All Bankers Are Vampires

Bankers. These fuckers lie so much for a living, they make lawyers seem righteous. They walk crooked with their legs forming an ellipse because they are genetically incapable of doing anything that has to do with either definition of the word ''right''. It becomes problematic when they get into their cars, because doing nothing but left turns empowers them, makes them feel like NASCAR drivers, and so they speed in school districts and buy off the cops when the time comes for tickets or prison time.

They only work half days, close shop at 3, because they don't want anybody with a job near a computer or a camera to know what's going on inside their establishments, while they bleed their customers dry and suck out their life force. Literally. And that's the point of this whole thing - they are modern-day vampires, only instead of looking like Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, they are decrepit bald men that only come out after sunset. They let the barely younger overweight mothers of five to deal directly with customers as long as they can sustain paying for the bank's front, but as soon as their accounts are dry, they are taken to the back room where they're hung at the ceiling by their heads and their blood sucked from above through metal straws by the bankers on the floor above them.

It is a savage sight to see, and they figured I was too overweight to run away, but they didn't count on my brute force to knock them out one by one and find my way back home to expose their dirty little secret. But it's not really a secret, is it? It's just that the metaphors we used are, in fact, not images but the actual truth of what happens behind the appearances of legitimate business.

Retribution is a word they only understand during tax season. But we're smack-dab right in the middle of it, aren't we? The vultures need to maintain the erection tax season gives them... they need fresh blood. They'll get restless and reckless soon enough.