Consequences Will Never Be The Same: A Timeline

Oh how quickly it became a hit! I think Jessica Leonhardt (a.k.a. Jessica Slaughter, or kerligirl13 to her internet 'fans') has just been a victim of the fastest-ever bullying campaign to grow to global proportions. And even though she is but a tween, appearing on national TV (and, apparently, lying on it) has made her name a permanent fixture on the ''scarred for life with the internet to prove it'' list, just like the dumbest criminals.

But first things first: in case you don't know, here's a sarcastic look at the whole story (the quotes are real), which, basically, is that lil' Jess, who turns 12 today, was posting as a 16-year old emo/scene slut, even at times showing some underage boobage (no, I haven't seen them, and I don't care to) and repeatedly saying how perfect she is, in a language Lil' Wayne would understand.

That sparked ''haters'' to gang up on her and cyber-bully her, which, in turn, got her crying to dad - who happens to be highly quotable. It gets better here. Dad, or Gene Leonhardt as he is known until he gets his family new identities, could probably use dentures. In any event, he has been remixed.

Even her favourite band, whose name they share with a Michael Jackson record so I won't name them here, got in on the fun. They are terrible actors who don't even learn their lines. John Mayer thinks it's funny.

Man, I hope this emo-story is a hoax, and I hope it goes away. Except for the remix, that's fucking excellent.

And now back to news about Mel Gibson beating his wife, enough to leave a small bruise. It's bad enough that he's alleged to be a wife-beater, and that he'd beaten her while she was holding their child in her arms - but he's a weak one at that? Robert Blake would have taken her fucking eye out - or shot her. Pussy.