Chew Through Pain

Apparently, getting a tattoo removed is so painful you need a mouthguard to chew on to deter from the pain. Well, Megan Fox does, anyway.

Then again, I suspect she also has to find a way to numb the pain of being married to Beverly Hills, 90210 alumni and ''DJ'' Brian Austin Green...

Bale Bat No More

News from late November: Christian Bale will no longer try to make us believe he can be convincing as a superhero, as he will don the Bat-cape for the last time in next summer's The Dark Knight Rises.

Don't get me wrong: the first two Bale-Christopher Nolan batflicks were very good, well written, well directed, decently acted, superbly filmed. But there is no way in fucking hell Bale, as Bruce Wayne, was credible as the world's best-looking billionaire playboy (Brad Pitt would probably have been a much better choice), and growling like an out-of-breath pedophile while crouching does not a scary avenger make.

Just sayin'.

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun And Fight

From one embarrassing football moment to another...

As the Lingerie Football League (oh yes, what started as a Super Bowl promo stunt has actually turned into a cash cow...) Philadelphia Passion (urgh) beat the Toronto Triumph (yes, like the Insult Comic Dog...) 74-0 playing by the rules, they also beat them outside the rules. Physically. As in: ''fight''.



Girls fighting in lingerie... and helmets. Lose the helmets, throw in a few pillows perhaps?

Sideline Peeing

I've been sitting on this for almost a month, a bit 'cause I've been busy, a bit 'cause I've been sick/injured, but mostly because shit came up and it got lost in the shuffle.

But the important thing is I'm finally talking about Nick Novak of the NFL's San Diego Chargers' sideline urination. And letting you watch, because you're perverts. Then again, there's no privacy in a 60,000-capacity stadium filled with TV cameras.

Video Of The Week: Soul Asylum

In the late-80s and early 90s (until 1993), one band was hailed as the best live band in America: Soul Asylum.

Their breakthrough album, Grave Dancers Union, spawned such hits as Runaway Train and Black Gold, but I've always favoured Somebody To Shove as its breakthrough track, because it rocks, sure, but also because the beginning-and-ending riff is just so memorable.

I'm also a sucker for shivering-like-a-heroin-addict lead singers - until 1993. When Alanis Morrissette got in on the trend, she killed it.

Dr. Seb's Tips For The Sexually Inclined

The thing with open relationships is both sides absolutely have to know what they're getting into - and be fine with it - because things will inevitably turn sour if they don't.

For starters, in a heterosexual relationship, the female will almost invariably end up being the one with the most opportunities to get laid; the guy has to be ready to not be able to go one-for-one on all fuckinghoodness. Any feelings of jealousy will fuck your shit up beyond repair.

Also, a trap many fall into - including one couple I follow through the internets - is that each spouse came up with a girlfriend or boyfriend of their own, thus each falling into another 'actual' relationship. This spells DANGER on so many fucking levels, because through time, feelings will emerge and the possibility of having deeper feelings for the newest person in your life instead of your life-long partner exists... and Murphy's Law will do its best to insert itself in your love triangle, one way or another. Hearts will break, whether they be in your preceding couple or the newer one. With 4 humans involved, one, two or three will end up dissatisfied - it's inevitable.

Not all humans can separate sex and emotions. For every couple that has stuck to its animalistic roots, a hundred have evolved into sedentary, building-a-home territory.

Video Of The Week: Obie Trice

Sure, Hip Hop as a medium, an art form, evolves almost daily - and this song dates back from 2003, lifetimes ago. But this Eminem protégé's biggest hit won't get out of my head - and it's been over a week. It's got to say something about Obie Trice's endearing humour...

But as he so eloquently puts it himself... ''ya gotta have teeth, baby... it just wouldn't look right... me, big lips, you no teeth... it wouldn't work''.

Lil' Kim Jong-Il

Because people are stupid. Because Google is too hard to use before tweeting.

In case you don't know what I'm referring to: thousands of fucking tweeters wrote R.I.P. Lil' Kim messages when North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il died.

My faith in mankind has now officially run out.

Cocaine Babies (Revisited)

It was already a fact that most currency (dollar bills, not so much small change) contains trace amounts of cocaine. Many studies confirm it, many times over.

Now, we learn that British public baby changing tables are also full of them, whether they be in malls, restaurants, hospitals, churches, even... police stations.

Ah, yes. Either the ''so close they won't see it'' theory, or the ''they're all corrupt'' point of view. Still, it sure takes a fucking cokehead to use a babies' changing table instead of the side of a sink, or a hooker's tits.

Best comment so far?

I cut off the middleman and snort it directly on the baby.

(In)coherent Thoughts

I don't make mistakes, I make bad decisions.

I can't live on regretting the past, dwelling on it... life is a line that's always moving forward. Whether you like it or not, want to or not, are on it or not. Its escalator never breaks down, though you might.

Actually, you likely will. People do, they break, they crack; sometimes they don't see the next day come to pass.

