Oh, No, Canada!

Stephen Harper's Conservatives, in a mere 6 months since actually taking power, has already changed the face of Canadian politics - and it's only getting worse: Bill C-11 formerly Bill-32 - makes the American SOPA bill look tame in comparison.

Dear They compiled this short list of just some of its provisions:

Like your PVR? You can’t keep it under C-11.

Like ripping CDs to your iPod? Say bye-bye.

Hey, do you want to be able to unlock your $500 smartphone and take it to a provider less dedicated to violating your wallet? That won’t be allowed either.

Did you get accused of internet piracy but no evidence has been presented and a trial date hasn’t even been set? Under C-11 your ISP will now be forced to terminate your internet access.

Yeah. And lazy Canadian bastards, too busy watching the NHL All Star Game, or too cold to go outside and demonstrate or riot will politely just bend over and turn the other cheek. We will let this asshole completely change our way of life in just a couple of years, turning our ''socialist Hell'' into a police state governed by lawless companies while humans have no rights whatsoever... ah the beauty of ''the free market''!

There are less than two weeks left to make our voices heard. Click here and save yourselves:
http://www.ccer.ca/canadian-copyright-reform/canadian-copyright-reform-back-with-vengeance/

Video Of The Week: Oran ''Juice'' Jones

There are countless songs about infidelity in love - I'm in the process of writing one myself, called Fuck Doll - and most of them reek of cheese, but none more than Oran ''Juice'' Jones' The Rain, in which the protagonist actually confronts his partner after having followed her during the day, and promptly exacts revenge by cancelling her credit cards and kicking her to the curb.

The video is typical '80s, with the soft colours, vaseline-tinted lense, terrible fashion sense and keyboard-infested soft pop music, and I totally understand how Jones, a serious artist, would have failed to understand that what made this particular track and video stand out was its cheesiness, not its quality. It's a ''magic'' that is hard to recreate.

When his follow-ups (1987's Gangsters Takin' Over and 1989's To Be Immortal) didn't quite meet anyone's expectations, he half-retired from music to take care of his terminally ill mother and raise his kids... until his failed comeback album Player's Call in 1997.

Both of his kids are trying to make it in the business, while Daddy Jones himself is getting back in the game, scoring for film and TV commercials.

My favourite part of the song is when he confronts her:

Did you miss me
You did? Yeah? I missed you too
I missed you so much I followed you today
That's right now close your mouth
'Cause you cold busted
Now just sit down here, sit down here
I'm so upset with you I don't know what to do
You know my first impulse was to run up on you
And do a Rambo
I was about to jam you and flat blast both of you
But I didn't wanna mess up
this thirt-seven hundred dollar lynx coat
So instead I chilled -- That's right chilled
I called up the bank and took out every dime.
Than I cancelled all your credit cards...
I stuck you up for every piece of jewelery
I ever bought you!
Don't go lookin' in that closet
'cause everything you came here with
is packed up and waiting for you in the guest room.
What were you thinking?
You don't mess with the Juice!

Indeed.

Man Stats

These stats are from the U.K., so I take them with a grain of salt, seeing as that's likely the only ''spice'' they have available.

But a few of those even apply to me.

• 1/3 of men have never had a romantic breakfast with their girlfriend
• One fifth of men have had a steamy Skype session
• 70% of men have watched porn online.
• 27% of men would sleep with someone 'repulsive' for £1m
• 96% of men wouldn't send flowers to their partner's work
• 18% of men go on a diet because of a new partner
• Men think a loose bun is the best hairstyle for a first date
• 11% of men admit to flirting at work
• Men spend an average of £235 a year on looking good
• 42% of men say they're single because they are shy
• 57% of men would prefer a month without sex than a month without their mobile
• 28% of men don't know girls pluck their chin hairs
• 27% of men would date a married woman
• 50% of holiday romances last less than a week
• 33% of men say they feel depressed on 'fat days'
• 1/4 men wee in the shower
• 79% of men think it's most likely they'll meet their next girlfriend at work
• 16% of men have pretended a ready meal was something they'd cooked to impress a date
• 15% of men have left an extra-large tip because they fancied the waitress
• 9% of men don't know the main ingredient of cheese
• 10% of men are terrified of spiders
• 10% of men say they're less attracted to women who can't cook
• Only 35% of men wear clean pants everyday!
• 10% of men have a teddy bear that they hide when a girl stays over
• 62% of men are baffled by flat pack furniture
• 22% of men have a bank account they don't tell their partner about
• Men are prepared to spend an average of £55.47 on a first date
• Larger men last longer in bed than skinny men
• 7% of men have used their partner's toothbrush

I dare you to guess which one(s).

