Florida Mayor Arrested for Dealing Oxycodone

When articles begin with a punchline - and you're the butt of it - you've sunken pretty low. Except in this case, I'm not sure of it's just Rob Ford or the whole city of Toronto who are ridiculed:

Hey, Toronto, we see your crack-smoking mayor with a coke-snorting congressman, and raise you a hillbilly heroin-dealing mayor. (...)

Upon announcing the arrest, the local sheriff couldn't help but take a shot at Rob Ford, either.

"This isn't Toronto. We will not tolerate illegal drug activity, in my jurisdiction, by anyone, to include our elected officials," Polk County Sheriff Gordon Smith said in a news release posted on his department's Facebook page.

So thank you, Barry Layne Moore, mayor of Hampton, Florida, for entertaining the masses while Ford's in rehab... and for looking the part, too:

Right out of Grand Theft Auto V.

Why, Oh Why?

Can two horribly wrong things make one awesome thing? I thought ''no'', but I may have to re-think my position on the matter after seeing this...



Yes, that's 10 minutes of Rob Ford dancing to the awfulness that is Crazy Town's ''Butterfly''.

That is all.

Rob Ford: The Sequel

Yes, I know, I too was under the impression that his 15 minutes were up, that not only had we had a sequel (if the crack smoking was Episode 1: The Phantom Menace, then the odd behaviour and ''plenty of pussy to eat at home'' was surely Episode 3: Revenge Of The Filth), but that we were probably at the Police Academy 5 stage of his tenure by now...

Except we had all forgotten the essential rules of sequels: they not only introduce new characters to the cannon, but oftentimes also take place in new surroundings (Hangover Part II, Vegas Vacation).

And so, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: Rob Ford in Vancouver. Not only did he get a ticket for jaywalking, he also tried to get out of it by contacting the chief of police. That's right: he bothered the boss of the police force for a $100 ticket, because he's an entitled fucking asshole. And he did so at this classy establishment: a Shell gas station, situated across the street from the bar where he'd been drinking all night (though he was to have stopped drinking last Fall):

Video is available on Twitter and YouTube.

Which begs the question: is he ever not in a drunken stupor?

Rob Ford Resurfaces

Ok, what to start with? The fact that if this was anyone else in North America, most people would deem it extremely racist? Or the fact that Rob Ford is at it again?

Hmmm.. seems he likes swearing in Jamaican patois...



''Bumbaclot, man'', indeed.

And here is audio of him saying this ''couldn't have happened yesterday'' because while he was, indeed, drunk yesterday, that was on his own time.



But who cares what day it was shot? Wasn't he stripped of most of his power precisely because he's an out of control buffoon? And didn't he commit to stop drinking and doing drugs in order to regain some power and go for reelection?

Maybe Rob has a King complex and thinks the current-day political trick of saying exactly the opposite of what you mean gets you forgiven for everything even in the real world... but it can't. Can it?

That Downward Spiral Called Rob Ford

''Elect me as mayor, and I will clean this city up like you wouldn't believe.'' That was the attitude Rob Ford put forth just a couple of years ago, running to take over Canada's biggest economic center.

Like a true used car salesman, his first order of business was to eliminate bike lanes, and his second was to get as drunk as possible in as many public events as possible, a political Chris Farley if you will, without the visible and audible threat of ending up living in that van down by the river, yet you could tell just by looking at him that that was exactly where he was headed, probably in the near future.

Then came rumours about drug use - and not just marijuana, no: straight-up crack. And there could even be video footage... a video people have already died for.

After denying it - and the existence of the tape - for the better part of 2013, Ford has now admitted to having smoked crack, but he did so with his usual sense of grandeur:

"Yes I have smoked crack cocaine. But I am not an addict," he said in a stunning admission. "Have I tried it? Probably in one of my drunken stupors," he said, adding that he may have smoked it approximately one year ago.