As a species, we've been on the planet for thousands of years. As individuals, it is unrealistic to even entertain the thought that the 30-100 years we'll be on the planet will affect anyone but our measely little selves. Think about it: every loss, every death, every heartbreak: all gotten over, over time - and days, weeks or years can go by without the mere thought of them entering your mind.

Sure, we should all enjoy our lives as much as we can. Just because it/we don't mean anything in the Grand Scheme of things doesn't mean we should suffer throughout our existence. But as long as we will feel the need to get close to other humans, pain will be felt.

But pain leads to drinking, and drinking leads to new acquaintances. Circle of Life, and all, and all's well that ends well. When it ends. Well...

R.I.P. Vaclav Havel

Vaclav Havel was a poet, playwright, writer and cultural leader in Czechoslovakia; eventually, as a respected and known dissident, he became a political figure as the regime changed. He was the tenth and last President of Czecholslovakia, during which time Slovakia seceded from the Czech Republic - a move he thoroughly opposed - and became, de facto, the first President of the Czech Republic.

He is vastly considered the leader of the Velvet Revolution, which turned Czechoslovakia from a U.S.S.R.-led-and-owned one-party Stalinist state to a multi-party democracy without the use of physical or military violence.

He died today, at age 75, in his sleep. His health had been an issue since the days where he had been imprisoned by the Communist Party for his writings and ideas, which spoke of a Czech identity, freedom and liberty, and the right to independence.

Video Of The Week: Atari Teenage Riot

Atari Teenage Riot is one of the most important musical acts out there. Not only are they involved politically - in the case of this video, supporting Wikileaks and actually raising money for the site - but I once left my apartment at 6AM with their Burn Berlin Burn CD on repeat to annoy my downstairs neighbour who'd be incredibly loud until ungodly hours... and when I got back home, he was moving out.

A Christmas Miracle, if you will.

The Case For Medical Marijuana

I haven't gone through the whole thing yet, but The Montréal Gazette is offering a 17-part/story look on the good, the bad, and the hidden about medical marijuana.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Every Size Fits All

Slowly but surely, ''normalty'' is making its way into the fashion world and women's magazines.

Reminds me of the Lizzie Miller story...

The Best Radio Interview Ever?

I'll make it simple. Quoted from Yahoo! Sports:

In Monday's What We Learned, Ryan Lambert ripped apart a column by John Steigerwald, columnist for Washington (Pa.) Observer-Reporter that attempted to link Alex Ovechkin of the Washington Capitals to steroids. Among the lapses in fact: Steigerwald connected Ovechkin to a doctor that "treated Tiger Woods" that actually has no connection to Ovechkin.

Listen to it here.

This Is Either The Beginning Or The End Of A Beautiful Story

What do 11 years get you?

Probably more good times than you can count on one hand. Hopefully.

But also, inevitably, disappointment. Lies, deceit. Betrayal.

People. Most of whom disappear eventually.

In the immortal words of Andy Wood: ''Time spent laying by her side / And dreams like this must die''.

New beginnings must start with honesty. It's imperative that the foundations be solid, so that the structure built upon it may be stable. A chapter ends and a new one begins - hopefully.

Let's see who makes it to the sequel.

As of now, I have no friends who fit in the categories of ''friends since the 20th century'' and ''whom I have seen more than 20 times in the past 5 years''.

Time to start anew.

Video Of The (Past) Week: P!nk

It seems most of the popular songs these days are about drinking and partying... where is our youth headed?

William Burroughs and Charles Bukowski had it right: drinking isn't for partying, it's to drown your pain in tears and regretful sex with someone you wouldn't talk to in the daylight...

But among the party/drink songs, one stands a bit above the crop of fucking Ke$has and Rihannas - and that's P!nk, because her videos have humour, self-deprecation, and references to Pop Culture - it even starts with a tribute to a WWII poster, for crying out loud!

So, yeah. P!nk's my Video Of The Week:




As for me, winter's pretty much upon us, so, yeah, I'm drinking. To warm up.

Speaking Of Cheerleading...

It seems like just yesterday I was writing about cheerleaders, saying I considered them athletes and all. Wait, it was.

Well, athletes get injured, and one of them surely did:




She's ok, though, in stable condition. I wish her the best, both in her recovery and future endeavours.

Goodbye Movember

It was good while it lasted.

Especially for this guy:

December/winter/depression starts in 5 minutes...

On A Lighter Note... Cheerleaders.

CNBC compiled a list of what they consider to be the NFL's 10 ''Best Cheerleading Squads'', only they chose to celebrate those with the largest sponsorship deals and biggest internet presence (and availability of pictures on their websites) rather than the (more obvious) most talented or best-looking...

And yet they use the classic ''slide'' presentation to list them, with pictures of the girls in less-than-businesslike positions, such as this one:

I, for one, do consider these women athletes as well as entertainers. But I don't hide behind some fake-economic calculus to rate them: can they jump? How dynamic are they? Nice team colours and an inventive - and hopefully classy - way to wear them? Are they internationally renowned and respected? How diverse are their routines? You know: the basics.

Let us all remember that if economics were always right, the New York Rangers would be the best hockey team, the Backstreet Boys would be the best band ever, and Madonna would matter.