Heidi Klum And Seal Divorce

Temper, temper.

Before it becomes old news, I should tell you I was not to blame for Heidi Klum divorcing Seal. Unlike the Demi Moore and Halle Berry marriages, where I was the main reason.

Love that hair! And the dress, of course!

The Tim Thomas Incident

You've probably heard by now about Boston Bruins goaltender Tim Thomas, who refused to participate in his team's visit to the White House ''for political reasons'', defending his ideas/ideals which seem pretty damn close to Tea Party ideas.

Hockey is a sport built on tradition, and Thomas is as much an athlete as he is a student of the game; he respects the tradition that stipulates opponents trade handshakes after a playoff series. Tradition also calls for an American team winning the Stanley Cup to be invited to the White House - and to accept the invitation.

His only explanation came via Twitter Facebook, of all fucking places:

I believe the Federal government has grown out of control, threatening the Rights, Liberties, and Property of the People. This is being done at the Executive, Legislative, and Judicial level. This is in direct opposition to the Constitution and the Founding Fathers vision for the Federal government. Because I believe this, today I exercised my right as a Free Citizen, and did not visit the White House.

This was not about politics or party, as in my opinion both parties are responsible for the situation we are in as a country. This was about a choice I had to make as an INDIVIDUAL.

This is the only public statement I will be making on this topic. TT

Jesus Christ. I hope he's not afraid of heights, because his fucking pedestal is as high as they come.

Michael Grange from Sportsnet had this to say:

To me the real problem is that Thomas couldn't rise above his beliefs and not only support his team but support the tradition of public discourse and debate which is the only logical way out of whatever issues are ailing the United States and how many other democracies these days.

There's no objection to his views here, but there is an objection to the notion that you can't show respect to the individual democratically elected to serve your fellow citizens, even if it's to vigourously agree to disagree.

The Bruins shook hands with the Canucks, after all.

Sure they scrapped like brothers the next time they met. All the old wounds remained raw.
But they honoured the spirit of the game. Tim Thomas should have too.

Even Barack Obama spoke - highly! - of Thomas, as can be attested in this article from ESPN's Joe McDonald:

During his speech, President Obama spoke glowingly about Thomas and his performance during the Stanley Cup playoffs.

"This Stanley Cup was won by defense as much as by offense," Obama said. "Tim Thomas posted two shutouts in the Stanley Cup finals and set an all-time record for saves in the postseason, and he also earned the honor being only the second American ever to be recognized as the Stanley Cup playoffs MVP."

Thomas' absence was uncalled for. The president has more important things to worry about with Tuesday's State of the Union address.

But it's going to be interesting to see what this does to the State of the Bruins.

Team spirit can, indeed, take a monstruous fall. But Thomas is a hero in Boston; they're calling him possibly the team's best ever. He's a God in the city, and a heck of a warrior for his team. I, for one, think if one person could survive such an un-team-like act, it would be him, the team's most unselfish character.

Thomas' harshest critic, however, is from The Boston Globe's Kevin Paul Dupont:

Shabby. Immature. Unprofessional. Self-centered. Bush league. Need I go on? All that and more applies to what Thomas did, on a day when Cup teammates Mark Recchi (now retired), Shane Hnidy (a radio guy these days in Winnipeg), and Tomas Kaberle (a member of some Original Six team in Canada), all gladly joined the red-white-blue-black-and-gold hugfest at the White House.

Thomas needed to be there in solidarity, and celebration, with his team. It was the same government yesterday, and will be today, that protected his country, his security, his family, and his right to make $5 million a year, all last season. In his absence, he stole his teammates’ spotlight. Win as a team. Lose as a team. And when asked to stand up and take a bow, then stand up there and suffer if need be, even if you don’t like the setting, the host, or any of the political trappings and tenets that come with it.

