Death Watch

What I want right now is for someone dead to give me their watch, provided it's a Tikker.

What's a Tikker? Well, it's a watch that, after answering screening questions on the manufacturer's website, estimates your date and time of death according to statistics, your health, and your age and lifestyle, ''so you can take full advantage of the rest of your life'':



Wait... ''suck the marrow from it''? As if it didn't sound like they were preying on the weak enough already by selling folks a dollar-store watch for $60?

Also, how come no one answered ''overdose on heroin after killing someone I truly hate''? And how come they show that one guy visiting what seems to be the Grand Canyon, taking pictures with his cell phone? Who is he saving those memories for if he's about to die, and why can't those people just Google the Grand Cayon and see better pictures of it?

And The Survey Says...

A study shows that ''making love'' is the activity humans find the most enjoyable and rewarding, ahead of drinking alcohol - far ahead of religion and caring for children.

Duh.

Things you can feel, that are found in nature, and that distract from the useless daily grind we have invented as a means to be in control of one another should always have priority over make-believe and duties, in terms of what you take from it in the immediate moment.

Having kids, teaching them about Life, nurturing them - that's a long-term commitment that only seldom reaps benefits, and more often than not in the long run, not right away.

Logic would have dictated that, but I guess some people weren't sure. That's what scientists do: they test out even the most obvious stuff to have what they call 'empirical evidence', even though that evidence is usually a result of testing a sample population and, technically, is merely a representation of what some might feel, not all.

What a waste of time, resources and money.

Monastiraki Makes Martha Stewart Top-10 List

Our kind friends and sometimes poster designers Billy Mavreas and Emilie O'Brien at Monastiraki have made Martha Stewart Living's top-10 list of things to see/do/eat in Montréal!

Although I disagree with some of their over-the-top statements (''Move over, poutine!'', for one), it's still pretty freaking cool.

Not all things in life are dark, brutal, twisted, and full of bullshit.

Then again, Martha Stewart is a convicted felon...

Art As Memorandum

So we're in the 21st Century. As a species, depending on who you listen to, we stand behind either 3000 years of evolution or 2 million. And shit like this still happens, albeit at a much rarer frequency than it did in the past (say, the gay-bashing bonanza of the 60s and 70s, or the lynchings of 100 years ago), but when they do, they seem more violent than ever.

A few days ago, I was in a ten-person conversation about Led Zeppelin when my friend came with the killer quote:

I don't know, man, maybe I just don't like Zeppelin because it just so happens that it's always guys wearing LZ t-shirts who beat me up at a bar 'cause I look like a fag.

His words, not mine - I would never just call them ''Zeppelin''.

I didn't think it was too frequent, first because we've evolved as a species, but also because I haven't seen Led Zep t-shirts since the early 1990s. Oh, and we live in the most open-minded City in the world.

But others don't, and this is a reminder of it: in 2007, a 20-year old girl was beaten to death (kicks to the head) for ''looking like a goth'' in London, England. Not being one, looking like one. And earlier this week, her then-boyfriend opened an art exhibit in her honour. Kudos.

This, in a town famous for slashers (Sweeney Todd, Jack The Ripper) and cab drivers who either sexually assault drunk girls or kill people at random or kill their wives or run over the homeless or cut their own heads off.

Like Dennis Farina says in Snatch, answering the customs question ''do you have anything to declare?'':

Yeah: don't go to England.