Guns And Santa

The Holidays are fast approaching, and many cultures are going to celebrate them in their own ways, whether it's Hanukkah, the birth of Christ, or just Santa Claus bring presents.

Presents, and guns.

Heavy fucking guns, at that.

Basically, it's an Arizona gun club (the Scottsdale Gun Club, to be precise) who is offering ''children and families'' (uh huh) the chance to pose with Santa and heavy artillery.

The gun club's general manager, Ron Kennedy, had this to say:

Our customers have been looking for a fun and safe way to express their holiday spirit and passion for firearms.

They use these as Christmas cards and Facebook profile pictures - of course!

State Representative Steve Farley had this to retort, in protest:

To involve machine guns and Santa in a celebration in the birth of Jesus Christ is the worst kind of heresy I can imagine. I would suggest that the people who created this read some of the New Testament.

Because the Bible is shock-full of guns, of course. Probably in the same chapters where homosexuality and abortion are referred to.

Eitehr this is a ''the only way to deal with stupid people is with stupidity'' moment, or it's one for the ages for the ''why Humans will soon be extinct'' file.

Sigh.

R.I.P. Patrice O'Neal

After suffering a stroke in October, stand-up comedian Patrice O'Neal died today, succombing to a long, hard struggle with diabetes.

I last saw him in The Comedy Central Roast Of Charlie Sheen, and he alluded briefly to his disease, but I didn't think it was that serious.

I need to get tested. Soon.

Did you know that in Canada, 25% of diabetics are unaware they even have it?

Someone Please Explain To Me...

Who the fuck is Courtney Stodden? And why does it matter what she wears?

I should have left it alone, I really should have... but here is what I've learned through 5 seconds of Google:

Alright. So she’s a 17 year-old aspiring model/actress/singer. Like so many others.

Except she’s been married to small-time actor Doug Hutchison (small roles in The Green Mile and 24, played ''plane door opener'' in the 2000 remake of Shaft…), who is 51. since she was 16. Uh-huh, yeah: gross.

But the dude has morals: he refused to play in a movie that would cast him as a director who starts banging his underage actress in The Genesis Of Lincoln. Classy move, no?

But at least Courtney looks 37.

Still, a nobody actor and a nobody actress walk down a street, and people are focusing on what they’re wearing? Why? Who gives a fuck? And why does it make it onto the fucking news?

Where is this world headed, and how can we make the extinction of mankind happen any faster?

R.I.P. Ken Russell

It was bound to happen some day...

British film director Ken Russell - who brought us such movies as Tommy (1975), Whore (1991) and Women In Love (1969) - has indeed passed away, at age 84.

He was often under-rated because while he aimed for a rather intellectual cinema, he had an obsession with displaying vivid, crude sex scenes, many of them of the homosexual persuasion or featuring religious figures (nuns, for one).

But a storyteller is a storyteller, and he was a good one.

When Bad Cops Become Oh So Good.

His name is John Pike. He is a lieutenant in the UC Davis police force in Oakland.

He is now a web meme.

Demi Moore Is Single Again

It's true, the talented beauty is getting a divorce.

Ah, Demi Moore. One of my childhood fantasies. Who knew I had a better shot when I was a child? (I kid, I kid)

Video Of The Week: The Ting Tings

We are in the age of studio bands and computer-made music - and I don't mean in the Motown or Kraftwerk variety, either. Even the crappy acts are catchy as hell, and it's hard to make your mind up about what is good and what isn't, except to go with your gut and look for what feels real.

And I don't profess to know where to put The Ting Tings in the grand scheme of things, either, but I've had this song in my head all day and, thus, plan on infecting you as well.

A British, studio-born ''band'' of two - Katie White and Jules de Martino - both multi-intrumentalists, at least - are a singles-led act, primarily. Indeed, they released 3 singles before their debut album was even finished, including this massive hit song from May 28th, 2007; it would make it to the top (yes, #1) of the U.K. charts on May 18th... 2008. The album itself, We Started Nothing, was released on May 16th, 2008. They have already released two singles (Hands in 2010 and Hang It Up in 2011) for a record that may come out in 2012.

Best Movie Poster Ever?

 Certainly the busiest. And the one with the most 1980s action stars on it.

Could use some Ving Rhames, Timothy Dalton, Samuel L. Jackson, George Clooney and Milla Jovovich, for some 90s feel (and some Kiefer Sutherland and Matt Damon for a 00s touch), but, uh, on a budget, a schedule and a plot - hopefully - it is quite the feat.

Happy Thanksgiving

                                               (thanks to Yan Basque for the picture)


... if that's how you say it. Sounds weird to be all giddy about giving thanks and being grateful.

But enjoy the turkey, my American friends.

Will Kat Dennings Save TV?

Talk about putting pressure on yourself...

The wonderful Kat Dennings, now starring in the TV sitcom 2 Broke Girls, claims:

The show's not just a ha-ha machine. I grew up watching The Golden Girls, The Nanny – I want to bring the sitcom back.

