Do You Know It's Christmas Time At All?

It's disturbingly ironic that today would be Christmas in my City. It's almost 10AM, I haven't slept a wink since I woke up yesterday morning, I had dinner with family last night and yet... it's all so out of place.

Coming out of the subway station and walking towards my home, someone wished me ''Merry Christmas'', which I thought was nice enough, but crossing him through the door I was suddenly outside - in the greyest almost post-apocalyptic setting possible.

Sure, in some suburbs, houses might be decorated to the point where you can see them from the moon, but on Ontario street, there's nothing, just grey; the Subway fast-foo joint is conveniently across the street, but it looks like it's been closed since 1995; the bar that runs diagonally seems a leftover from a bygone era that is about to be brought down through implosion later today; the dollar-pizza place across from it looks like even roaches wouldn't want to approach it. Every single tree is without leaves - as winter would have it - but each one of them, when contrasted to the greyest sky I've seen in ages, looks more like the night after Halloween and the Devil's Night than something as festive as Christmas.

The walk home takes but a couple of minutes, but the only thought that was running through my head was ''hm... this looks like the ideal setting for a suicide''.

So I get home, turn on my computer, and the first news I see is that Vic Chesnutt, songwriter extraordinaire, has attempted just that.

I'm still not in a festive mood, I still don't feel like seeing anyone - I just want to stay home and watch Season 7 of 24, by myself. But I have to attend another family gathering tonight, and must therefore find a way to fall asleep before then. Hopefully aim for 5 hours of Zs, but time seems against me on that one.

There's that saying : ''damned if you do, damned if you don't''. There's also an expression that just says: ''damn''. Neither applies here, so my day just started off by getting fucked - and chances are it'll end fucked up.