Oh yeah - one of his drunken stupors. Makes sense. What else did he do in his (frequent) drunken stupors, kill a hooker? Waste taxpayers' money? Eat tons of donuts?

As if hearing that the police had found the video - and another one, rumoured to be a sex tape with an alleged minor - recovered from a erased hard drive (that's right, kids, hitting 'delete' is not a guarantee) wasn't enough, the mayor's boat is leaking from everywhere, and reports are coming out that he and his team hired a crack team (sorry) of hackers to erase the recording from online storage spaces.

Didn't work.

Now, I know it's never over until the fat lady sings, but I'm guessing that's merely one or two drunken stupors away from happening...

Thief-In-Chief

The more things change...

Ladies and gentlemen, the new mayor of Montréal, Denis Coderre, whose team incorporated all the leftovers from the previous deposed administration, on the grounds of corruption. They all jumped on his bandwagon because no one else would take their soiled asses, and who better to forgive (and help hide) than a man who was once associated with his own corrupt political party, on the federal (national) level...

Oh, the company we keep. Birds of a feather flock together - as do the tainted and easily corrupted.

Worse still, Michel Bissonnet received 72% of the vote to remain as burrough mayor of St-Leonard, despite his name being mentioned in thousands of court documents and hearings as part of a vast web of corruption, most notably in the construction industry but also illegal campaign financing.

And look at Coderre's wink-and-smile, he knows the fix is in and has been from the start:

Kind of makes you wish you could have voted for Peter Griffin instead...

Of course, everyone knew it was going to happen, and two-thirds of the city are almost happy that Coderre won with ''merely'' 32% of the vote, when polls were giving him a larger lead, perhaps even a majority. And that's why I almost made the following song my Video Of The Week yesterday (it's Catatonia's I Am The Mob):



And there is even more defeat in defeat: Luc Ferrandez was re-elected as burrough mayor for the Plateau - with a higher percentage than the first time around - which means the War On Noise (i.e. making downtown Montréal into a quiet suburb-like environment for condo dwellers while shutting down music venues and art galleries and fucking with every other remaining businesses' permit statuses in the heart of the city's cultural center) is still on.

Humans really are stupid creatures.

At least it'll be entertaining. With the Party that gave us 3 deposed mayors in less than 6 months still in power, office pools have already started about how high-up the first arrest will go, and what type of corruption it'll entail (electoral fraud, City contract assignment, over-charging for services to take a higher commission fee, no-bid contract at double the street price, etc). Kinda makes you wish all your mayor was doing wrong was smoking crack.

Oh, Anthony Weiner!

One-time budding stand-up comic Anthony Weiner turned to politics at a relatively young age, first as New York City councilman, then the House OF Representatives, until he was caught in a sexting scandal, where he tweeted and texted pictures of his naked self and/or erect penis (covered or not) to several women. The ''star'' of the scandal was this picture, which made the rounds for months:

Anthony's weiner

He formally resigned from Congress of June 21, 2011, and entered rehab.

He warned us upon his return to the limelight - as he officially entered the NYC mayoral race a month ago - that new pictures could eventually come out, but that he is now ''rehabilitated'' from his ''sex addiction''.

But pictures have surfaced, and they seem more recent than we were led to believe, though the only timeline Weiner admits is ''some did occur after my resignation''. Here's what he said:

I said that other texts and photos were likely to come out and today they have... I want to again say that I am very sorry to anyone who was on the receiving end of these messages and the disruption this has caused.

But when a guy goes by the nickname Carlos Danger, isn't he kind of asking for it? Slate seems to think so, and they've established a possible timeline of his activities...

The Dirty, on the other hand, got a hold of a bunch of texts he exchanged with one woman in particular, of which I'll just re-post this one (check it out here for the rest):

And yet he won't back out of the race... then again, he didn't want to resign in 2011, but the Democratic Party forced him to...

More on this story as it, uh, unfolds develops.