Next Up On My Wall: 3 Autographed Samantha Fox Posters

Here is a post lifted from my Collectibles blog...

I received this cylinder in the mail two weeks ago and have been waiting to make good use of it ever since:

Yes, that's direct mail from Samantha Fox, my favourite lead singer of the 1980s, my favourite pop music queen, my childhood crush obsession, the lone ''non-rock'' patch on my teenage jean jacket...

I contemplated having its contents laminated, but because they are of ''unusual'' (read: British) dimensions (12x16.5 inches), I would have had to do so on larger-than-the-poster canvasses; it took me a long time to find ideal-sized and affordable frames... until last Sunday.

And so:

Oh, yes, these are going on my wall.

She sells unsigned versions of these at 10 pounds apiece ($20 U.S.), and signed ones for 30 each ($60 U.S.). I got them for much, much less than that - because I'm a musician, proved to be a true fan, did my best to attend every single one of her performances in my part of the world... and took advantage of a sale on her website. 1+1+1= oh yeah.

There are days where I regret some of the choices I've made in my life, like foregoing on a hockey career to pursue my education, or choosing the least faithful out of two possible ladies as a long-term companion, or leading a relatively unhealthy lifestyle without the trade-off of at least feeling like it was worth the damage done.

But there are days where I tell myself that every choice I've made has led me right here, and there is no way I could possibly want to trade that away. This is one of them:

There is a God - he just hasn't made me a photographer. BEST BLACK DRESS, EVER; ALL-TIME GREATEST USE OF WIND. I even noticed the shoes, and I'm neither gay nor a lady! Oh, and superb signature. I nominate this as the greatest piece of human history ever created.

There is also this sexy bustier shot, which I had a blown-up poster of (unsigned) earlier in my life:

And this one, showing a rather large tattoo I had never noticed on her before (let me reiterate that I've seen her perform live and state for the record that I've met her maybe 5 years ago when she came to town to play an outdoors show at out Gay Pride festival):

Another cool black dress, the like of could have been worn in a sexy, almost-goth fashionable wedding à la November Rain, the epic 1992 Guns N' Roses video. I volunteer to be the groom.

God And Republicans

I thought we'd be God-free for a good few days after this last post, but I guess not.

This time, Rick Perry claims the economic crisis was God's way of getting us back to ''Bible principles''...

Praying

I'm not a religious man, by any stretch of the imagination.

In any event, if there is a God, those who preach His words the loudest are likely to be the ones who have it the most wrong, seeing as they Hate everyone who isn't like them, be it because of race, sex, sexual orientation, different religious views, political views, different tastes in entertainment...

They also have praying down all wrong.

I like what George Carlin said about praying, it's funny, but, in essence I don't agree with him.

I've often thought people treat God rather rudely, don't you? Asking trillions and trillions of prayers every day. Asking and pleading and begging for favors. Do this, gimme that, I need a new car, I want a better job. And most of this praying takes place on Sunday His day off. It's not nice. And it's no way to treat a friend. But people do pray, and they pray for a lot of different things, you know, your sister needs an operation on her crotch, your brother was arrested for defecating in a mall. But most of all, you'd really like to fuck that hot little redhead down at the convenience store. You know, the one with the eye patch and the clubfoot? Can you pray for that? I think you'd have to. And I say, fine. Pray for anything you want. Pray for anything, but what about the Divine Plan?

Praying to get something, to receive something, is so totally wrong. It's insane, it's backwards-stupidity-becoming-double-stupidity.

Think about it for a second: God is like a parent, we're his child: he created us, made us. Everything we have, everything we are, we owe it to His Will, he was nice enough to give it to us. For, depending on your views (Creationism versus Evolution), hundreds or millions of years.

And the only fucking time we ever call him up is to beg for something more? No ''Hi, Dad, how are you doing today?'', no ''How's Eternity treating you?'', no ''How's Mom?'', no ''Thanks God I'm alive!''...

Instead it's ''I need a new car'', ''I didn't study enough but need to pass this exam'', ''I hope Marie-Julie Melançon will love me as much as I love her'', or ''My team needs to win the Super Bowl''.

Take, take, take. You praying people are ungrateful fucking children. And I'm sure there are more of you ungratefuls out there than we think who are, in fact, fucking children.

Funny Thing: People Are Tired Of Dying For No Reason

Weird, huh?

By now, you've undoubtedly been made aware that Israel has launched yet another attack on the Gaza Strip for the Holidays, a Boxing Day Special, if you will.

Part of their usual ''attempt to defend themselves'', these strikes are explained as being retaliation for members of Hamas shooting rockets into Israeli territory, which had caused 4 deaths. The death count on the other side has surpassed the few hundreds now, the injured are in the thousands, too many to count, and because Israelis are targetting police stations and hospitals as well as pre-determined 'terrorist harbors' - and they are still running after apparently very specific people that they cannot seem to find.

Which makes me think of two things... first: while they're at it, maybe they should keep an eye out for Osama Bin Laden...

Also... we should change the rules for cases like these to prevent ''accidental genocides'' as collateral damage, something along the lines of asking the invading/attacking country for a prelimiray list of suspects they intend to capture or ''accidentally'' kill, with a secondary list of perhaps a dozen more 'bonus' targets that they don't know names of but have a vague task description of what they do and how they could be a threat to your country and have it all be U.N.-approved - then they could be allowed a 10-to-15% margin of error on the total amount of kills; if they go over it, too bad, be more precise next time, and you're booted out of the country for at least 3 years.

I don't know. But they have to find a way to keep civilians out of it; it should be the goal of the 21st Century, to keep civilians out of wars. And leaders who order wars should be obligated to be right behind the front lines, too, like the leaders of old (Napoleon, good to remember you), and take direct responsibility for their stupid decisions.

Another thing: I went to a rally/march/protest last Sunday to show solidarity for the people of Gaza and Palestinians in general but quickly left it because it was getting too heavy, too intense. I was enjoying some of the metaphores used both vocally and on posters, such as ''You Can't Fight Terrorism With Terrorism'', but it seemed that for every street corner we were passing, the discourse was becoming more and more direct, violent, racist; going from ''Israeli Terrorists, Stephen Harper Accomplice'' to ''Jews Are Terrorists'' was not going to help anything, and I jumped ship right away.

We're in 2009 according to the Gregorian calendar. We have 5000 years of evolution, at least, from living to 25 years old, naked, hunting for our food, and having no manners. Women are treated as equals in most places, we're working on racism, we can write and count and invent things. We're also bordering on being too many, we can't even feed everyone decently, but at least we cry when we see starving children on TV.

And we're still fighting over the tiniest piece of fucking land that an imaginary being in the sky promised to two peoples. Take a quarter, have a draw; best of three. ''Winner'' gets to stay put in the desert. ''Loser'' gets Labrador, tons of readily available water and usable soil, a view of the ocean, and free winter jackets - decent compensation for losing God's gift.

We're all going to die anyway. There should be no fucking reason to make it quicker for some on purpose.