And he went on to add even stronger words:

If Thomas is feeling the way he is today, it could not have happened overnight. He must have felt much the same just shy of 24 months ago when he sounded so proud to wear that Team USA sweater at the 2010 Olympics, and so proudly dipped his head to accept that silver medal. Or was he doing all of that under governmental duress, the pain of knowing our leaders were acting, as he wrote yesterday, “in direct opposition of the Constitution and the Founding Fathers’ vision of the Federal government.’’

Someone so disgusted with our government ought to turn in the sweater and the medal. It must be a horrible burden, if not a pox, to have them in his house.

That's the stuff!

Billion Dollar Baby

While I'm not partial to Paris Hilton's looks nor ''talents'', you've got to give it to her for moneying her assets into always more and more public exposure. And money, considering she's now officially a billionaire. (Yes, you read that right.)

This time, she's on the cover of FHM magazine. Here, she's pictured spray-painting... something? The whole thing makes no sense whatsoever...

But the pièce de résistance is clearly these four facts ''learned'' from her interview:

FYI 1: Recently Paris found a stray dog on a beach in Bali. It looked hungry and made her sad, so she spent £50 on a filet mignon steak for it.
FYI 2: Paris was robbed five times by Hollywood gang The Bling Ring. It wasn't until the fifth time when she lost $2 million in jewellery that she reported the robberies.
FYI 3: Paris went to the same school as Kim Kardashian, Chandler from friends and the guys who wrote the theme song from The O.C. (''Phantom Planet'')
FYI 4: Paris used to date a guy called Paris.

Snowy Monday In Montréal

It looks amazing but it feels like Hell, I tell ya! It's a video my friend Jamie Klinger shared - I'm just sharing it back.


A Monday Morning in Montréal from CloudRaker on Vimeo.

And it shows you the beginning of the storm, how it's funny/difficult to walk in it, and they hint at the fact that the City doesn't fucking pick it up, but imagine all that fucking snow, falling all day long, and the 4 feet of it that's accumulated after your long day of work, and you having to go back home through waist-high unwalkable freezing fluff - or moist, dirty slush if it's melted a bit.

There is nothing human about living in these conditions 6 months a year. There's a reason settlers went all the way to California. Heck, even British Columbia.

If It Pains Penner...

Remember Dustin Penner, the Los Angeles Kings player who injured his back while eating pancakes?

Fans are already starting to tease him about it, as can be attested by this photo:

Let the food times roll!

Videos Of The Week: Gotye (Feat. Kimbra) and Walk Off The Earth

Here it is, the soundtrack of the last month for me, Gotye's Somebody That I Used To Know. Goddamn, what I good fucking song, full of emotion, truth and sorrow.

Gotye is a Belgian-Australian songwriter born Wouter ''Wally'' De Backer and has won multiple awards for this song in 2011.



The song caught even more steam in North America of late through Walk Off The Earth's cover of the song, in a just-as-subtle-yet-just-as-great video featuring 5 musicians playing on the same guitar. For a rare time, I also include the cover, as co-Video Of The Week.



Sarah Blackwood's voice is one for the ages.

Chicks To Blame

Remember that boat that crashed in Italy late last week?

Turns out supermodel Eva Herzigova is to blame. She was the one who christened the boat in 2006 - f.y.i: you christen a boat by throwing a champagne bottle at it, because the bigger the piece of machinery, the bigger its thirst for alcoholic beverages. That's why I throw a beer at small-to-mid-range cars and wine bottles at cars worth over $100,000.

In any event, Eva (pictured below hesitating between another glass of bubbly and a fifth orgasm provided by yours truly - she got both) isn't as strong as she looks, because the bottle didn't break, which is considered bad luck. Which apparently takes 6 years to materialize. Because the sea prefers having broken glass in it than people diving to retrieve a bottle of booze.

Poor Eva is distraught. She hopes she didn't cause the death of 6 or more people. To make her feel better here are more pictures of her bad self.