Monday, June 3, 2013

The Amanda Bynes Fiasco

Just when you thought it couldn't get any more entertaining/sad than Lindsay Lohan... another former child-star, Amanda Bynes, goes and puts herself in a situation where she gets in trouble.

Ultimately, it'll be up to a judge to decide to not treat her as he would a regular person because she is rich and famous and and rule her innocent, but for now, let us compare her mugshot her court picture, and her words:

Making Courtney Love look 'normal'
''I'm sotally tober, officer!''

And these pearls of wisdom:
“I'm suing NYPD for illegally entering my apartment, lying about drugs on me and lying about me tampering with non existent drug paraphernalia, then I'm suing for being put into a mental hospital against my will, then locked up overnight for coming home after a facial and working out with my trainer like the good girl that I am. I’m allergic to alcohol and drugs and don’t partake in any of the above. I’m so offended by all of this but so proud to not be a drug or alcohol user”.
“The judge saw that there was no drugs on me or proof of any type of bong or mental illness. I was so offended to even be taken to a mental hospital and they would not let me call my lawyer until the next day after being in jail all night, then I went to court and was immediately released because the judge saw that I was wrongly arrested.”
 Overlooking the fact that a judge cannot ''see'' something missing in the past in his absence, I take offense at her offense over the mental illness thing, as if it were something to be ashamed of, it shows a deep misunderstanding of people, and life in general. It's a pretty ignorant statement.

But the best part is still coming up:
“I'm also suing my apartment complex for lying about me smoking in my building. I'm free forever! You can't lock up an innocent person! Thanks for caring! Look forward to seeing me in music videos! I'm getting in shape and getting a nose job! I'm looking forward to a long and wonderful career as a singer/rapper!”
Uh, first of all, tons of innocent people are locked up - a few of them even made it to Death Row. Usually just because they are poor nobodies who suffer from mental illness. But you're clearly none of those, Amanda, so carry on.

So, uh, singer/rapper, eh? Are you so talented that you can be an actress - something that most 'actual' actresses devote decades to without ever earning a living from, and you've been doing on and off in a mediocre way for 10 years or so - and a singer at the same time - another job most professionals perfect for decades before even attempting public performance, then countless years honing their craft?

And rapper? You have a mastery of words and poetry beyond the scope that others do? Your grammar isn't all that awesome -although that could be the booze and/or drugs, but no, you're allergic to those -
and I'm guessing your improv (i.e. ''freestyle'') skills aren't that great if they couldn't get you out of getting arrested.

Unless... oh, did you mean as part of the Star System, with auto-tune, part of the big money-making machine, not in the real world? You wanna make a record, like Paris Hilton? A song featuring a young, hot rapper you can bone while filming a video over a weekend at a Hawaii resort? No need to go through the whole process, then, dear - just call up Pitbull. Everybody else already did. Except Miley Cyrus, she went to Snoop Dogg Lion.

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