Friday, March 21, 2014

How A Past In Sports Affects My Present

Though you probably couldn't tell by my current physical shape and from the fact that I'm now a fully-respected writer and musician, I grew up an athlete - and most of my adult way of thinking is affected by that fact.

As a goalie, I trained to be 100% in the moment, and never think about the past nor the future except if it pertains to what’s in front of me (say if I’d prepared to play against someone in particular, know their tendencies), and because of that, I still have tremendous focus in what I'm doing as I'm doing it, but as soon as the task or the moment's gone, I'll likely have forgotten most of it.

Another quirk I have is wanting to know if the effort I put into something is worth it. In the case of work or performance, I want to be the best, I want to be designated to do or come up with something, and I want to be remembered for it, but it can feel like a chore to just mindlessly enter data for an extended period, for example. In social circles, say if I’m going after a girl, I want to know I’m at least a contender.

I play to win in general (be it by myself or as part of a team), and I want to be named the MVP in the end; I don't care that I'm not the favourite going in, I care that I finish ahead, am the last one standing and ultimately got the job done.

That's probably why I played three positions in football (defensive back, offensive tackle, and quarterback), two of which pitted me directly in a one-on-one battle with an opponent through speed or brute force, and the other had my brain scrambling to find a solution using 21 (or 23 in Canadian football) other humans to get my team to advance forward.

I love a challenge, but I don't want to play in vain. I always thrived under pressure (as can be attested by my vast collection of trophies and medals, hehehe) but have had to find outside motivation (scouts, girls, friends or family watching) at times when the situation felt hopeless – or boring.

My life is definitely taking a turn these days, but I have yet to read its full context and decipher its true meaning. And part of me wants to make the change even more radical than it already is, but that would mean having no grounds to stand on at all for a while, so my moral center is urging me to take it one step at a time. Also my immediate prospects, which may be looking up, though they are taking their sweet fucking time. First comes moving from a basement to a third floor, two weeks from now. In business terms, a higher floor means more success; that's how I'll approach it for the time being.

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