Big words for such a reclusive young girl. Then again, she's not that reclusive. But at 25, we won't hold any of that against her.

And in an era when many decent TV shows such as Pan Am and Parks & Recreation are probably doomed to disappear because dumb TV execs don't factor in TiVo recordings nor DVD/Blu-ray sales when counting a series' viewership, audience numbers are seemingly stalling.

But as fine shows such as Arrested Development and My Name Is Earl have shown, network bosses have no idea how today's fans react and how passionate they can be. I hope 2 Broke Girls finds its niche.

I, For One, Could Never Pay That Fine

The Samoa rugby team manager Tuala Matthew Vaea - infamous for his borderline-tolerable behaviour - was fined for his antics during the last World Cup:

100 pigs.

I wonder if he already owns them or if he'll have to purchase them, then hand them away.

The Popularity Of Congress

At three times less than fuckin' Richard Nixon during Watergate and fucking banks; twice lower than BP during the oil spill (!) and Paris Hilton (!!); tied with Hugo Chavez and 4 percentage points ahead of Fidel Castro (further proof that Americans know nothing about international politics...), Congress has never been less popular.

Good.

Oklahoma State And The Number 10 (R.I.P.)

10 months after Oklahoma State commemorated the 10-year anniversary of a plane crash that killed 10 men associated with the school's men's basketball program, another plane crash killed its women's team's head coach Kurt Budke and assistant coach Miranda Serna.

I'd say the irony is killing me, but I'm not going to tempt Fate on this one.

United Colours Of Irrelevance

Ooh, man-on-man love. How daring, risqué, original, fun.

Ooh, religious leaders - and definitely not religious icons.

Ooh, a brand that hasn't mattered in 20 years.

There's a reason why it took me two days to report on it: I truly, honestly didn't give a fuck about it. But it seems the internet isn't quick enough, and some people still hadn't seen it. You're welcome.

Now, on to more important stuff.

Small-Town Problems

You know you live in a small town when this kind of story makes the news...

I'd go if not for the fact that I know nothing of pianos.

The Penn State Affair

In the football-and-pedophelia scandal I mentioned last week, like in most major cases nowadays, prosecutors went public with their evidence, in an obvious attempt to sway public opinioon - as if they even needed to.

Sports Illustrated gives us an inside look with an in-depth 3-page report on the matter that leaves chills in your spine. Well, mine anyway.

Video Of The Week: Priestess

Priestess was formed in 2003 when Mikey Heppner's bandmates in The Dropouts left for New York to form The Stills, a move that was probably best for all, as The Stills may have been a little too quiet for Heppner's tastes - as proven by his current side-project, the amazing Uncle Bad Touch.

The riffage provided by guitarist Dan Watchorn and bassist Mike Dyball, as well as the pounding from drummer Vince Nudo provide a unique sound-space even in the stoner-rock genre where Heppner can flex his songwriting skills to levels of experimentation where his former band couldn't - and we're all the happier for it.

It's funny that it took an international release and a Guitar Hero game for them to get the hometown respect they deserve, but at least they're there now. Apparently, work has started on their third record; if it came out in 2012, it would follow the band's pattern of releasing a new album every three years, after Hello Master (2006) and Prior To The Fire (2009).

Blast From The Past: jraff's Poster For Raw Madonna's UnPop 2010 Show

Just happened to fall on jraff's blog page showing off his amazing UnPop 2010 poster:

 I am blessed to have so many generous, talented friends. Truly.

Off To See The Rum Diary

''That’s gibberish!'', I said, when the woman asked me for ten bucks in exchange for some gelatin candy.

But I paid anyway. I needed the sweets to bring to the movie theatre, where I’m finally set to watch The Rum Diary tonight, after six unsuccessful tries/dates.

I’ve been waiting for years to see this fucking film, before the book was even fucking released – Hunter S. Thompson had been writing about it for years, having tried to have it published since the 1960s.

And who better to play Thompson’s alter ego (he’s never referred to by his own name in any of his books, a trick Charles Bukowski was also very fond of) than fucking Johnny Depp, who did a bang-up job in Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas?

Rum is where the journalistic story starts, in Puerto Rico. Constant drinking, before the drug use. I’m off. Wish me luck.


edit: here's what I'm talking about:

Video Of The (Past) Week: Soul Coughing

This one's a little unusual: Soul Coughing are one of my all-time favourite bands... but also one I always forget about. I forget to mention them when I list my favourite bands, sure, but I also always to forget to just listen to them.

To make matters worse, they don't have their own YouTube channel, so the one time I remember to mention them on here, I can't get an official video with decent sound. So crank up your speakers and enjoy this jazz/indie-rock hybrid in... one of their least hybrid songs. Oh well!

Career-Altering Mistakes

It had been a while since a page from Cracked.com made me laugh this much.

Here, they list 5 film celebs who have made dramatic mistakes that have forever altered their careers. I agree with just about everything - except omitting Delirious in Eddie Murphy's credits.

Everyone Likes A Good Yarn

Les Ville-Laines are a group of like-minded ladies who practice the art of yarnbombing - public knitting followed by displaying their creations on public property.

