Video Of The Week: Steve Miller Band

Sometimes your brain does you a favour and forgets the past. My brain loves me, and it enabled me to not remember a shred of evidence of the existence of this 1982 ''hit'' song...

But first things first: Steve Miller Band were huge in the 1970s, and we owe them a bunch of classic rock staples such as The Joker (''I'm a smoker, I'm a midnight toker''), Fly Like An Eagle, Key To The Highway, Take The Money And Run and Rock'n Me. Songs your dad (or grandfather) rode on the highway with his top down to, smoking and drinking while driving. All truck-drivin' songs.

And yet, this is the same band that released Abracadabra, a song so bad and cheesy I thought it was by Hall & Oates. But noooooo...

''Abracadabra'' is usually an incantation that precedes a magic trick's conclusion, and in this case, it worked: all matters of good taste have disappeared into the making of this song, just as your self-respect will disappear listening to it.

The rabbit in the hat is long gone, the assistant has been sowed in half twice, someone from the crowd has a knife stuck in their head and another spectator is missing a hand, and someone else is missing altogether.

This song is the result of everything going wrong. So much so that it probably killed Houdini; for sure it ended David Copperfield's career.

The Tortoise And The Sandal

Once upon a time, there was a silly rabbit - a magician of sorts - whose tricks weren't always for kids. He had cards up his sleeve, doves in his hats, and won every race he took part in. Kind of like Usain Bolt.

One day came a turtle whose grandfather had been famous - he had been immortalized on a Magic: The Gathering card. The tortoise challenged the rabbit to a fight, but the hare instead redirected the challenge into a race. Recollecting an old tale (a story by Aesop and a poem from Jean De La Fontaine, because adapted screenplays weren't invented in 1994), the turtle accepted, knowing the primary thing to do in a race is not to be quick but to pace yourself to be able to finish.

Unfortunately, the rabbit was a cheating jerk-off, and being far ahead by the second block, he put an obstacle in the turtle's way: an unbelievably attractive Croc sandal that the turtle just had to make love to, and the rabbit won the race.


Here's a short clip of the interruption:




The agreed-upon bet was for a million dollars. The turtle had a hard time explaining to his wife why they had to sell the house, the car, and take the kids out of private school, but she found out soon enough, when she opened an envelope that came in the mail labeled to the 'Lady Of The House'.

They are scheduled to appear on Divorce Court later this month. Don't miss it!