba, a political researcher:
The issue has been around for ages. We have to ask ourselves why suddenly there is this uproar. I believe that these people have other motives that they are not putting out in the open.
I'm convinced - I'll send Kony my first 2 kids, because it's been going on forever, so why stop now?

Shit, the guy is accused of crimes against humanity. Let's catch him and put him on trial, no matter the means. The sooner the better. Many talk about humanitarian groups being already there on the ground, fine, fund them so they are able to do their job. There are already military forces looking for the guy? Fine, equip them better so they do find him.

Many have spoken against this as being ''the cause du jour'', deflecting our attention from other issues. And I fully agree. Sure. But can't we fucking see one thing through before moving onto another? This guy's been running and killing and raping and pillaging for years, decades even. Now that the world's attention is on him, is it going to take as long to find him as it did for, say, Osama Bin Laden? And is he going to end up dead rather than tried in court?

This needs to be done right. And it kinda needs to be done, period.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

History Repeats Itself Again

That moment where you just wiped your ass, you fold the toilet paper for a second swipe, but it bursts, and you end up re-pasting yourself with hot, stinking peanut butter...

And the sense of déjà-vu it instills in your soul because it wasn't the first time it's happened...

I have no idea if that has anything to do with this, but in the off chance that it may... here is an article from the L.A. Times regarding the firing of GM Pierre Gauthier. From the Anaheim Mighty Ducks, in 2002, but the facts remain so strikingly similar to the current Montréal Canadiens administration, it's uncanny.

My favourite part:
Gauthier made absolutely no impact on Orange County hockey fans in his four-year tenure. He was not part of the community in any noticeable way. He was anonymous. He tended to make statements that weren't true, in the sense that soon after he'd said something wouldn't happen, it happened.
For instance, Gauthier said he wouldn't think about firing his coach. Then a month later, Craig Hartsburg was fired. He also said he'd never consider trading the team's two superstars, Paul Kariya and Teemu Selanne. Then, a month or so later, Selanne was traded and the die-hards of the dwindling Duck fan base became rightly nervous about Kariya's future in Anaheim.
This season alone, Gauthier fired two coaches (one assistant, one head) and traded superstar sniper Michael Cammalleri. To go with his 5 other shitty trades...

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Kony 2012

It's a great idea: using today's tools - i.e. Facebook and social networking - to bring about social justice, use the fact that our authorities are listening to us for the moment (ok, maybe not in Canada...) to bring about change, to capture long-time purveyors of crimes against humanity.

They got their message to Washington and hope the American government cares about the issue long enough to not pull out until the job's done.

I wish them the best of luck.


Monday, March 5, 2012

Rush Limbaugh's Current Faux-Pas

I didn't want to comment on Rush Limbaugh's comments on that law student, because everyone else was doing it, and the internets were aflame. Plus, I had blogged constantly for 4 years without writing a specific article about him yet. But I've been asked to, and I shall. First, his comments:


Thanks to a successful Twitter campaign, a bunch of advertizers are now quitting Limbaugh's show, hitting the loud-mouth where it hurts: the purse strings. Because despite his studio being paid for and production costs nearing zero, and with his constant arguments about each individual having to foot the bill for whatever they want (insurance, health care, welfare, food stamps, pensions, etc.), someone else is always paying Limbaugh's bills, be they current or future.

He's apologized but at the same time is usually the first one to say apologies don't mean anything, that the person thinking what they said probably still feel the same way. But now he sees the threat of being taken off the air and is acting like the pussy he's always been, as most bullies end up doing when they're confronted.

Also, he prefaced his radio apology by saying he'd been using his adversaries' smear tactics despite his better judgement/manners - as if! - seemingly forgetting he insults people for a living, on air, 5 days a week for 3 hours at a time.

For once, the smell of shit around Rush Limbaugh isn't the hate speech coming out of his foul mouth, it's the complete picture of the situation he's in.

Video Of The Week: L7

''What's up with what's going down?
In every city, and every town''

These words rang in my yellow Sony walkman from 1992 until... well, until it broke, then in every subsequent device I've had, including my current iPod. There's no separating me from L7's Pretend We're Dead (also, from the same album, Shitlist), of which I even purchased the CD single - which also included Shitlist.

L7 (50s lingo for ''square'', as seen in Pulp Fiction) were often lumped into the ''grunge'' category, because they toured with Seattle bands and participated in the 1994 Lollapalooza traveling festival (with The Breeders and Smashing Pumpkins), but they were punk. In fact, when they formed in 1985, there was no such thing as grunge, and no one knew what a Kurt Cobain would look or sound like. Good times.

L7 are also notable for starting the Vote For Choice movement, later endorsed by the likes of Pearl Jam and Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Video Of The Week: The Guest Bedroom

I've been ''online friends'' with The Guest Bedroom's Sandi Falconer - singer and guitarist of the band, but also lead mistress in design/screenprinting powerhouse Deadweight - for so long I can't even count the years anymore, yet I think I had never featured any of her work anywhere. Not even her blog.

That changes today. The hard-rocking, as-prog-as-they-are-punk Toronto quartet have been at it for a while, with many EPs and tracks on compilations for issues that are dear to their hearts, including taking a political stance against the way Toronto has been voting in 2008.

They shot a video for the lead-off song from their upcoming EP and I happen to really, really like it, more than any other video this week, so, well...

You can download their first full-length, A Year's Supply OF Rabbit Feet, here (at ''name your price'', too).