Yesterday, they did so at Viger Square, a place many homeless people call home. They also brought them blankets.

My friend Eli Larin, photographer, documented the event.

Choices

I’m so fucking tired today. Merely in the afternoon and it feels like 1 AM.

Fatigue and drowsiness remain despite all the caffeine drinks.

And I’m made all the more tired by the woman sharing my office for the day, who just talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks.

She will not shut up as long as she’s alive.

And it’s taking all my energy to ignore her and keep concentrating on what I have to do.

Ninth floor. Steep fall.

Choices.

Cabbage Patch Steven Tyler

When artists get their own dolls, it usually means they're having the honour of having Todd McFarlane making one of his hyper-realistic toys.

Not Steven Tyler.

He's going to be... a fucking Cabbage Patch Kid:

If, like me, you have trouble identifying him, he's the one... in the middle. The white-trash prostitute with the brown hair and blonde streaks dressed like Elvis-meets-cowboy. Wow.

The Ever-Quotable Lou Reed

Remember when Lou Reed said his album with Metallica was the best thing ever created? It turns out most people don't agree; some actually feel it's the worst thing ever made. My favourite quote is from a user named lainso:

It made me want to illegally download it, then not listen to it.

Some Metallica fans want to go even further: Reed was told a few of them wanted to kill him:

[They] are threatening to shoot me, and that’s only because I showed up,” Reed said. “They haven’t even heard the record yet, and they’re recommending various forms of torture and death.

Then again, while Rolling Stone gave the record 3/5 stars, their readers gave it a 1; NME went as far as giving it a 7/10; but most sites seem to agree with the line of thought displayed by Pitchfork: 1/10.

Daniel Snyder from The Atlantic even longs for the days when Metallica was at its best merely selling out. Ouch.

Looks like Reed made another Metal Machine Music - only this time, it wasn't intentionally unlistenable.

By the way, I give it a 3/10, myself. And I loved Metal Machine Music.

R.I.P. Heavy D

Barely a month after performing the closing song at the BET Awards, Heavy D - a 1980s and early 1990s rap icon - died in a Los Angeles-area hospital after passing out, then re-awakening on the sidewalk near his home.

He was 44.

A hip hop hitmaker ('Now That We Found Love' should ring a bell), he had also had a small role in Eddie Murphy's current movie flop, The Tower Heist.

Bad Music Will Kill Your Mojo

I often post about how bad music is detrimental to society - more than any other art and, in the Western world, more than perhaps even politics and the environment. I even did so just a few days ago.

Indeed, to some extent Nickelback is as bad as a right-wing religious zealot, although they do seem to cancel each other out, as while the latter does its best to deter abortions, the former is a deterrent to making babies, as is proven in this study.

The poodle-haired frontman and his douchebag-looking cronies partners employees (see picture above) seem to strike a mighty chord on all fronts - love 'em or hate 'em, I guess.

Guess which side I'm on? I'd rather not get laid for a year than fuck one of their record-purchasing, concert-attending fans. I think.

Who else are people turned off by? Allow me to quote the article:

What other musicians and bands did the poll reveal are likely to make a potential amour shake, rattle and roll right out the door on the first date? In order of their horror-inducing power: Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, Ke$ha, Coldplay, U2, Creed, Katy Perry, Lil Wayne and Britney Spears.

I totally agree with the first 4, and would put Creed above and beyond even Nickelback, but while I don't listen to the other 4 (U2, Perry, Wayne and Spears), I think putting them in here is a tad exaggerated.
I'd put Maroon 5 in there, for sure, way ahead of them, perhaps with Bush and Linkin Park.

How To Abuse Trust. And Children.

Yet another proof that there's often a treacherous, filthy reason behind Conservatives - particularly Republican-voting or -inspired - ''helping out'' or passing ridiculous, over-reaching laws: a former Penn State football coach Jerry Sandusky is accused of raping 8 boys between 1994 and 2009, through his charity for ''at risk'' kids The Second Mile.

The ''beauty'' of raping an ''at risk'' kid is that if it all goes to shit and only this kid goes to the authorities, it can be wiped under the rug, as the ''troubled teen'' is up against the ''respected elder gentleman'' in a battle over whose word is to be believed. The pervert usually wins.

But when it comes to 8, and no one took the allegations seriously enough to investigate deeper, all involved in the cover-up get treated the same way as the pedophile. And rightly so. And then it goes to court, and it's Hell to pay.

Which means one bad apple can ruin all of his victims' lives, his family (say, if he's married with kids of his own), and the lives and careers of those who stood up for and defended him. That's a lot to fucking answer for. Don't these selfish fucking scumbags realize they're ruining everybody's fucking lives?

I keep telling myself Sandusky is innocent until proven guilty. But when he is found guilty, I'll find myself wishing he'll be locked up with other sexual abusers, and maybe they can help each other out, either by sorting their issues through council - or, perhaps more probably, by fucking each other to death.

