Florida Mayor Arrested for Dealing Oxycodone

When articles begin with a punchline - and you're the butt of it - you've sunken pretty low. Except in this case, I'm not sure of it's just Rob Ford or the whole city of Toronto who are ridiculed:

Hey, Toronto, we see your crack-smoking mayor with a coke-snorting congressman, and raise you a hillbilly heroin-dealing mayor. (...)

Upon announcing the arrest, the local sheriff couldn't help but take a shot at Rob Ford, either.

"This isn't Toronto. We will not tolerate illegal drug activity, in my jurisdiction, by anyone, to include our elected officials," Polk County Sheriff Gordon Smith said in a news release posted on his department's Facebook page.

So thank you, Barry Layne Moore, mayor of Hampton, Florida, for entertaining the masses while Ford's in rehab... and for looking the part, too:

Right out of Grand Theft Auto V.

Why, Oh Why?

Can two horribly wrong things make one awesome thing? I thought ''no'', but I may have to re-think my position on the matter after seeing this...



Yes, that's 10 minutes of Rob Ford dancing to the awfulness that is Crazy Town's ''Butterfly''.

That is all.

Rob Ford: The Sequel

Yes, I know, I too was under the impression that his 15 minutes were up, that not only had we had a sequel (if the crack smoking was Episode 1: The Phantom Menace, then the odd behaviour and ''plenty of pussy to eat at home'' was surely Episode 3: Revenge Of The Filth), but that we were probably at the Police Academy 5 stage of his tenure by now...

Except we had all forgotten the essential rules of sequels: they not only introduce new characters to the cannon, but oftentimes also take place in new surroundings (Hangover Part II, Vegas Vacation).

And so, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: Rob Ford in Vancouver. Not only did he get a ticket for jaywalking, he also tried to get out of it by contacting the chief of police. That's right: he bothered the boss of the police force for a $100 ticket, because he's an entitled fucking asshole. And he did so at this classy establishment: a Shell gas station, situated across the street from the bar where he'd been drinking all night (though he was to have stopped drinking last Fall):

Video is available on Twitter and YouTube.

Which begs the question: is he ever not in a drunken stupor?

Rob Ford Resurfaces

Ok, what to start with? The fact that if this was anyone else in North America, most people would deem it extremely racist? Or the fact that Rob Ford is at it again?

Hmmm.. seems he likes swearing in Jamaican patois...



''Bumbaclot, man'', indeed.

And here is audio of him saying this ''couldn't have happened yesterday'' because while he was, indeed, drunk yesterday, that was on his own time.



But who cares what day it was shot? Wasn't he stripped of most of his power precisely because he's an out of control buffoon? And didn't he commit to stop drinking and doing drugs in order to regain some power and go for reelection?

Maybe Rob has a King complex and thinks the current-day political trick of saying exactly the opposite of what you mean gets you forgiven for everything even in the real world... but it can't. Can it?

Rob Ford Re-Enacted

Rob Ford / Chris Farley Mashup

The only bit missing is Rob Ford, (warning of) living in a van, down by the river...



... well, and Ford's most recent magical quotes, such as the one where he has plenty to eat at home.

That Downward Spiral Called Rob Ford

''Elect me as mayor, and I will clean this city up like you wouldn't believe.'' That was the attitude Rob Ford put forth just a couple of years ago, running to take over Canada's biggest economic center.

Like a true used car salesman, his first order of business was to eliminate bike lanes, and his second was to get as drunk as possible in as many public events as possible, a political Chris Farley if you will, without the visible and audible threat of ending up living in that van down by the river, yet you could tell just by looking at him that that was exactly where he was headed, probably in the near future.

Then came rumours about drug use - and not just marijuana, no: straight-up crack. And there could even be video footage... a video people have already died for.

After denying it - and the existence of the tape - for the better part of 2013, Ford has now admitted to having smoked crack, but he did so with his usual sense of grandeur:

"Yes I have smoked crack cocaine. But I am not an addict," he said in a stunning admission. "Have I tried it? Probably in one of my drunken stupors," he said, adding that he may have smoked it approximately one year ago.

Oh yeah - one of his drunken stupors. Makes sense. What else did he do in his (frequent) drunken stupors, kill a hooker? Waste taxpayers' money? Eat tons of donuts?

As if hearing that the police had found the video - and another one, rumoured to be a sex tape with an alleged minor - recovered from a erased hard drive (that's right, kids, hitting 'delete' is not a guarantee) wasn't enough, the mayor's boat is leaking from everywhere, and reports are coming out that he and his team hired a crack team (sorry) of hackers to erase the recording from online storage spaces.

Didn't work.

Now, I know it's never over until the fat lady sings, but I'm guessing that's merely one or two drunken stupors away from happening...

Crackhead Mayor

I've been relatively quiet here for the past week, which means I've also missed out on writing about Toronto mayor Rob Ford, the ultra-conservative genius who once said that people who use bikes and bike baths instead of cars and buses were ''two steps left of Joseph Stalin'', and his alleged crack cocaine usage.

Now that Gawker can't seem to find the guys who were selling the evidence, Ford has come out of hiding and officially denied the claim, but it looks more like ''now that's it's safe and those guys are afraid of getting caught, I think I can get away with it''.

Taking a week off from the controversy - some say he went into a quick rehab, came out for the press conference then back into rehab - only fueled the fire, as it gave the Globe And Mail time to research what became an 8-page story on the Ford siblings' history with drug trafficking.

The heat is on. Soon, the pig will be cooked.