But these stories are becoming routine, which in turn makes me doubt the motivations behind everyone's moves in Society, question their honesty, their integrity, look for a dark, hidden meaning behind the appearance of a good deed. And that's not even getting into those in a similar position of power (politics, religion) who use ideology to cleanse the world of what they publicly call ''sinners'' when they, themselves, are far worse than what they aim to outlaw.

Call me cynical, but I'm starting to believe I'm the only one human being who isn't broken, morally. I know that, technically, good people can do bad things and vice versa, that, in general, We Are The 99% That Aren't Too Fucked In The Head. I just fail to see it in Life.

Yoga And Mark Driscoll

I came across a funny blog today called Def Shepherd; it seems to be mainly about religion - or anti-religious. Or something.

I particularly like this post about Mark Driscoll, the idiot pastor who said ''masturbation is homosexuality'', to which I replied, in my Facebook status that day, ''I guess I am pretty much gay for myself''. I know, not my best line, but still...

This time, Driscoll claims ''yoga is demonic''...

If there is a God, I predict He/She/It will have a pretty good laugh at Driscoll's expense when he makes it to the heavenly gates, right before kicking his sorry ass all the way to purgatory. - or wherever fucking idiots are sent.

Say 'No' To Nickelback

Ah, Nickleback.

The Canadian band led by poodle-haired and cowboy-legged frontman Chad Kroeger, which has had up to three Kroegers at once in the band, which Billboard claimed was the band of the 00s for album sales over 50 million - 10 million more than U2, its runner-up - is universally hated more than it is loved. That is a fact, albeit one known only to those who pay attention - and people with ears.

I understand how money-hungry companies might think having a 50 million record-selling band play at their half-time might seem like a good idea - we're talking U2 numbers, Madonna numbers, Metallica numbers, Mariah Carey numbers. Huge fucking numbers.

But none of the afore-mentioned acts have as many haters as the poorly-named Alberta bland band who sound like they combined the worst elements of Metallica and Soundgarden and turned it into an over-compressed pile of dog shit fit for ads about cheap trucks (''Someday''), or old people homes (''How You Remind Me'').

Which brings me to this: after an open letter to NHL commissioner Gary Bettman begging to not have Nickelback play a show celebrating the return of the Winnipeg Jets, football fans have launched a petition to have the Detroit Lions rescind their invitation to have the band play their half-time show on Thanksgiving Day.

I hope they win.

Texas Justice

Have you heard of Texas judge William Adams?

His job, at times, require he pass judgement on cases in which adults abuse minors, be it physically, sexually or morally. But as is often the case with hardcore Conservatives, in the confines of his own fucking home, Judge Adams beats his own kid. A girl, named Hillary Adams.

Here he is beating her 17 times with a fucking belt, seven years ago - Hillary was 16. It wasn't the first nor last time, but she did film it secretly. Warning: these are troubling fucking images.



That, my friends, was her punishment... for illegally downloading music on the internet.

I said it before and I'll probably have to say it again, but people in a position of authority in our society should be punished twice as long for having been hypocrites when they, themselves, do what they set out to eliminate.

On the other hand, Texas is known for having no remorse when giving retarded teenagers the death penalty; this retarded man is lookin' for a hangin'.

Video Of The Week: Laura Branigan

Although many people know her mainly for 1982's Gloria, a cover of an Italian song by Umberto Tozzi (not the Patti Smith song) whose 36-week reign on the charts made it part of all best-of compilations for both 1982 and 1983, I strongly prefer Laura Branigan's Self Control, her 1984 smash.

She was also featured on the soundtracks of both Flashdance and Ghostbusters, sealing her fate as one of the 1980s' most popular solo artists, alongside Samantha Fox, Madonna, Prince and Michael Jackson. The 1990s, however, weren't kind to her, starting with her version of the song Unison, released the same year by Céline Dion as her English-language debut - guess who got more media exposure with it?

Branigan died in her home in 2004, the result of an untreated brain aneurysm.

What  I like about this song, perhaps even more than the fact that it's beyond catchy is its construction - take, for instance, the ''oh, oh, oh'' part, at first a bridge onto itself in the song, then incorporated into the backing part of the chorus, and perhaps the song's most memorable part to boot.

Occupying Montréal

My friend, professional poker player and photographer Jamie Klinger is quoted in this short report about the Occupy Movement's Montréal demonstration.

These people seem like they're in it for the long haul. Winter's fast approaching, I don't think I have their courage.

Yet Another Hazing Story

The more kids change, the more they stay stupid.

Hazing rituals have been a staple of team sports since, well, pretty much the dawn of time. Through human history, rites of passage and initiations often paved the way as a celebration or challenge as someone changed levels at something, be it age, social rank or whatever.

But get guys together, get them drunk, and their inner rapist comes out full throttle - which kind of explains why most of these end up with cocks and balls and assholes getting defiled in one manner or another - and even the third most prestigious university in the world isn't immune to it.

This time, a minor hockey team in butt-fuck Manitoba (pardon the pun) decided it would be funny to attach water bottles to kids' scrotums. 16 players were suspended - you need 20 to play a game, and most teams have rosters of up to 23 players, with healthy scratches.

But what happens when the suspended players return? No one thought they'd be pissed off for missing games which will lead to more shit going on inside the locker room?

I was never hazed in sports because as my team's starting goalie in hockey, they couldn't afford to have me undress between two periods, submit to the ordeal and perhaps miss a few minutes of playing time - as most hazing occured during tournaments in other cities, when most parents didn't make the trip. I did witness a few, and did intervene a couple of times (a six-foot, 200-pound teen can have that kind of clout), including when guys tried to have a girl on our team (Sophie, how I wonder what you're up to these days!) be subjected to something outrageous.

In football, making the team at season's end as a 9th grader, it was assumed I would also be on the team the following season, so they just held off for later, but because my coaches implicitly told me I needed to gain weight through steroid use during the off-season - which was not only contrary to my beliefs but a no-no for my hockey career, in which I represented my country and/or province on many occasions and therefore had to get tested regularly - I just quit and never showed up for training camp in Grade 10.

So while I personally avoided it, I have always been aware it existed - and always thought it was stupid, immature and at times dangerous.

What usually happened was the older guys hazed the younger kids for revenge, making their plight worse than what had happened the year before.

And each year it snowballs, to the point where broom sticks get shoved up peoples' asses and high-priced coaches lose their jobs. And NO ONE is the better for it.

No Limits

There's an ice cream shop a block from my place. And I was walking past it, on the other side of the street, but I was blinded by its flickering lights.

And I was surprised they made it to the other side, and caught myself thinking ''is this legal?''

And I was shocked that I thought it, then told myself ''it damn well better be''.

Dirty Old Dive Bar

One step in the poorly-lit bar and it already reeks of their sex. The walls are icky, slimy as snot but a translucent grey, like dying fish had been glued to it and never quite died but the stench intensified.

And I wouldn't mind it at all if it weren't for the vein in my left hand begging for the chance to rip my skin open and explode - I couldn't bear contracting the infection of dead cum without having at least fucked a 6 or a 7. Or a trashy 19-year old.

I keep wondering about the shit that goes on in there when I'm not around, seeing as they usually devolve pretty quickly even in my presence. And the shitty music never helps, either, fucking cock-rock classics of the 80s, country-rock classics of the 70s, nothing modern, nothing new - a fit representation of its patrons, who never would have seen the past 20 years if it weren't for the invention of penicillin.

Drunk fucking zombies on their automated poker machines, barely pausing for cigarette breaks, drinking 3% beer 'cause it's a dollar cheaper than the regular-strength stuff that, oddly enough, also tastes like stale piss.

This is the minor leagues of daytime drinking, populated with a few youngsters, sure, but mostly should-be-retired-by-suicide dreamers holding on to the last parcel of their youth, with memories of that one day in their life where it didn't rain shit on their heads, where maybe the right whore was a decent enough actress to make them believe in Love for even a second, their first used car, the first time seeing a plane in the sky, playing with a dog, or that first welfare check that seemed like so much money.

These dreams aren't broken, they're rusted, mouldy, holding on for their fucking life with fucking duct tape - but they're still there, alive. Working. Well enough to get from point A to point D in a haze, barely flipping over a few tables, perhaps with a black eye or two, but fucking standing.

And that's why the dried-up beer, the vomit, the blood - some of it clearly menstrual - and the cum add layer upon layer of goo on the tables, floors and walls, and why we all keep coming back. Hope.

Video Of The Week: Queens Of The Stone Age

Ah, Queens Of The Stone Age. They're the band I've been listening to the most lately, and I'm probably going to be playing this song at my next show, November 3rd, at Piranha Bar (pardon the plug).

Sure, I've made them Video Of The Week before, but who cares? Good music is good music, and theirs is great. Plus this song features Dave Grohl on drums - not just in the video, but also on the original recording. And lest we forget, Grohl, like bandleader Josh Homme, is also a drummer who is a singer-guitarist in another band (Homme plays drums for the Eagles Of Death Metal, and I'm sure you've heard of Grohl's Foo Fighters).

Speaking Of The ''Occupy'' Movement...

Either someone at Fox is going to lose their job for making ''those lefties'' look legitimate, or they'll find a way to make this about how the Republicans aren't out to screw people and will listen to their grievances.

Diddley Squat

Seems a little messed up that Elias McDaniel - Bo Diddley's son - was arrested in the Gainesville, Florida plaza that bears his father's name, just for supporting his local Occupy Movement ''chapter''.

Bill Maher And ''Occupy DC''

Love Bill Maher.

He should release all seasons of Real Time on DVD.

A Sad Day...

Tattooed Barbie 2011

Some moms have so little to do, they keep complaining about futile things, like Tattooed Barbie 2011 - there was a similar case in 2009.

I always wonder about those parents - with so many Letters To The Editor to write, Tea Party protests to attend, TV shows to scutinize and rap and rock musicians to try to ban from the airwaves and arenas, it's a wonder how they have time to even look at their children a few times a day, let alone look after them.

It's why this blog post touched my heart. Key quote:

Secondly, let's get real for a minute: Barbie has always dressed like a $5 hooker. (...)

I'm sorry, but when did tattoos become a symbol of immorality?

And when did we start taking toys so damn seriously?

NHL Goalies' Looks For 2011-12

If you check my collectibles blog once in a while, you'll notice I have a thing for (hockey) goalies. Sure, I used to be one, but I also think many of them look like the modern version of a Middle Ages warrior - and some, like Chris Mason of the Winnipeg Jets - pictured above - make their shitty team's jerseys look really cool with the right gear - and Brian's is always the right gear.

ESPN and Uni Watch have compiled a list of all the NHL's current goalies' gear a couple of weeks into the season.

Moammar Qaddafi Is Dead

I particularly like this analysis of blogger Andrew Sullivan:

To rid the world of Osama bin Laden, Anwar al-Awlaki and Moammar Qaddafi within six months: if Obama were a Republican, he'd be on Mount Rushmore by now.

Video Of The Week: Chix N' Dix

Chix N' Dix is a terrific Montréal punk band who recently released their first full-length, Zebras In Reverse.

From Kryztera Oi!'s smart lyrics and energetic delivery to Jessica Kaye's reserved guitar virtuosity (the Chix) and a rhythm section comprised of bass player Kyle O'Shea and drummer Tomass Durdon (the Dix) who are smart enough to play frenetically while giving their charismatic female counterparts center stage, the band has often won over crowds of better-established bands by their sheer passion and delivery.

Each year, their hundreds of internet-savvy friends vote them near the top of the Montreal Mirror's list of best bands, giving them an added visibility I hope they will enjoy soon.

In this video, CND are seen traveling (and playing) amidst Montréal's subway system (''metro''), spending perhaps more time at the Crémazie and Lionel-Groulx stations than is advisable for health reasons, but rocking out all the same. I particularly enjoyed the scene where they are filmed in the up-and-down escalators and the time where the train stops at a station and the people there decide to walk into another wagon rather than be subjected to the band - feels real.

And finally, I would be remiss if I didn't mention Kaye being an important solo singer-songwriter in her own right. And now for the video...

Shatner's Choice

After a post about Apple, why not a look back at a Commodore ad featuring none other than Montrealer William Shatner?

Real Or Fake: Steve Jobs' Last Meeting With Apple

I own an iPod, but the death of Steve Jobs didn't affect me at all. I didn't blog about it, didn't even change my Facebook status to acknowledge him.

If the CEO of Halliburton, or Sears, or JC Penney dies, I'll probably feel the same: huge loss for friends and families, doesn't change a thing for me. At all.

What I'm interested in, however, are videos like this one:


Shocking Video From Steve Jobs' Last Business Meeting from The Final Edition on Vimeo.



If it were real, it would show a man incapable of making the huge decisions he is mandated - and paid - to make, and since Apple is listed in the stock market, the stockholders should be aware of this fact, and they most probably weren't.

Instead, he spews gibberish before fainting and falling off his chair, prompting others in the boardroom meeting to panic and call for help.

But there is at least one website who claims this was a hoax.

R.I.P. Dan Wheldon

You've probably seen the the footage all over the news: a 15-car crash in a Las Vegas race killed Dan Wheldon, a British athlete going for a $5M payday.

None, in the media, were more affected than Fox's Holly Cain, who knew him (and his family) well, having followed him from his beginnings to the very end, and ending up living just a few miles away from them.

Not My Day

Your boss tells you on Friday : ''no need to show up in the morning on Monday, 1 PM will suffice. Sleep in.'' Sounds like a great thing, right?

But of course Murphy will take exception to this and fuck it right up, evil scheming invisible bastard that He is.

So I go to bed at 10 PM-ish, I think, which is early as fuck for me. My roommate/little brother Yan got home at 3:30 AM and woke me up – and I couldn’t fall back asleep. At least I got some reading done – Pearl Jam Twenty (the book – while I await the arrival of the Blu-ray in the mail, possibly Friday). I’m at the year 2000 – Binaural.

But the worst part was the subway ride to fucking work: squeezed up, like fucking mushrooms in a can, and getting pushed by all those sweaty animals as they take the longest possible fucking route to the train’s exit, by bumping into 20 people rather than 5. For that kind of fucking swine, the fastest way from Point A to Point B is by Texas via the fucking moon, with a pit stop for coffee.

Murder might have been the case they gave Snoop Dogg, but I was tempted to follow that path as well. As a matter of fact, I was abnormally over-aggressive on the mid-day hour, considering.

The evening’s looming and my energy level’s dropping, my vision is blurring, and I know I’ll have to share another ride with those fucking worker bees in just a hundred minutes or so. I recently saw a phrase online, possibly on Facebook, that read ''You are not stuck in traffic; you ARE traffic''. Well, I’m not. Not at all. The 9-to-5 crowd is not my crowd, unless you mean the people who start drinking at 9 PM and only stop at 5AM to shower and start their day. In which case, that literally is my crowd, the one that comes to my fucking shows, the ones I owe a lot to.

That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.